To refuse to host BIL, his family and untrained dog!

[twogreentrees]

So we have always hosted Christmas. Literally for the past 17 years. It's mainly as a result of the fact that for a long time BIL and his family lived in a very small house whereas we have a larger house with room to seat everyone. PIL also find it easier to get to us (about an hour) than to BIL (about 2 hours). BIL and his family generally stay overnight so they are with us for two days. PIL tend to stay for the day and then go home since they prefer to sleep at home.

This year BIL and his family "rescued" a street dog from Eastern Europe. He is a large mixed breed and is completely out of control. He has to be kept on a lead at all times when out because he has a very high prey drive and zero recall. He regularly kills pigeons, squirrels, mice, rabbits etc. He is extremely reactive and charges at cats and other dogs. He is also very noisy.

We have a small dog, two kittens and free range ducks. Our garden is also not particularly secure for such a large dog (it's fine for ours but he's small). DH and BIL are both in a strop because I have said we are not hosting them this year unless they put the dog into a kennel. BIL has said it is offensive and the dog is a member of their family. Apparently I am ruining Christmas for their children (teens so probably couldn't care less anyway about visiting their aunt/uncle). I am gob smacked that we have even been asked.

I don't even know why Im asking. Just for reassurance really. I'm absolutely not BU am I? I'd really rather not have a festive small pet massacre on my hands.

Hope it all works out for you all OP and that you have a lovely Christmas 🎄

Thanks for the update, OP.

Just to be clear: the person “ruining Christmas” is BIL. He’s the one who has moved the goalposts by adopting a high-risk animal, not sourcing proper doggy daycare, and making assumptions that the risky animal would automatically be allowed to stay in a home where vulnerable animals live. He’s the owner of the risk, and it is on him to mitigate it.

Just chuckling as I once had a similar situation where I posted a minor vent/irritation and the next thing I knew, all my in laws were apparently batshit, CF users. I could practically have written your post about hosting christmas - yeah, there are some downsides, but overall, I like hosting it and it works for me on the years that I do it. And yes, SIL definitely could step up a bi tmore but... thems the breaks!

Hopefully they'l come up with an appropriate plan foro the dog!

Thanks for your update. Some posters always get creative with the narrative!

I'm happy to hear you're not a spineless, downtrodden wench!!!!

What the F??? Did you even read the original thread 😂😂

ITS NOT HER DOG!!!! It’s her BIL’s dog and he wants to bring it Christmas Day!!… not her dog and not her issue!!

You are being totally reasonable. PIL needs to take responsibility and either stay at home or put dog in kennel for a few days. Unless PIL lives in a kennel himself he could easy stay at home - no house is that small surely to cook a dinner. And lastly if he lives in such small living conditions what the hell is he doing bringing a large dog into that house in the first place!!

If you have a small dog you need to put them first and protect them.

I hope you find a solution. I have a people-friendly dog with a prey drive so he's muzzled on walks and not put in situations where he'd be able to hurt anything small and fluffy. I hope that your in-laws can find someone to help train their dog and can protect other people's pets in the meantime - or long term like my dog.

I won't put him in kennels because of his prey drive - it just takes someone being distracted or not reading notes and letting him loose with a tiny fluffy dog for a tragedy to happen - but I have the most fantastic dogsitter who looks after him in our home when I'm away. It's also cheaper than kennels as I don't need to take him in a day beforehand and collect him a day afterwards and far less disruptive for him.

Hope your in-laws can find someone like that who comes recommended. The rescue where they adopted their dog might be able to help or an FB group for the rescue charity might have advice - recommendations are best.

It would also mean that, looking ahead, they can go on holidays without having to worry about their dog. This Christmas can be a test for them to see how it works with a dogsitter which might help sell the idea to them.

And I'd also ask your BIL to bring some food and carry dishes to the kitchen, they should all be helping more but won't think to do so if not asked, sadly. Good luck!

Why does your DH have zero respect for you and your family unit. His attitude is completely unacceptable and unreasonable.

That’s awful.

But yeah I think a lot of people without pets don’t want dogs in their home since they may have various reasons for being pet-free and then even the people with pets don’t want (other) dogs in their home in case of conflict.

No-one has ever asked to bring their dog /pet to my house either and the answer would be no 😅

If I had a dog, I don’t think I’d take him to people’s houses and certainly not to a busy house at Christmas.

Why do you expect her to do it and not the brother-in-law?

This was my line of reasoning.

17 years of hosting and this is the thanks you get?

I'd be using this as an excellent opportunity of breaking the precendent. Permanently.

I’m interested in how people are so sure their dog who has a tendency for chasing down smaller creatures won’t suddenly do that to a human, especially a little human?

Sorry if I see a dog that likes to try and chow down on other dogs I think it’s more likely that it could one day turn on a human.

What about a sitter that could come stay at there house . Some people don’t do Xmas or travel around staying at others homes and pet sit .
(not for everyone having strangers in their house)or if they have looked at kennels local to then are there kennels local to you or inbetween on the route .

Have you read some of the dog threads on Mumsnet?

They are completely irrational.

Three hours..jeez, I drive 3 to 4 hours to have lunch with my mother several times a year, and I drove from Scotland to London 7 hours, during the night to meet with my son then drove straight home to Scotland later the same day, and that was Christmas Eve.
3 hours is a breeze.
No one should expect to take a dog with a high prey drive to someone’s house with small pets.

That is unfuckingbelievable on your BIL and OH behalf. As a parent to a huge German Shepherd who is lovely with all humans and other dogs but also has a huge pray drive I wouldn’t even consider taking him to a house with cats, poultry or other small animals. I just know the carnage that could ensue. It’s really not worth the risk. You have to stick to your guns for the safety of your animals AND family who would naturally intervene should the unthinkable happen. Please don’t give in. Keep yourself and your loved ones safe. You’ve been put in an awful position and your OH should be backing you on this one.

You aren’t responsible for ensuring BIL’s kids get to meet their grandparents. Do you have children..because if you have, is anyone considering the trauma of them seeing a dog tear their ducks or other pet to shreds? It’s not a pretty sight. I had a rescue greyhound get among the hens. Carnage. Blood and guts and feathers everywhere. And who is going to clean up and replace those animals? BIL?

My Bil agreed to look after a friends untrained dog, which promptly killed his cat. My own dog attacked my dog sitter's ducks after breaking through many obstacles to reach them. YANBU

DH and BIL are both in a strop because I have said we are not hosting them this year

If your DH is in a strop with anyone other than his brother, he is being very unreasonable!

It sounds like brother and SIL are just throwing their toys out of the pram because they don’t want to pay for and cook their own Christmas dinner for the first time in 17 years, and feel like their seasonal pamper mini-break invitation has been unfairly withdrawn to be honest!

I think it might be good for them…

exactly. quite apart from anything else, it can be very stressful for the visiting dog, as well as the resident dog, unless they've previously socialised. and some rescue dogs can get very anxious about places that aren't their home. (on this matter, the problem dog would probably have a hard time in kennels, perhaps feeling like they've been abandoned again. they should stay with their dog, or get someone to come into their home to look after them)

we actually take our cat a fair few places with us. we started that out with shorter visits, and him on his harness. he now sees my mums place as his second home, is best friends with her dog (she's a lurcher, but her previous home had cats, and we were very careful until we were sure she didn't see him as prey. now he's definitely the boss, even though she's a very big deerhound lurcher) but I'd never take him somewhere without getting the okay for it first, and I'd never take him somewhere with a high prey drive dog.

during the lockdown Christmas, we visited the sister in laws place, as they have a large verandah undercover, so we were able to meet up and swap presents and remain distanced and outside, all wrapped up warm, including Crowley in his jumper (he's a wuss about the cold, and doesn't seem to mind wearing clothes) and they all commented how they'd pretty much forgotten he was there, as he was sat patiently between us on the bench, absolutely on his best behaviour.

I think a lot of the imported strays are actually a cover for puppy farms. a lot of them are puppies, you don't see many older dogs (and those are probably the more genuine ones)
I'm not saying none of them are genuine, but they do seem to be disproportionately puppies, which isn't as common in rescue.

Completely off-piste, but have you heard of Sophie From Romania? Rehomed by Rory Cellan-Jones (BBC) This video shows her journey from frightened rescued dog to solid family member. But, it took a lot of work. Perhaps @twogreentrees BIL and family might like to have a look, see how Rory and family won her trust and trained her.

Jeez! We aren't all you.

I wouldn't do a 6 hour round trip just for lunch. Nor would most people I know. As it is Christmas most of the drive home would be in the dark. Again, most people wouldn't want to drive for 2+ hours in the dark.