Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

That DH needs to lower his gift expectations?

264 replies

Nespressso · 26/11/2024 09:53

DH birthday is in December, and obviously Xmas. I’m currently sat racking my brains about what to buy him, to prevent him being “disappointed” in another birthday.

we are lucky that we are comfortable, if he needs anything he buys it, but I feel we should be cautious with money as we are trying to upsize house in the short term. I am also a SAHM with no income.

last year I spent about £250 on his birthday, mainly on nice/ considered shirts - from Barbour and schoffel (in Black Friday sale), some golf bits, fancy beer glass etc

baked a cake, we had a night out/ hotel for his work whilst mum babysat (all for him, I was extremely bored and just stood there whilst they all talked work). This was also on the back of he had a week away for a work trip to America and I solo parented the kids.

afterwards told me how disappointed he was I didn’t make an effort for his birthday.

this year he has just been away again for another month. I had a shit time with the kids as nursery no loses for 2 weeks over half term, they were sick and it was stressful, I got little sleep. He was out with mates drinking whilst abroad. He bought himself new clothes whilst away. Fine, enjoy yourself whilst you can but he really doesn’t need anything new now.

he has sent me a list of random things for about £150. He doesn’t even really want these things but feels he must have presents on his birthday. I know I’m going to have to magic up something else as it won’t be enough. Then god knows what I’ll find for Xmas.

I don’t expect or want any gifts, I just want nice experiences for the kids. Xmas often ends up costing us thousands as we just waste money on stuff. We don’t have the space for it and don’t need it. I hate it.

OP posts:
Nevermind31 · 26/11/2024 15:42

Mirror what he does for your birthday. If you can’t remember ask him.
and from the kids… let them lose in a toy shop or somewhere like tiger tiger and let them choose… can’t get more “from the kids” than that. OH has received! Playmobil, Lego, cuddly toys…. He first need it and kids are happy

Quitelikeit · 26/11/2024 15:43

Not sure you should start complaining now when you are a beneficiary of these finances!

Get him a naice RL scarf or maybe a Gucci wallet/cuff links and RL polo shirt or Gucci Belt

yukikata · 26/11/2024 15:46

One of his specific criticisms was I didn’t get him anything from the kids (they are 4&2)

You should get him a gift from the children, even something small. But the other things he expects are ridiculous - you did plenty for him last year.

Letmegohome · 26/11/2024 15:58

Quitelikeit · 26/11/2024 15:43

Not sure you should start complaining now when you are a beneficiary of these finances!

Get him a naice RL scarf or maybe a Gucci wallet/cuff links and RL polo shirt or Gucci Belt

What ?!?!
You are joking right?!

LivinInYourBigGlassHouseWithAView · 26/11/2024 16:00

Man baby alert.

You do all the slogging and heavy lifting at home while he literally dines out and has no responsibilities for any of it most of the time, and then moans that you don't spend money you don't have pampering him when he is.

OptimisticRealist2024 · 26/11/2024 16:01

My DH don't really do presents any more because we're both difficult to buy for and have been together for years - we arrange something special for milestone birthdays, but otherwise try to spend the day together doing something the birthday person enjoys, and the non-birthday person pays for that and pays for nice dinner and drinks in the evening. That's the gift tbh. We haven't done Christmas or anniversary presents for years either - for these we go halves on a trip and just enjoy being together. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'd still make an effort - bake a cake and take him out, but just tell him that things are tight, and if he kicks off remind him a) he's a grown man and b) he married you for richer or poorer.

After Christmas, you couldd broach the subject of having a pared-back 2025. See if you can make it into a challenge that doesn't involve buying gifts, more about spending time together. You could express how spending thousands on Christmas is making you feel.

I think Christmases go a bit far now. I came from a relatively skint family, but Christmas was always one "main" present (eg CD player) and some smaller ones (smellies, new pyjamas, nice chocolates, some books, stocking fillers, and sometimes something mad my mum bought in a panic that was from Argos).

mewkins · 26/11/2024 16:06

RamblasTapas · 26/11/2024 11:27

Buy him tickets for something like a panto from the kids......you can all have a nice time....add in something small he can wear to the event / is connected to it just for him.

I agree. Make it a family gift to do something. He may be disappointed but it sounds like he will be whatever you give him. At least he can spend time with them.

StormingNorman · 26/11/2024 17:08

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 26/11/2024 14:23

He sounds oddly childish about this. Children love birthdays because their wants are usually achieveable. He is never going to be satisfied because - as an adult - his heart's desires are not available to a birthday shopper.

Go with the child part of him:

-Get the kids to choose something that he can play with them.
Authentic choices are always memorable!

-You buy sponsorship of a creature you can all visit local wildlife park/zoo/rescue centre. You can all visit Dad's inner animal and enjoy watching the simple things that make that version of him happy.

Edited

All of that is the absolute opposite of what he’s want for his birthday. To be given a thoughtless gift is worse than not being given one at all.

Ghostofborleyrectory · 26/11/2024 17:28

I'm quite spiteful so a present from the kids would involve saving ALL recycling (and rubbish) and getting them to build a Wickerman sized model of their beloved dad.

JohnTheRevelator · 26/11/2024 17:35

Christ almighty. He sounds like a spoilt child.

Allfur · 26/11/2024 17:41

'Sahm with no income'? So whose career are you propping up whilst you look after their kids?

Makingchocolatecake · 26/11/2024 18:02

Photo books or frame from the kids.

I think he sounds really ungrateful!

SuffolkUnicorn · 26/11/2024 18:58

You could give that cunt the earth he would still find a reason to take it out on you

Blades2 · 27/11/2024 17:55

Your husband sounds like a large knobhead to be quite honest.

JayJayj · 27/11/2024 17:59

Have you nice photos of him with the kids? You could get them printed into wood. I’ve done that a couple of times from my daughter who is 2. I would be really disappointed if I didn’t get anything from my daughter.

as for the rest he sounds a bit much. Has he always liked making a big fuss?

How about experience gifts instead? Like zoo trip with animal experience something you could do as a family. Or if solo, escape rooms, paintballing. Something a bit different

Letmegohome · 27/11/2024 18:04

@JayJayj That sounds like fancy kindling! who wants a wood picture?
I know her husband sounds like a dick but ... A wooden picture ?!

JayJayj · 27/11/2024 18:29

Letmegohome · 27/11/2024 18:04

@JayJayj That sounds like fancy kindling! who wants a wood picture?
I know her husband sounds like a dick but ... A wooden picture ?!

I do. My husband. It looks so rustic. You do understand that people have different tastes yes? Just because you don’t like something doesn’t mean that no one else would!!!

Letmegohome · 27/11/2024 18:40

@JayJayj "rustic" you say? Lovely

Reddoorredhandle · 27/11/2024 18:54

Get him a day out for just him and the kids, to spend quality time together and you can spend the day chilling. Paulson park or something. 😂

Sometimesright · 27/11/2024 19:11

Nespressso · 26/11/2024 09:56

If anyone has any ideas what I can buy him ‘ from the kids’ then please share. He already has mugs, keyrings, bottle opener, a couple of ‘dads shed’ or dad’s office signs.

I know these are all shit but what else do I buy? One of his specific criticisms was I didn’t get him anything from the kids (they are 4&2)

Get him some beer from the kids 😜 if he doesn’t like it next year get him pants!

Lostincyberspace · 27/11/2024 19:14

Wow. What a catch! I'd buy a £250 voucher for all the brand shops and tell him to go buy himself something. Or book a lovely family break 😊 so you and your children can enjoy his birthday treat! Good luck,. 👍

RavenhairedRachel · 27/11/2024 19:21

He sounds very childish

Middlemarch123 · 27/11/2024 19:26

Bugger this for a game of soldiers OP.
I’d get him a sippy cup and a dummy. Perhaps a rattle if I was feeling generous.

Raineys · 27/11/2024 19:39

He sounds like such a juvenile loser.

Teenyweenytinytrees · 27/11/2024 19:46

He needs to grow up!

Swipe left for the next trending thread