That DH needs to lower his gift expectations?

[Nespressso]

DH birthday is in December, and obviously Xmas. I’m currently sat racking my brains about what to buy him, to prevent him being “disappointed” in another birthday.

we are lucky that we are comfortable, if he needs anything he buys it, but I feel we should be cautious with money as we are trying to upsize house in the short term. I am also a SAHM with no income.

last year I spent about £250 on his birthday, mainly on nice/ considered shirts - from Barbour and schoffel (in Black Friday sale), some golf bits, fancy beer glass etc

baked a cake, we had a night out/ hotel for his work whilst mum babysat (all for him, I was extremely bored and just stood there whilst they all talked work). This was also on the back of he had a week away for a work trip to America and I solo parented the kids.

afterwards told me how disappointed he was I didn’t make an effort for his birthday.

this year he has just been away again for another month. I had a shit time with the kids as nursery no loses for 2 weeks over half term, they were sick and it was stressful, I got little sleep. He was out with mates drinking whilst abroad. He bought himself new clothes whilst away. Fine, enjoy yourself whilst you can but he really doesn’t need anything new now.

he has sent me a list of random things for about £150. He doesn’t even really want these things but feels he must have presents on his birthday. I know I’m going to have to magic up something else as it won’t be enough. Then god knows what I’ll find for Xmas.

I don’t expect or want any gifts, I just want nice experiences for the kids. Xmas often ends up costing us thousands as we just waste money on stuff. We don’t have the space for it and don’t need it. I hate it.

Your husband sounds like a spoilt child. I would tell him so.

I think he doesn't want the party or the cake. It sounds like his love language is gifts.

Whereas OP's is physical service.

She thinks baking cakes and doing loads of childcare while he works is what he wants. It's not. That's why he spends a lot on OP even if she doesn't want the item. It's his love language.

Side note, if you're sahm and being fully supported by a working partner then you should be doing the bulk of the childcare (if there is any, OP mentions nursery) and not trying to pass this off as any kind of gift.

Just buy him the stuff he's after. It's once a year.

Is his name Dudley Dursley?

Just because you don’t want or need the expensive gifts, doesn’t mean he hasn’t tried, and maybe that’s all he wants from you?

@chugalugme Throwing money at presents for your wife that ‘aren’t her’ doesn’t show he tried at all. It shows he bought something expensive but doesn’t really know, or perhaps doesn’t care what his wife really likes. It requires no thought at all to spend a lot of money on random gifts your partner has shown no interest in.
But you’re right about one thing. Op’s husband clearly just wants a lot of money thrown at his gifts. Which makes him rather a bellend in my opinion.

But she also bought him nice stuff?

There are currently Chrustmas themed rubber ducks in Poundland....

Part of me wants to suggest therapy, given that the overgrown manchild apparently hasn't got over the "December birthday" trauma and is still acting out his insecurities about "My birthday is never as good as everyone else's birthdays."

If he likes golf ⛳️ send him up to Trump Turnberry in Ayrshire 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 😉 because he sounds insufferable 😉
However , if he’s really not that insufferable then maybe book a weekend ( if you can arrange childcare with your parents) away somewhere he’s interested in .
Gleneagles ???

Love this - you clearly have a rare talent for finding the right thing for the right stupid little prick!

Given he earns all the money anyway, he may as well cut out the middleman and buy his own birthday present.

what a man child. No grown up needs gifts. I don't know many adults who do gifts for birthdays. It's just odd. And why does Xmas cost thousands??? All very weird?

I wouldn't get this self entitled prick anything for his birthday. You did loads last year and got this ungrateful response. Live and learn!

You spent £250 on birthday gifts and made a cake and he doesn’t think you made enough effort for his birthday? You have bigger problems than what this spoiled selfish twat gets for his birthday. Sounds like he’ll never be happy.

Take a nice photo of hom amd the children and have it made into a jigsaw.

Get him a lawn mower, a set of screw drivers, some toe nail clippers and an Aldi shopping voucher.

If he's disappointed with the effort, then get him nothing next year and say "I'm no good at buying presents, you always complain, so not bothering anymore"