That DH needs to lower his gift expectations?

[Nespressso]

DH birthday is in December, and obviously Xmas. I’m currently sat racking my brains about what to buy him, to prevent him being “disappointed” in another birthday.

we are lucky that we are comfortable, if he needs anything he buys it, but I feel we should be cautious with money as we are trying to upsize house in the short term. I am also a SAHM with no income.

last year I spent about £250 on his birthday, mainly on nice/ considered shirts - from Barbour and schoffel (in Black Friday sale), some golf bits, fancy beer glass etc

baked a cake, we had a night out/ hotel for his work whilst mum babysat (all for him, I was extremely bored and just stood there whilst they all talked work). This was also on the back of he had a week away for a work trip to America and I solo parented the kids.

afterwards told me how disappointed he was I didn’t make an effort for his birthday.

this year he has just been away again for another month. I had a shit time with the kids as nursery no loses for 2 weeks over half term, they were sick and it was stressful, I got little sleep. He was out with mates drinking whilst abroad. He bought himself new clothes whilst away. Fine, enjoy yourself whilst you can but he really doesn’t need anything new now.

he has sent me a list of random things for about £150. He doesn’t even really want these things but feels he must have presents on his birthday. I know I’m going to have to magic up something else as it won’t be enough. Then god knows what I’ll find for Xmas.

I don’t expect or want any gifts, I just want nice experiences for the kids. Xmas often ends up costing us thousands as we just waste money on stuff. We don’t have the space for it and don’t need it. I hate it.

He needs to grow up. My birthday is in Dec if I want something that badly I buy it. Instead of feeling disappointed why doesn’t he plan his own birthday instead of putting pressure on you every year.

I agree, let the kids choose something from a cheap shop/school fair.

From you :- a spa day/break for two (or a break somewhere you’d like to go if u don’t fancy a spa) with you arranging baby sitting. Pick luxury spa or luxury hotel.

If he moans that it’s for you tell him you’d have been happy with a basic place, but you know he likes the best. 😉

Give him a gift card and tell him to buy his own bloody presents. Sounds like a spoiled child!

Get some lovely food and drinks in, snuggle up on the sofa with him and watch BUY NOW on Netflix together.

For kids presents for their Dad, you bring them into some shop - a bookstore/sweet shop - something cheap and cheerful and ask them to pick a present for their dad. Bought with the budget of a 4 yo and something they picked out all by themself.

I cannot imagine a grown man caring about what he gets for his birthday... I mean, I'm only 25 and I don't give a shit if I get gifts or not! It's the thought that counts more than anything.

It sounds like you're incompatible, probably in other ways too
I don't think he's wrong or you're wrong, you just have different priorities

He sounds like a spoilt 12 year old boy who wants ALL the tech and ALL the designer gear, in the body of a selfish tosspot manchild.
Highly unattractive.

He’s being ridiculous. That said, maybe an experience gift would be better so you don’t clutter your house (and this earth) with junk he doesn’t need?

How about experiences that you can do as a family? A family portrait? Things that are nice for the whole family and not just him (he seems to see to his own needs just fine). Mug or travel mug with artwork for Daddy by your children? You can also get things like towels (for gym) overprinted with family photos or artwork. Wean him off into homemade/locally sourced rather than designer brand as being more special/unique.

Wouldn't it be a good wheeze to have a great family outing each year for his birthday?

I do think he's in the wrong. He moaned she hadn't made an effort when she clearly had. He is well off, can buy whatever he likes, and gets to spend long periods away while OP does all the domestic and childcare work, yet he gets in a huff about not being given enough material things or having enough effort made? That's the behaviour of a massive dick.

It's my birthday today, I've had a card off DH. We are at a stage in our life that we can buy what we want when we want, so I can't see the point of buying something just for the sake of it. If there was something that i wanted I would have bought it myself let DH know.

He sounds very childish.

Oh crikey! Your husband sounds very hard work!
From your little children, I would maybe get some finger paints and a blank canvas (from Hobbycraft or similar) and make their handprints into a picture. It's a unique gift and worth more than money. If he complains that this is not enough, let him know that he will realise one day, when his tiny children are grown and their hands are much bigger, that this captured a precious moment in time and should be one of his best presents ever!
If that seems not enough, then how about getting your children's fingerprints captured in special clay and have imprint jewellery made - cufflinks, dog tag, key ring etc. Same principle but a bit more of a gift if he's that way inclined.

Or how about an old record he used to love but get it on vinyl.

Or a voucher for a family photoshoot. A few ideas but hopefully with his family more at the centre.

Good luck !

Here is a hint: you can’t fill the gaping hole in his soul with material goods. He is already trying on his own and can’t do it.

I have a December birthday and would be massively pissed off if my work Christmas do was touted as my “birthday night out”.

Buy him his present list, sounds like it’s affordable for you. Bake a birthday cake with the kids and let them decorate and give it to him. You can buy tubes of coloured icing and the kids can go to town. Put up some balloons and a birthday banner in your home to feel like a mini party whilst you open presents and eat cake. Book a family meal out on (near) his birthday at his favourite restaurant.

I agree with PP who have said that you and your husband have mismatched ideas of birthday celebrations.

You arranged a lovely birthday, and he was disappointed. Ask him to arrange his own thing, and buy him a gift voucher. Then ask what he is doing for your birthday (gift voucher for your fav shop would be fine, tell him - and amount).

£150 to charity I would do . . .

I think most couples of my acquaintance tend to do what we did, we just bought a token gift, sometimes setting a ridiculously low limit, or the tackiest thing for a fiver, and then bought something we really wanted for the home or a trip away.

Your dh sounds like an over grown spoilt child.

My ex used to be like this and it came from the fact he grew up with literally nothing. There was never money for gifts or treats etc. So as an adult he worked bloody hard and was kinda high up in management etc, earning over 100k with bonuses l, company car etc. He then expected me (his gf didn't live together, no shared finances etc) on less than 20k a year to buy Hugo boss etc for him.

I would look outside the box.

If he enjoys golf, can you get him an experience day at a swanky club or some coaching with his courses pro etc?

He needs to grow up. He sounds like a whiney child.

Divorce papers in a decorated envelope with a bow?

How does he expect you to fund an expensive gift if you have no income?

For goodness sake how old is he.

This is one of the most insane things I have ever read

I would tell him that from now on, you need to do a token gift. You have kids and their birthdays should be the ones you go “all out” on, not the adults! He sounds very selfish to me. I’d be hopping mad if my DH sent me a list of items to get for his birthday!