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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that DW could do ever such a little bit more around the house?

281 replies

Triathlete · 28/04/2008 22:12

I know how hard it is to look after an infant all day, and I'm really glad that I was able to take paternity leave and help in those early weeks.

And I'm happy to take over fully when I get in from work - bathe, feed and put DS (6.5 months) to bed, cook for us, wash up, make her a cup of tea and let her put her feet up.

And DW does do stuff in the house, but only what suits her and what she likes. She makes a great deal out of "tidying your wardrobe" for instance, but I've never asked her to do it.

The one thing that I would like her to do is the vacuuming. We have a dusty house - allotment, garden, walks in the country and so on. When I was living alone I did it in the morning before going to work. It's only a small house - ten minutes doing one room every day and every room gets done at least once a week, and the place is cleaner, fresher and healthier.

The other week I worked hard on a friend's car in exchange for the loan of an industrial carpet cleaner, then I spent Saturday cleaning all the carpets - they came up beautifully.

But she won't vacuum. And I refuse to do it at the weekend - I cook, iron cothes, clean windows, bake bread and fix the car, but I won't vacuum. If I start to do it again, it'll be at 7am before I go to work. She can deal with the woken up baby then.

And then today, when I had to go straight out again to the supermarket after getting back from work, I asked her whether there was anything ready to eat. "No, I couldn't think of anything". Well honestly, boiling 4 potatoes won't win any prizes, but it would have been more than acceptable to a hungry, tired husband with a busy week ahead. What makes it worse is that she was on the fricking internet when I came in.

I'm pissed off.

OP posts:
kittywise · 28/04/2008 22:22

Are you for real?

Why on earth are you going out to work and doing everything else when you get in??

Yes your wife should hoover.
Looking after one baby is not that hard you know, despite what she might tell you.

She is taking the piss

Dynamicnanny · 28/04/2008 22:24

Will lurk on this thread but why do your carpets need cleaning everyday?

oldcrock · 28/04/2008 22:27

I can understand where you're coming from and you're at a difficult stage with a young baby. I think people tend to do what they are most keen on around the house. If hoovering is that important to you, why don't you sacrifice one of your other tasks and do the vacuuming instead (not at 7am)?
It sounds to me that you do a fair bit but with a young baby, your dw is bound to be busy. She might have had very little time all day and her being on the internet when you got in was the first free time she'd had. I guess she is concentrating on looking after your baby, not cooking and hoovering. Try not to be too hard on her, it's very hard work being at home with a young baby (although I would be overjoyed if my dp made an effort to clean the carpets - I think I have the most unhouse-proud dp on the planet!!)

Dynamicnanny · 28/04/2008 22:27

Agree Kitty - Caring for a 6 month old isn't rocket science - its easy enough to do housework around the child and this is from someone who has cared for a grumpy 6 mnth with reflux. Ironing, hoovering and dusting don't take long, and yes she could probably fit some of it in during the day.

Dynamicnanny · 28/04/2008 22:27

Agree Kitty - Caring for a 6 month old isn't rocket science - its easy enough to do housework around the child and this is from someone who has cared for a grumpy 6 mnth with reflux. Ironing, hoovering and dusting don't take long, and yes she could probably fit some of it in during the day.

kittywise · 28/04/2008 22:31

I've got 6 kids and the 12 month old is absolutely awfully bad tempered and whingy and I manage to hoover.

I say that she doesn't hoover because she does't want to and probably BECAUSE you want her too.
Do you think there is sonething going on with the dynamic of your relationship?
Could she have PND?

it has nothing to do with looking after a baby.

KaSo · 28/04/2008 22:31

Chuck child in sling and hoover, not rocket science and likely to make the little tyke sleep.
Sorry, but I think she's being lazy. I do all the housework, raise 3 kids and work part time and I still don't do a fraction of what Dh has to do working fulltime.

oldcrock · 28/04/2008 22:33

Depending on how good a sleeper your dc is, I guess your dw could be hoovering etc then. But surely it doesn't need doing that often??

moondog · 28/04/2008 22:33

She's a lazy cow.
But then, most women are on the domestic front.

Lauriefairycake · 28/04/2008 22:34

Why won't you vacuum? why don't you 'swop' it for a job she likes to do.

You are more uptight about the vacuuming than she is so therefore you should do it and let her do something else.

amytheearwaxbanisher · 28/04/2008 22:34

have you told her how you feel?hovering isnt that big a deal especially as you seem a great dh doing your fair share and all that,are your floors wooden or carpeted?

SlartyBartFast · 28/04/2008 22:34

perhaps it isnt her priority.

who does cooking?

kittywise · 28/04/2008 22:35

I suggest you stop doing al the things you are doing, you're setting yourself up for a fall!

SlartyBartFast · 28/04/2008 22:35

the more time i have, the less i do,

theUrbanNixie · 28/04/2008 22:36

I have a simple solution for you.

Lower your standards.

MarsLady · 28/04/2008 22:36

I hate vacuuming... thank goodness for lots of DC

Lauriefairycake · 28/04/2008 22:36

By the way I don't vacuum at all - my dh does it, it hurts my back when I bend that way.

I do other things.

UniversallyChallenged · 28/04/2008 22:36

Is she watching this thread? Love to get her take on why she wont hoover.

You sound a pretty reasonable man to me

kittywise · 28/04/2008 22:37

He could lower his standards but his dw is still taking the piss.

SlartyBartFast · 28/04/2008 22:37

perhaps she is just pissed off with it all.

kittywise · 28/04/2008 22:38

God aren't we all?

theUrbanNixie · 28/04/2008 22:38

Well look at this way then. You're restoring the cosmic balance for all the women who do fuckloads of housework while their oh's do nothing.

There. Feel better?

NaughtyNigella · 28/04/2008 22:38

Triathlete are you married to me?

perhaps you wife doesn't mind the carpets being a little dusty. perhaps she doesn't care that much. perhaps she has something better to be doing. maybe she is in the middle of a good book. maybe if you like clean floors then you should clean them. Maybe looking after a baby all da is making your wife tired. maybe looking after a baby is all she can cope with.. maybe she wants to enjoy the baby while it is little and housework can wait until later on.
so the carpets are dusty - so you eat readymeals sometimes. does it really matter that much?

TheFallenMadonna · 28/04/2008 22:41

Is she OK?

I mean, was she like this before the baby was born?

PeachesMcLean · 28/04/2008 22:44

So, you've got a thing about hoovering? Great! So's my DH. You could share tips. We have great floors in our house. DH however doesn't touch the laundry and thinks the persil pixy shifts his clothes from dirty basket to clean. And cooking every day is a bloody chore, i can tell you.

Sounds like there's more to this than housework tbh. Have you asked your wife how she is, and listened to the answer? Or do you just have a go about housework?

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