Cor! 11 pages. I never expected that!
baby in the garden, that's really funny! Thank you.
I'm not a woman, namechanger, journo or troll. And DW doesn't use mumsnet, so I wasn't trying to get my point across sneakily. I should also call myself EX-triathlete now. And I simply haven't had time to join back in this conversation, sorry for the bad form.
DW is lazy. When she's honest, she'll admit it. She's an only child and she never had to do anything around the house. Lived with her parents until we married, except for a short time with a REAL chauvinist.
I am the oldest of three, and was ironing my own shirts at 13 years old. My mother trained us all in cooking, cleaning and housework and the three of us married women who can't believe their luck. They all think my mum is great (and she is!)
The allotment is her idea. I spent enough of my childhood growing veg and looking after goats and chickens, and ducks, turkeys and pheasants, thanks. However, although it's her idea, I do most of the heavy work. Today I asked her whether she could strim the weeds - "I'm really tired, I want to rest". So I'll have to do that next weekend after I get back from my business trip.
I do most of the cooking. At the end of the weekend, my feet hurt - cooking, cleaning, chores, repairs, playing with DS to give her a break. I'm usually shagged on Sunday evening. And the vacuuming IS important - I used to use a push-along carpet cleaner until I got a chest infection caused by dirty carpets. And I cleaned the carpets with the professional steam cleaner because DW asked me to. And I traded the work because we couldn't afford to hire one. But she won't vacuum them subsequently. We absolutely can't afford a cleaner.
I make bread and carrot cake because DW asks me to. She think carrot cake is a staple food. She knows where the recipe is but won't make it herself.
DS is easy to look after. He sleeps all night - 7pm til 8am. He's a good-natured baby. However, I KNOW how difficult it is to look after babies - I was around plenty when I was growing up, helping look after them, feed them and entertain them. Some of those babies and children had learning difficulties. So I know what it's like, and DS is easy.
All the above info on my childhood can probably be explained by saying that I grew up in rural organic goodlife Ireland.
I go to work at 7am and don't get back until 7pm. I don't expect dinner on the table every night, but when I have to go straight back out again to go shopping, it would be nice to be able to eat something quickly.
When we both worked it wasn't an issue, because I'd do it in the morning as usual. Now that she's at home, and it's something that needs to be done frequently, it seems unfair to me that I should have to do it at the weekends, especially when there are so many other jobs that apparently only I can do, such as putting shelves up, digging the allotment and strimming the weeds.
To be honest, the relationship is going from bad to worse. Every weekend starts with an argument, DW will never apologise, or look for a solution together, or stop and step back. Everything is zero-sum, win-lose. I use a different model of conflict resolution, but there's no longer an incentive to, as it depends on both people. She's becoming more and more sullen, and I don't know how much longer we can last. I'm thinking of giving relate a call.