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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that DW could do ever such a little bit more around the house?

281 replies

Triathlete · 28/04/2008 22:12

I know how hard it is to look after an infant all day, and I'm really glad that I was able to take paternity leave and help in those early weeks.

And I'm happy to take over fully when I get in from work - bathe, feed and put DS (6.5 months) to bed, cook for us, wash up, make her a cup of tea and let her put her feet up.

And DW does do stuff in the house, but only what suits her and what she likes. She makes a great deal out of "tidying your wardrobe" for instance, but I've never asked her to do it.

The one thing that I would like her to do is the vacuuming. We have a dusty house - allotment, garden, walks in the country and so on. When I was living alone I did it in the morning before going to work. It's only a small house - ten minutes doing one room every day and every room gets done at least once a week, and the place is cleaner, fresher and healthier.

The other week I worked hard on a friend's car in exchange for the loan of an industrial carpet cleaner, then I spent Saturday cleaning all the carpets - they came up beautifully.

But she won't vacuum. And I refuse to do it at the weekend - I cook, iron cothes, clean windows, bake bread and fix the car, but I won't vacuum. If I start to do it again, it'll be at 7am before I go to work. She can deal with the woken up baby then.

And then today, when I had to go straight out again to the supermarket after getting back from work, I asked her whether there was anything ready to eat. "No, I couldn't think of anything". Well honestly, boiling 4 potatoes won't win any prizes, but it would have been more than acceptable to a hungry, tired husband with a busy week ahead. What makes it worse is that she was on the fricking internet when I came in.

I'm pissed off.

OP posts:
moondog · 28/04/2008 22:53

Well, it's no less or more helpful than a load of women screeching at the poor bloke for having the temerity to question what his wife is doing all day.

I've never worked out what is so hard about cooking a basic meal and putting things back where thery belong.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 28/04/2008 22:53

Mr & Mrs Triathlete

SlartyBartFast · 28/04/2008 22:54

ha ha
vvv

themildmanneredjanitor · 28/04/2008 22:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tori32 · 28/04/2008 22:55

Yes but urbannixie maybe he would like to 'savour' his time with LO at the weekend but instead has to hoover because his wife is too idle . He is already back at work.

itsahardknocklife · 28/04/2008 22:56

every couple is different, I guess and the OP and his DW will have to find their own happy medium. What is for sure, however, is that having a baby throws everything up in the air and it takes a while to settle down again.

theUrbanNixie · 28/04/2008 22:57

yeah or he could chill the fuck out and stop stressing about the hoovering!! then they could both enjoy the lo!

tori32 · 28/04/2008 22:58

FFS the baby is 6.5mths old! Definately long enough to get your act together IME (if you want to that is!)

SlartyBartFast · 28/04/2008 22:59

but there is more to life than hoovering.
does she go out with lo?

ZeMNetterWithZeBigBoobies · 28/04/2008 22:59

She might be watching daytime TV. Let me think how it would pan out......

The day starts with Jeremy Kyle
Over to Channel 5 with Tricia
Elevenses - 5 chocolate mini rolls (1 for baby, 4 for mum)
Turn to ITV2 for Judge Judy
Then Rikki
Lunch - 3 sausage rolls (being very careful not to get crumbs on the carpet)
Back to Channel 4 for Countdown and Deal or No Deal

Then it's time to welcome Dear Darling Husband.

bozza · 28/04/2008 23:00

I think a lot of you are being very unsympathetic. He is working all day and doing the evening babycare and cooking and washing up and you are accusing him of slacking?

As it happens my DH did the hoovering for several months on a day that I had been at home all day with DD but that was because she was really petrified of the hoover. So I would dust, clean the bathrooms and have the floors clear, then would take DD out of the way while DH hoovered upstairs and the stairs. DD will now sit on her bed looking at books while I hoover so that is what we do now.

I think you need to talk to her about how this is a big thing for you. And maybe she could do it, or take on something else so that you can do it. It does seem a bit odd to do one room a day, mind you, hardly worth getting it out for. Otherwise I do wonder if there might be a PND issue....

itsahardknocklife · 28/04/2008 23:00

UrbanNixie, well said!
Tori32 - not if the lady has PND.

PeachesMcLean · 28/04/2008 23:00

I'd like to hear from Mrs Triathlete. I'd be interested to see what her OP was like. "LO is 6months and i really should be coping better, but I can't". We just don't know.

themildmanneredjanitor · 28/04/2008 23:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 28/04/2008 23:02

She doesnt seem like a slut or a slattern though - she just Doesnt Like Vacuuming.

That's not the same as her not having her act together or not doing anything.

And as for the odd occasion where dinner wasnt ready and on the table - ffs! Shit happens sometimes.

Everyone has slightly different ideas of being tidy, or what is important. Perhaps their ideas are mis-matched. HUGE assumptions being made here.

themildmanneredjanitor · 28/04/2008 23:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

amytheearwaxbanisher · 28/04/2008 23:02

sorry peaches!its more sacred in this house then dh

theUrbanNixie · 28/04/2008 23:03

but it's HOOVERING!!

it doesn't MATTER!

i used to stress about this - i never used to have time for everything in the day and have a life, i just didn't. maybe if moondog and tori had lived near me they could have come over to help me get organised but the fact is i just learned to chill out and not get so uptight about it.

theUrbanNixie · 28/04/2008 23:04

{and so will MrTriathelete, i am sure!!)

VeniVidiVickiQV · 28/04/2008 23:04

Oh, and it's nice that the OP "lets her put her feet up"

Is the baby sleeping well at night?

bozza · 28/04/2008 23:04

There is a difference between dinner not being on the table and having no idea what is for dinner. When mine were 6 months I was working 3 days a week and still getting dinner on the table most of the time. But now I will be accused of being an uber-coper like moondog.

PeachesMcLean · 28/04/2008 23:05

TBF Bozza, he doesn't say he does everything, and he does say that "DW does do stuff in the house", he just doesn't agree with what she does.

Triathlete, why are you baking bread as a chore? If it's not done as a pleasure, buy it from the shop. Seriously.

SlartyBartFast · 28/04/2008 23:05

but i thought the op cooked.
sometimes i don't know what to do.

perhaps it's a very long day for her without enough stimulation

itsahardknocklife · 28/04/2008 23:05

My DH cooks dinner every day when he gets in from work. He says it is better that way as he knows he won't be poisoned.

bozza · 28/04/2008 23:06

Oh yes, vvv, you have reminded me, and breastfeeding in the night. I do think you (collective you) are giving the OP a rough ride. I thought his problem with doing the hoovering himself was waking the baby up.