to think that DW could do ever such a little bit more around the house?

[Triathlete]

I know how hard it is to look after an infant all day, and I'm really glad that I was able to take paternity leave and help in those early weeks.

And I'm happy to take over fully when I get in from work - bathe, feed and put DS (6.5 months) to bed, cook for us, wash up, make her a cup of tea and let her put her feet up.

And DW does do stuff in the house, but only what suits her and what she likes. She makes a great deal out of "tidying your wardrobe" for instance, but I've never asked her to do it.

The one thing that I would like her to do is the vacuuming. We have a dusty house - allotment, garden, walks in the country and so on. When I was living alone I did it in the morning before going to work. It's only a small house - ten minutes doing one room every day and every room gets done at least once a week, and the place is cleaner, fresher and healthier.

The other week I worked hard on a friend's car in exchange for the loan of an industrial carpet cleaner, then I spent Saturday cleaning all the carpets - they came up beautifully.

But she won't vacuum. And I refuse to do it at the weekend - I cook, iron cothes, clean windows, bake bread and fix the car, but I won't vacuum. If I start to do it again, it'll be at 7am before I go to work. She can deal with the woken up baby then.

And then today, when I had to go straight out again to the supermarket after getting back from work, I asked her whether there was anything ready to eat. "No, I couldn't think of anything". Well honestly, boiling 4 potatoes won't win any prizes, but it would have been more than acceptable to a hungry, tired husband with a busy week ahead. What makes it worse is that she was on the fricking internet when I came in.

I'm pissed off.

You know, yesterday, i spent a whole five minutes feeling bloody smug about my breastfeeding. Felt really good and I deserved it. [wonderwoman emoticon]

btw - I've hoovered today so I'm not MrsTriathlete (in any way, shape or form)

I went back and re-read the OP as it seems the majority here thinks she's a slattern.
I find myself relatively uninspired when it comes to thinking of what to have for the evening meal. Does that make me a lazy cow?

(My earlier post just reminded me. I saw the last 30 mins of Jeremy Kyle this morning. Are they all for real? This last dilemma was about a woman who won't throw her useless cousin out even though he's a sorry excuse of a lodger. And it was the second time she'd been on. Do they get paid for their appearances?)

Well in my defense you are describing the early weeks of babyhood, whereas I thought the OP was asking about a 6mo. I found the 6mo time probably the easiest of all, which is what I was basing my response on!

It was the time after they stopped wailing so much and needing feeding a lot, but before they started crawling! In fact, I would say that 12-18mo were far, far worse! I do recall that everytime I tried to sit down a little person would come over and take my hand and pull me up to come and meet their endless needs!

But 6mo was a piece of piss - for me at least

Yes, to be fair, in my case, i was talking about up to about 5 months of solid crying. Yes, 6 months I had it sorted and DS was "easy" but I think I just spent that month flabbergasted and recovering at the previous year of awfulness

I had a really bad pregnancy if you wodnering why 6 months suddenly equals one year...

Oh yes, I was describing DS from the outset.

He was born in April and I started posting in the August at wits end. He didnt start sleeping through at night (as in not waking 3-5 times a night) until he was 11 months old.

He didnt start napping during the day until he was 15 months old

He is very demanding, has always been, and no doubt always will be. You cannot take your eye off him for a moment.

The instant he started crawling it got a whole lot worse too. He could climb before he could walk!

DD was easy. I could do loads with her. She slept every time we got in the car, she rarely cried. She was always quite content, and even though she was walking at 9.5 months, she was never one to get up to mischeif. If I'd had two like that I'd have probably coped a whole lot better.

One post or two and the OP sat back to watch the action .... Reminds of..... a....

no, not saying it.

Agree that it definitely depends on the child. I hardly managed to get anything done with dd, now I have ds, 7 weeks, and so far (fingers crossed) he's been a dream and will happily lie there and gurgle away while I do stuff which just amazes me (dd never did this). Massive difference.

Am also a little about lots of exposure to something you fear. I developed a fear of spiders as a child, and my parents took this approach and it just seemed to cement my fear (to the extent that even now I can't touch a toy spider even - I go panicking and my palms sweaty, mouth dry etc). But maybe that was bad luck.

I'm probably doing slightly more housework now I'm back at work than I was when baby was 6 months. My dp could have been the OP here though I don't think he was.

I think what I was doing instead was trying to get out the house as much as possible.

I'm not sure how unreasonable or reasonable the OP is being. I can identify with not being able to think of anything to cook, maybe the two of you should try and plan meals including who's going to cook when, get a cleaner, get supermarket shopping delivered (at least some of it), get in a takeaway occasionally, be kind to yourselves and each others. Is DW on the internet shopping/doing practical stuff/looking for social company of some kind?

I think most of the responders are being totally unreasonable. I still felt such a failure when DS was 6 months old, I still do at my darker moments, I'd have hated to hear how easy it was to get everything done with dcs in tow. Thank goodness for Nixie and VVV pointing out that it can be difficult sometimes!

I don't think having a difficult baby should be an excuse not to work. Sure it's much harder if you're a mother to a screamer, but it's perfectly possible.

Work still has to get done.

And yes my current baby is shockingly awful, has been for the past 12 months.

For me the issue here is that the op is doing all the work and his wife is doing f. all.
I don't think it's ok that she spends all day looking after the baby ( which she doesn't because they don't need looking after all day), other things need doing too.

Of course if her baby is a bad tempered thing then she can do less work than if it were a dream baby but she should still do something.

I was so sure he was my husband apart from we were busy bathing our 13mo as he covered himself in calpol last night when Triathlete posted. But I do hoover, not as often as some people do.

What I don't do is cook as I am bloody useless at it. So dh does 99% of the cooking. I will sometimes do Spag Bol or a Chilli.

If my DH asked me to hoover everyday I would tell him where he could stick the hoover.

Have you considered that maybe your dw would like you to spend a bit of time with her and ds, rather than working on a friend's car and cleaning the carpets?

Since you acknowledge that your hoover wakes your ds up, can you advise when your dw should be doing it? Is he of the temperament that would allow her to just plonk him down for a while whilst awake to do it? Or could you ask her to do it whilst you are bathing ds - what does she do at this point?

You appear to contradict yourself re who does the cooking. You claim at the start of your OP that you cook for you both, but then moan that she hadn't cooked for you yesterday. Well why would she if you normally do the cooking. Which version of events is true?

posts and runs ..that is not a new dad looking for advice .. that's journo or namechanger looking for fun

I've got a 5mo dd and i actually find it pretty hard to fit everything in every day as she has started to bawl as soon as i put her down if i've been carrying her or whenever i walk away from her if she has been happily lying playing- she only has little 'power naps' for 30 mins at a time and that's when i try and repair the damage dp has done in the house the night before and while leaving for work- he is quite messy! If I am really tired or just want some time to myself I try and prioritise tasks that need to be done and have a go on mn!

he takes sole responsibility for dd for about half an hour every evening at some point after he comes is (not long enough imo!) and probably does bath with her every third day - i dry her, dress her for bed and normally do the whole bedtime routine with her too so in an average day i usually:

unload and reload dishwasher
clean hob and surfaces
tidy living room
put away the many towels / clothes / dressing gown / fleeces (3) that dp drapes in every room EVERY blooming day
put away dried washing (he normally put washes on and hangs out)
hoover every room
mop every room probably every 2/3 days
make dinner 50% of the time
clear majority of kitchen after dinner100% of the time.

My working day starts at 6am (so does his) and while his ends at 4 when he gets home, mine ends at about 9pm, when he goes to bed. I then stay up for a few hours to try and wind down and have some time to myself. I do all the night duties alone so despite what some people have said, it is hard work. In my experience so far it is harder than doing a 9-5 and my dp for one doesn't accept or understand that.

i must be honest our toddler points to the hoover and says daddys! But in my defence i do take kids out socialising every day which i do think is important. Im not bone idle but dont particularly like housework. Agreed it was my turn last night to clean ensuite, managed to get dp to do it in exchange for a 20minute massage. Would have done it but this way were both happy

I don't think the op, troll, journo ( twig I think you're right this is a wind up, but interesting discussion none the less), whatever, should have to ask.

There should be shared work between partners.

If one is out working FT then the one at home should do the at home jobs and share some duties when both are at home.

the OP isnt saying his dw should vacumn the whole palce everyday, he said one room a day would mean the whole house gets done at lerast once a week.

and yes vacumning does matter. it helps dd's breathe easier and makes the place seem fresher all over.

I agree misdee. one room a day means each room gets done once a week - not too much to ask surely? Ido my living room at least 3 times a week (hall & Kitchen have tiles/wood floor = we have a dog!) but the rest of the house once a week.

Also, I agree with moondog. A lot of women ARE lazy when it comes to housework! Nobody thinks it is easy to look after a small baby, but if MY DH came home from work and looked after the baby, I'd whizz around with teh hoover then! You don't have to let your house turn into a tip because you have a baby.

I'm not a perfect housewife by any means, my house DOES get messy, but I try to do a little bit each day and it works.

kicthen and living room, are tidied every day. i got a lovely new dyson from the dyson trials on here which works brillantly on our wood floors and rugs. takes a couple of minutes each day. even if dd3 does hide with her head under the pillow every time i get the thing out.

Are you an olympic or sprint distance triathlete? Do you have a favourite discipline? How are your finish times?

Reading your OP, it occurs to me to wonder if she has PND ? which can lead to feelings of hopelessness and inability to cope.

Yes, looking after one baby is not that demanding, but when it is yr first it can feel quite overwhelming. Still, she should be able to find time to hoover. Have you asked her to do it? What did she say?

I think you are doing a lot and I would not expect my DH to come home from work and make dinner and wash up if I had been at home all day with one child. You really need to talk to each other.

Some good posts on here ? but I agree with bozza. If the OP is correct then his DW is not doing a fat sight by the sound of it ? she neither cooks nor cleans.
I hoover downstairs every day btw ? the OP is only talking about hovering each room once a week.

judging by the number of posts on this thread, its obvious all us mums are far too busy MNing to be bothering with hoovering!
unplug your broadband router for a day and see if your floors suddenly get cleaned!

Triathlete, hmmmmm, "and when i got home she was on the fricking internet" i suspect she was on mumsnet and you are trying to get your point across.

What does she do all day? I am very slovenly and dont do nearly as much housework as i should but i do the bare minimum most days and some days i do nothing, it depends what i have been up to with DD.

Has she always been this way (ive always been lazy) or only since baby - im wondering if there is a touch of PND leading to the lack of motivation - or just a rut. Maybe the summer will induce her to be more proactive. Or it could just be that, like me, she just isnt that domestic??

I feel a bit guilty actually, for being so lazy