to think that DW could do ever such a little bit more around the house?

[Triathlete]

I know how hard it is to look after an infant all day, and I'm really glad that I was able to take paternity leave and help in those early weeks.

And I'm happy to take over fully when I get in from work - bathe, feed and put DS (6.5 months) to bed, cook for us, wash up, make her a cup of tea and let her put her feet up.

And DW does do stuff in the house, but only what suits her and what she likes. She makes a great deal out of "tidying your wardrobe" for instance, but I've never asked her to do it.

The one thing that I would like her to do is the vacuuming. We have a dusty house - allotment, garden, walks in the country and so on. When I was living alone I did it in the morning before going to work. It's only a small house - ten minutes doing one room every day and every room gets done at least once a week, and the place is cleaner, fresher and healthier.

The other week I worked hard on a friend's car in exchange for the loan of an industrial carpet cleaner, then I spent Saturday cleaning all the carpets - they came up beautifully.

But she won't vacuum. And I refuse to do it at the weekend - I cook, iron cothes, clean windows, bake bread and fix the car, but I won't vacuum. If I start to do it again, it'll be at 7am before I go to work. She can deal with the woken up baby then.

And then today, when I had to go straight out again to the supermarket after getting back from work, I asked her whether there was anything ready to eat. "No, I couldn't think of anything". Well honestly, boiling 4 potatoes won't win any prizes, but it would have been more than acceptable to a hungry, tired husband with a busy week ahead. What makes it worse is that she was on the fricking internet when I came in.

I'm pissed off.

is he your husband

LOL hardknock.

when my DS was 6 months old I could hoover right up where he was sleeping and he wouldn't wake up.
How often is the OP wanting the vacuuming to be done? Once a week would be better than nothing - he could do it at the weekend.

Maybe it is how we are interpreting the OP. I wonder if a bit of bargaining could be done - "look if you can get dinner underway I will do the hoovering as soon as I get in", that kind of thing.

Don't get me wrong, I am not a slave to the hoover/ duster and my kitchen floor is still waiting to be mopped However, from the OP it appears she is doing very little at all. It should be split. Yes, it can be tiring looking after a baby, yes she may have PND (but this wasn't mentioned in the OP). It takes me about 20mins in the morning to put washing on and hoover the front room and hall. I think she could do more, especially when her DH is at work and is doing all the evening childcare.

I'm goign to generalise here and say that men tend not to be so underhanded when moaning about their partner.

Us laydeez, on the other hand, love to moan about their DH/Ps not pulling their weight.

It's quite strange seeing a male MNer post on here to rally support against their wife.

Oh now you are just being reasonable and logical.

We don't hoover every room once a week. Is that bad?

Nope.

PMSL at 'the intensity of looking after a small baby'!

I think the intense phase must have passed me by! I just can't for the life of me imagine what is hard work in looking after a 6 mo. Change of nappy a few times a day, feed them a few times, clear up, put them down for a nap, take them out for some fresh air. And erm... that's about it, isn't it?

there is absolutely no way i can hoover with ds in the house. he literally shits himself with fear!

i do it in the half hour between dropping him at nursery and starting work, if it gets done at all.

if BabyTriathelete is of the same ilk i can quite understand why she's unwilling to hoover in the day.

and IT DOESN'T MATTER in the grand scheme of things.

Oh god, Soapbox, your baby was obviously far easier than mine. Or maybe you just handled it better than me!

Soapbox, yeah, i found it quite stressful. Various reasons why, but was glad to get back to work for a bit of peace...

Yes I went back to work for peace too! But after 10 months back at work I decided I wanted to be home afterall, with DS. Mind you, I am now having help with the PND that I tried to ignore for the first 14months after DS was born, and so it is much easier to be around him.

soapbox PMSL as I think the intensity moment was robbed here too! My 4wk old is certainly not intense, nor my 2.3yo in the 2hrs she sleeps in the afternoon or 2 mornings she goes to creche. Just because a baby is awake doesn't mean you can't do anything!

I think if the baby was terrified his DW would have said something by now

I think my babies were both relatively 'easy' yes - but how tricky can a baby be?

I had hours of free time for shopping, meeting friends, lunch etc.

Or maybe the mists of time have given my glasses a rosey tint

If a child is frightened of something the best cure is lots of exposure to it.

soapy - I fear it may have been A Long Time since you looked after a 6 month old

Tori - I think you are getting much more info from the OP than I did. I dont think he's said she doesnt do anything, just doesnt do the things he thinks she should do. That isn't the same thing.

And to be honest someone who'll work their arse off just to get the loan of an industrial carpet cleaner seems a little bit, well, obsessed to me....

But, I really dont like hoovering so perhaps I am biased

yes Tori - i do stuff really efficiently when my baby boy is quivering and wailing in his own shite.

Technique wise, the point I would make is that I think its easier to vacuum a floor at a time than a room at a time. More satisfying too. No idea whether OP's wife should do more as don't know their baby.

Believe me, a baby can be tricky. It was the constant crying that did for me. Pushing him up and down the streets in his pushchair so that I had some peace. Until i got him into a routine (all praise gina - honest!) it was really pretty awful. Constant crying.

yes I know it was 6 1/2 years ago but still stresses me out! And I didn't have loads of family around, nor many friends with their own children. Plus various health issues / bereavement to deal with.

Crikey, woe is me. sorry.

only way i can hoover in the day is if i carry my 18 month old round screaming so i pass on it and do it once hes gone bed. Also means its clean for a few hours as well as being soooooooo much easier

Oh, you two - let me introduce you to my DS sometime........

he was shockingly difficult, bless his cottons!

He cried A Lot. He rarely slept but was tired (hence crying). He didn't seem to want to do anything that 'normal' babies do. He didnt nap (this is how I came across MN - was at wits end). He had oral thrush (undiagnosed) for the first 5 weeks of life (and I had breast thrush for 5 weeks undiagnosed - fucking ouch - took 3 weeks to settle down). He screamed having his nappy changed. He screamed at being put down. He screamed at being moved. He just screamed. I spent most of the first 4 months of his life holding him or trying to stop him crying.

The complete opposite of DD (my first) who you could (and still can) move around, hoover, etc around whilst asleep.

Some babies really are difficult. Consider yourselves lucky

you know, thinking about it, Tori and Moondog's attitude of "Well I looked after x amount of tiny babies and did all the housework, so therefore someone who can't is lazy/incompetent" is very like me saying "Well I managed to establish breastfeeding with no trouble so therefore anyone who can't is lazy/incompetent."

hardly fair, no?