To want to change careers because I miss my working class roots?

[LSCC]

I'm from a very working class background and working class family. Just generations and generations of working class. I was and still am the only one in my family to go to university and I've somehow gotten myself through the doors into a very middle class career. I'm just so unhappy there. Every conversation reminds me of how different I am. I have assimilated in some ways - the only reason I started travelling abroad was because I was sick of how often travel came up in conversation. Corporate DEI and how important a diverse workforce is, yet one of the first questions you'll be asked is what school you went to - expecting me to answer with some boarding school that they may have played a netball match or two with, rather than a local comprehensive that was rated 'needs improvement' by Ofsted. Being asked where I ski? Erm... I'm polite and friendly with colleagues obviously, but going from those kinds of conversations to back around my friends and family is such a culture shock.

I just don't think this kind of pretence is worth it anymore, and when I look back on the different jobs I've had the happiest ones have been when I have been surrounded by people with a similar background to me.

Does anyone else on here from a working class background struggle with this?

Wow I'm amazed those kind of questions happen in the workplace. Is it their first job?

I'd say have a professional and a personal persona. Don't mix the two. I tend to develop friendships more with colleagues once I've left the organisation. Not friends with colleagues on FB. Keeps it simple this way.

Also look at what professional networks there are that you can join to give you a wider network outside work. Get into volunteering. You could do something around helping young people who are interested in your line of work but don't know the way in.

Although you don't want to risk relationships with colleagues there's also something to be said for pointing out the absurdity of their assumptions that everyone likes or goes skiing, or that it matters what school you went to.

Also some people are just dicks, private school or not. They might just be not very nice people.

Disclaimer- I went to private school on a scholarship but left at 16 and chose a non corporate route. Was first in my family to go to uni.

They sound awful! Don't blame you for wanting to get away and work with some normal people.
Is everyone you work with like that??

Could it just be this company in particular, rather than the industry as a whole?

Why do they sound awful?

I say this as gently as possible but I think you are being a bit silly.
I’m as working class as they come. I’m not ‘proud’ of it, nor am I ‘not proud’ of it; it is what it is. It’s like having blue eyes or brown eyes just a fact.
If they ask you what school you went to, just state the fact calmly. They probably won’t know where it is and probably don’t care. I find most people are very self absorbed and prefer to talk about themselves.
Sorry but I think this is more of a you problem.

These questions seem to happen only occasionally in my experience.
I am working class and managed to fit and make friends.
You would probably be asked questions in a working class environment as well.
Think of it as part of the ‘getting to know you process.’
Focus on what you have in common such as the work itself, books as and films etc.

I’m from a very poor WC background also in a v MC profession, the first one either side of my family to stay in education past the age of 14. Neither parent is fluently literate. I’m neither unhappy nor pretending to be anything other than what I am. I don’t ski anywhere, I went to a sink estate failing school that taught me to use my fists. I like being around people whose early lives were so different to mine - I find it expands my mind.

This sound like a cultural thing in the company, rather than an issue with your actual job. Move out of the city (if you are in London) and up north, you'll still have the same career opportunities but be mixing with a genuinely diverse mix of colleagues.

The trouble is if you went into a WC career you would now be perceived as ‘posh’ so you may not fit as well as you think. I’m in the position of having stacks of degrees but a low paid job in mc terms and feel like I don’t fit either world. I think the poster upthread who says to develop a work persona is spot on.

This sounds like inverse snobbery. If you haven’t been skiing just say you’ve never been! Maybe say you’d like to one day and ask them where they go? It’s just conversation.

I am as middle class as they come. I work in a largely very MC profession - psychology.

I have never been asked what school I went to or where I go skiing. (I have never been skiing, fwiw.)

I think this is your firm or your particular job not a middle class thing. Try switching companies?

Look on it as them just trying to seek a connection. It’s nice to take an interest in someone and make conversation.

i had the opposite problem early in my career and really appreciated people who looked beyond accent and background just tried to connect kindly on some level, even if there were a few misfires.

I also have a very WC class background and was the only one in my family to go to University. I'm now in my mid 40s and have worked in quite a few difference places. Some are how you describe, some are not. My current one is, if you have annual leave colleagues expect that you will be going to some far flung destination or skiing or similar. Until last year I was a single mother and just about getting by. I just tell the truth. Which school did I go to? One where I learned to fight, like a previous poster said.

I have also found as time has gone on in my career that the opposite is now true, I have worked in places where I am perceived as 'posh' because of my work history. Just be yourself, there are lots of people like us.

Are these people very young - who asks about what school you went to? My kids said that was the we question the posh kids asked at freshers week! Fully grown adults asking - it’s weird.
People do like to talk about their travel though and I don’t think it matters much whether they’ve travelled 100 or 10,000 miles. It feels like safe territory for a chat in a professional environment.

Stop trying to fit in and be yourself. As they say, everyone else is taken.

I can always tell someone who is insecure and pretending to be someone they're not. I have so much respect for people who are unashamedly themselves. You're not responsible for how others judge you.

I think you would be daft to throw away financial security just because you were asked where you ski. These questions might be irritating, but they are easy enough to answer. "I don't ski, I prefer X" "I went to X school" or even "sorry, can't talk, got to catch up on some emails, bye".

I work in psychology too. It is an astoundingly middle class profession, to the extent I am part of a national working group to address class barriers in the profession! Many of us have reported similar issues to the OP and feeling as though we don’t fit in with peers. Even if you just google classism in clinical psychology, a lot will come up. There are massive issues with recruitment and training in this respect too. If you don’t notice it, it is probably because you are part of it and blind to it.

@LSCC I know exactly what you mean and you aren’t alone. I know I am very much middle class nowadays but I do not come from that background. It can be difficult feeling so different from your peers. I wonder if you can bond over other things though - most of my friends are MC but because we’ve connected over other things e.g life events, perspectives on issues (I realise class can come into this) etc it has mattered less. Don’t write people off straight away because they’ve been to boarding school or went skiing every year, or another MC stereotype. People can surprise you. I think there are many people who feel like you who are probably not vocal about it too, so it may be the case of trying to find your work tribe! Sending solidarity OP.

OP this isn’t about them, it’s about you and your confidence. Own who you are with pride. “Skiing holidays? No we didn’t do that….we did X, Y, Z” - turn it around and tell them about your upbringing and say it with an air of confidence and gratitude. You have nothing to prove, be yourself and you will be respected for that.

Come on. So tiresome to be around people that don't understand that 94% of us didn't go to private school let alone boarding school. What a small life they must have led.
The only time is ever happened to me was on university open days at Bristol and Durham. Took me a little while to realise why people were asking about my comprehensive school and then looking absolutely blank about it.

Does your industry have a working class network? I’ve seen it in mine, it’s about challenging perceptions and barriers of and to the industry. If not, maybe you could set one up and fly the flag? You might find you’re not as alone as you think - or help make a positive and lasting change to your sector.

Your work place sounds more upper class than middle class however a living is a living I don't get on with half my colleagues some of them talk pure shit constantly. If your job pays well I'm assuming it does just keep plowing through it

I've never been skiing or been asked what school I went to in my extremely MC profession!

I went to private school but I don't tell anyone at work because people can be very judgemental about it.

Sounds like maybe the culture of wherever you are working is the problem, can you find a new employer where you feel more comfortable?

Definitely not upper class. The upper class don’t work!

The only time I've ever asked someone where they went to school is when I was picking out schools for my children and asked some colleagues who I knew grew up in the area and wanted opinions.