To want to change careers because I miss my working class roots?

[LSCC]

I'm from a very working class background and working class family. Just generations and generations of working class. I was and still am the only one in my family to go to university and I've somehow gotten myself through the doors into a very middle class career. I'm just so unhappy there. Every conversation reminds me of how different I am. I have assimilated in some ways - the only reason I started travelling abroad was because I was sick of how often travel came up in conversation. Corporate DEI and how important a diverse workforce is, yet one of the first questions you'll be asked is what school you went to - expecting me to answer with some boarding school that they may have played a netball match or two with, rather than a local comprehensive that was rated 'needs improvement' by Ofsted. Being asked where I ski? Erm... I'm polite and friendly with colleagues obviously, but going from those kinds of conversations to back around my friends and family is such a culture shock.

I just don't think this kind of pretence is worth it anymore, and when I look back on the different jobs I've had the happiest ones have been when I have been surrounded by people with a similar background to me.

Does anyone else on here from a working class background struggle with this?

I went to Bristol and can confirm. I was asked these sorts of questions constantly!

Working class background here in the civil service. Also been asked where I ski and where I ‘schooled’. I often wonder if people are fuming I’m in the same meetings as them with my crap education whilst theirs cost a fortune.

Much like any workplace there will be absolute gems you will find in-spite of the differences.

be proud of your success and know that it’s just work - somewhere you go for the money. I tend to think it’s best to have friendly professional relationships at work anyway rather than good friends. So no need to be the same.

It can be difficult OP. I worked in a company which was about 50% like this and I still felt excluded a bit. It was also 100% white. (I look quite white but my family and people I grew up with are very mixed). I eventually found my tribe in my life external to work. I continued to work but it wasn't the source of my social life/ holidays anymore and I spent a lot more time with real friends. I loved my actual job so the people were more bearable when I had my own life outside work.

Think carefully if you could handle the pay cut in a more working class environment. If there is none, then why not move. Or stick at it to you have enough money to work where you'd like to.

This is a good point.

Do you have to go to private school and go skiiing to qualify as middle class?

That's a new one on me.

Is that you, Kemi, doing a reverse?
There you were, working class for 5 mins during you McDs job, and now you want back to the comfort of MCness?

Yes, always thought of myself as middle class but comp and FE college and little interest in fancy holidays and houses. I live in a very ordinary mixed area and much prefer that, disliked aspirational suburbs when I was married. Do/could you live somewhere like that?

I’m in exactly the same position as you op. Classist microaggressions on the daily. A presumption that everyone is wealthy and comes from that background. The look of horror when you don’t speak RP. EDI is laughable - lots of sincere face hang wringing over protected characteristics but treated like dog shit when you’re WC.

I’ve got used to it now but you have my sympathies. It’s a daily reminder that you’re ’less than’ and the steady drip drip does affect your mental health.

I am also very middle class but a very different kind of middle class from most of the people I work with.

They all ski twice a year and have villas in France and parents with townhouses in Islington. Almost all of them went to public school. I am MC in the sense that I am the third generation to go to university in my family and grew up in a leafy suburb but with far less money and culturally very different. The only time I have ever been skiing was on the company trip. I just shrug and walk away if people start banging on about this sort of thing: we can’t all do everything and you have skills and qualities they don’t have.

I understand the feeling of dislocation but I think this is the reality of life for most people unless you never leave your home town.

There’s less social mobility in Britain than there used to be but you still have to learn to rub along with people who come from different backgrounds. You can’t expect both to get on in life and to live in a hermetically sealed demographic bubble.

Ultimately it strengthens social mobility to keep people from different backgrounds exposed to one another. It enriches us all and supports social diversity. It would be self defeating to cut yourself off from the opportunity this role could offer just to be back in your comfort zone.

I've worked in various sectors and had the school, ski and most memorably 'what did your father do'
It does exist and it still annoys the hell out of me.
I talk to my DDs about it a lot. Work or people on your course are colleagues, not friends, colleagues. It's a different kind of relationship, when you think about them use the word colleague and take the emotion out of it. It's a process, a means to an end, it's about using the resources - people, knowledge, time to get the best outcome for work.
If you can find a mentor who understands this and can advise or even just confirm what you are experiencing it's much less lonely.

Build strong hobbies & life outside of work.
Stick at it, enjoy the money and the opportunities. And don't don't forget previous generations from all backgrounds travelled for work, armed forces, love. Posh people just spin it really, really well.

Stick around op, social mobility is the latest diversity initiative! Being from a WC background might get you promoted

I've been asked too (at university). I just answered honestly 'it was called X, it's a state school' or 'I've been a couple of times in Italy, but I wasn't very good'

Even if you find you don't have much in common with your other colleagues it doesn't mean they are looking down on you (I am often jealous of my teams weekends! - they are either childfree or have older children. I am at the swimming/football/birthday party stage)

It's possible that people don't feel the need to check you out because they can sense that you're already part of the group. People like me and OP though...we have to be classified because there's something different about us that others can't quite put their finger on it.

Come on who goes to boarding school? Someone on this thread said 94% of people don't so it's definitely not middle class

I know many middle class people who went to boarding school.

I’m in Glasgow…asking what school you went means a very different thing here! 😂😂😂

An overwhelming majority of the population don’t go to private school(about 95%) so you have been very unlucky in your work place.

However - most people don't go to boarding school. Including most middle class people.

Most people don't go skiiing.

This sounds like my profession. I’m from a working class background and first to go to uni etc. I tried the ‘work persona’ thing but it made me feel a little lost, like I was never myself either at work or at home.

My job brings me into contact with extremely wealthy ppl, to a level that is unimaginable for me, and they tend to be very self aware and never flaunt it.

Most ppl who behave how you describe are just trying to make conversation and mean no harm. Others may be putting on a front because they don’t feel comfortable. It’s amazing how many I’ve met who soften once they hear my accent, then their real voice usually comes out too.

There will be the pocket of idiots who may wish to put you down but that’s their issue.

Are you in London?
Move North if you can, we don't go in for that sort of nonsense up here - I have never once been asked which school I went to in a work environment

A good few if my friends have changed their job or field to work with a more diverse range of people. My nurse friend changed hospital from an affluent area to a large inner city hospital for that reason. Another friend worked in a private school but is much happier in a local comp now. It's not unusual at all.

I'm WC background who now passes for MC and can't remember the last time I got asked either of these questions. The schools thing only ever comes up if I'm chatting with someone of a similar age who I find out comes from the same small city as me - then I'm interested as we may know people in common (and more often than not we do!), but that could be from state or private.

The skiiing question is people chatting about stuff they do - I don't ski, so I just say that. Never been an issue or feel like I've been looked down on.

Sorry they're not middle class they're upper. A lot of upper class people want to appear normal so they claim to be middle class but if you can afford boarding school you ain't middle class

I've definitely had this - I've worked in a couple of corporate big roles the last few years and it's always shocking how tone deaf and confused people will be at the idea of working class.

Key examples being: Finally brought my first home this year, massive assumption that my parents will have fronted the deposit (they absolutely have not - I'm actually financially supporting both of them currently, not the other way around!)

Yes, constant questions about when I'm going to ski/where I ski/if DS loves skiing 😂

Even the assumption I went to Uni - I didn't, and I'm the only person in my entire company (300+) who didn't. But if that ever comes up it's like you're from a different planet.

To be fair it also works the other way around. My working class family doesn't and won't believe stories I tell about people from work, so 💁‍♀️

You seem to be confusing class and money.
You can have a lot of money and still be working class or be upper class and skint