To want to change careers because I miss my working class roots?

[LSCC]

I'm from a very working class background and working class family. Just generations and generations of working class. I was and still am the only one in my family to go to university and I've somehow gotten myself through the doors into a very middle class career. I'm just so unhappy there. Every conversation reminds me of how different I am. I have assimilated in some ways - the only reason I started travelling abroad was because I was sick of how often travel came up in conversation. Corporate DEI and how important a diverse workforce is, yet one of the first questions you'll be asked is what school you went to - expecting me to answer with some boarding school that they may have played a netball match or two with, rather than a local comprehensive that was rated 'needs improvement' by Ofsted. Being asked where I ski? Erm... I'm polite and friendly with colleagues obviously, but going from those kinds of conversations to back around my friends and family is such a culture shock.

I just don't think this kind of pretence is worth it anymore, and when I look back on the different jobs I've had the happiest ones have been when I have been surrounded by people with a similar background to me.

Does anyone else on here from a working class background struggle with this?

They’re likely just making conversation. Why not just answer honestly? You are making far too much of these questions, presuming assumptions, and not giving them the chance to respond with any genuine talk by ‘holding up a pretence’. Why?

I would ask - why do you feel the need for pretence op? Be proud of your roots. You've worked hard and done well and there's a lot of systemic reasons why people are 'working class' and don't get to have more successful careers and be lifted out of poverty etc. I would just answer any questions honestly. Be who you are and let them take you as they find you. If they have an issue with it, it's because they're arseholes not because they're middle class!

There are many ways to look at class. Some involves what you have now and some involve looking at what you had at birth/what you were born into.

A lottery winner is immediately middle to upper class in some ways of assessing class, but whatever they were at birth in others despite their win.

Are they fresh out of uni where a question about school is more relevant? No one I know asks that in a professional context unless it's in a specific context "oh you grew up in Yorkshire so did o where did you go to school" that sort of thing. If you work in DEI it should be a safe enough space to say "I grew up very differently and I find those questions triggering. Others might too - I wanted to make you aware. Maybe you should ask different questions and not assume middle class privilege" although, to be honest, and I'm pretty woke, if you did say that I'd think you a bit of a snowflake.

I would struggle with this too. They probably think they are just making conversation and building connections but really they are othering you.

Stick with your career, when they ask just cheerfully regale them with tales of boys leaving rotting fish under the ceiling tiles and holidays to Butlins.

If you don't ski, just say so? I went to state school if I meet someone around my age from my home city I ask what school they went to so I can see if we know people in common. Just answer at face value. Presumably you've trained for a long time to get into your chosen profession, leaving it because your colleagues go skiing is mental.

I'm not. Going to boarding school is upper class behaviour not middle class. You're right it's not just about the money but the mindset only like 6% of kids go to private school let alone boarding school so it's definitely not middle class.
Generally working class and middle class arent that different but op is clearly in an upper class environment I'm assuming like a lawyer or something

this is an important point, EDI focus is often on ethnicity, gender, sexuality. i work in the creative industries where the workforce is actually really diverse in those terms, where we are not however is in terms of class, privilege, opportunity. it's a real blind spot and we should all be banging this drum, loudly.

As a pp said, just be yourself and proud of it.

I'm a lawyer, practiced in high st firms for over 25 years and, especially when dealing with barristers and judges, started off feeling distinctly like a fish out of water (left school at 16 to work in a factory as that's what everyone in my family did, then did A levels at night school, worked my way up in the Courts system, was recruited as a trainee lawyer, did qualifications while working, blah blah).

Then realised that the posh people who were asking stuff about my background were just trying to make conversation and a connection; they weren't any better than me, I was winning plenty of cases against counsel.

If I'd gone back up North to the rather shit town I come from and got a job in Tesco I would have been more out of place anyway.

Be yourself.

I'm the same apart from uni (didn't attend), i would say its the company not the role.
My previous company was the same and although i learnt a lot from said team and now travel more and have installed the importance of it in my children we were just worlds apart with so many other things.

Try change company before profession x

I'd like to retrain but can't do 3 years full time an hour away from home. It really is only a certain demographic who can.

It sounds awful. I am not working class but we were a poor single parent family and never had too much disposable money as an adult. Parents both teachers, but mum could only work v part time and dad left. I think you need to change work environment. More diverse workplaces are so much better. If I was being asked where I ski I wouldn’t be sticking around. One place I worked in interestingly one of my staff told me the director had asked where she went to school. He didn’t ask me. Hopefully my state school roots shone through

At my work diversity is a big thing but there is very little focus yet on social mobility, there is no senior leader with an accent although think its slowly changing.

However you have a chance to change that from the inside. If you want to, you can raise it and be a role model for people with similar backgrounds to yourself. Lots of firms in professions like law are now moving to blind recruiting, where they blank out schools and unis on cvs, and actively working to recruit from more diverse backgrounds

Just because you're different doesn't mean you don't fit in or you're not valued. Just answer honestly, and challenge things if you feel up to it, eg ask people if they're aware that skiing is financially out of reach for most families

I would very proudky tell em what school i went to, however dhit it was and take up skiing

I went to a school that had Boarding and I know people with DC at Boarding school and none of us are Upper Class. A lot of them are Military or Ex pats
I suppose there are some Boarding schools full of upper class people but its not the case in the ones I know.

I suggested this book on another thread recently and it seems appropriate to put it here.
"There is nothing for you here" by Fiona Hill.
It is very interesting.

But my advice to op is to just relax and embrace herself. Most "snobs" generally don't actually care about looking down on people and it's usually just in your head. They're usually harmless and you can have a laugh with them.

If they do look down their noses on people than it's definitely not going to be someone who managed to climb into their ranks it's more likely to be a homeless man which is still harsh but from the ops perspective she should relax I doubt they care

Lawyers would generally be regarded as middle class. Upper class is aristocracy.

The upper middle classes often send their kids to boarding school.

It sounds like a miserable workplace. I’m from a middle class background so absolutely not my place to advise you, but I also work in a professional / corporate career and these kinds of attitudes and questions are really uncommon in my workplace. We also do have a fairly class-diverse workforce and everyone is pretty normal and friendly.

If you enjoy the work itself then I might try a different company rather than leave the profession entirely. It might just be a poor culture at that workplace, rather than a universal issue.

You deserve nicer colleagues! I hope you’re able to find them.

I think a lot of people don't actually understand what middle class is. Your friends probably are upper class but they think they're middle class because they don't know what real middle class is. Google it middle class professions include teachers, doctors and office workers. Hell I'm middle class and my hourly wage is the minimum wage. Anyone going to boarding school is solidly upper class

With the exception of military I guess

I think you're right that a lot of people don't know what middle class is. Including you by the seems of things.

Middle class straddles a broad range. I regard myself as middle class but went to a state comp. I went to university with lots of middle class people who went to very posh boarding schools. UMC not upper class.

They really aren’t. Class is far more complicated than ‘what you do for a living’ and/or income.

Yes I was clarifying that middle class people go to boarding school, it is not just the upper classes.

Even typing this feels ridiculous- the class system feels so outdated!

@LSCC this sounds a bit how I used to feel - major impostor syndrome. Doesn’t bother me anymore and I’ve realised a lot of people are genuinely curious, a lot are lovely and a few are awful - regardless of background. I used to feel intimidated and now I couldn’t care less … although I do appreciate it’s not an easy thing to shake off. Do you like the actual job though?

Sis 0.7% of UK children go to boarding school. There is nothing "middle" about that.