AIBU for not wanting to pay rent?

[freebirdblue]

I currently live with my older sister and her family and contribute £100 weekly toward rent and bills. I pay for takeaways, contribute toward their date nights, and ubers (apparently they can’t work the app). I relocated and she offered me her spare bedroom for a year so I can save and have more money to put towards a nice one bedroom apartment. On top of that, I also take care of my nephews and walk the dogs daily.

However, my BIL’s parents asked me to house and dog sit while they’re away travelling for two months. I’m a 10 minute drive away but already my expenses have gone up as I’m now doing a food shop (yes, I was spoilt that they included me in their evening dinners) and I have to bring the dogs to the vet (out of my own pocket to later be reimbursed when they return, which is another awkward issue).

However, my sister still wants me to still contribute while I’m not there, she insisted not the full £100 but wasn’t overly pleased when I suggested £50 either. The thing is, I don’t think it’s fair I have to contribute because if I wasn’t in the spare bedroom, no one else would be, and one of her friends is coming and going to stay while I’m away (recently single). I’m not calling to their house for dinner either, but I am still helping out with my nephews and working from home (which I hate doing as I only have my laptop and no other monitors) on certain days for them.

My mum is trying to reason I’d still pay a landlord if I was on holiday, but I’m house sitting for my BIL’s family as a favor (for free) and it’s not exactly a holiday either! However, my friends are arguing it is unreasonable and strange of my sister to expect me to pay. Is it? I’m so conflicted and don’t want to seem ungrateful but I also have to admit I am annoyed.

I made the mistake of telling her my salary and now she holds that against me and tells almost everyone we know I earn more than her and her partner combined. For starters, she works part time and he is an apprentice, they have a mortgage and kids, whereas I’m single and free of responsibility’s in my twenties. My salary isn’t overly great for my position and includes 10% of my pension so it seems like I’m earning more than I am.

AIBU? I feel £50 is more than fair but also feel like I shouldn’t have to contribute either while I’m not there.

Well done, OP! That sounds like a great plan. Great advice from your parents too. I think you need to be further away than the 20-30mins suggested by a PP. More like over an hour away. Stay strong and good luck x

Good news.

As others have said, keep quiet about this until you've signed a contract for the apartment/room, and hope that your sister doesn't get to hear about it from your parents. You need to present it as a done deal, with no possibility of her changing your mind.

£600 a month is a lot of money.

I would ask for proof of breakdown of the bills. And pay a part of it. Gas electric would be higher with an extra person. And possibly water if they are on a meter but other bills are the same.

stop doing the extra babysitting for free. And only pay for your own food.

Definitely do not pay for the vets bill out of pocket. They must know how much it is and can leave that amount.

Your mother's point is valid, in that if you were renting from a landlord then you would still have to pay. Just because it's your sister it isn't a given that you don't have to pay. I'm sure they have started to rely on that money. Either you BIL should have been the one to help out or his parents should have offered some money as I'm sure they are saving heaps on kennel expenses with the added peace of mind that their home is safe. That way you could have given the money they give you to your sister. If they have compromised at £50 then it's very fair and reasonable to pay them the money.

I wouldn't fall out over it just move out late January after the house sitting and put it down to a life lesson.
I think you've been more than reasonable but I guess the people who live in very high rental areas might not have the same view....but they should it's not a formal business agreement it's family.

Annoying but suck it up to keep the peace and move out next year , I expect they have come to rely on this extra money a bit .

Why on earth did you agree to doesn't without payment?

This 👆 Sadly, your sister is taking advantage of you. They have a very good deal with you, at your expense.

Your bil sounds a bit of a cf recommending you to do a favour for his family for two months!! Was that so he didn’t get stuck with it?

If they knew that they should have sorted and paid for that up front before they went! They are cf like their son by the sound of it!

So your sisters husband offered you up for ‘free’ house and pet sitting, you’re expected to do that, pay vets bills AND still pay for the room at theirs? Nah. No way. Tell them you either move back in and his parents can make an alternative arrangement or you don’t move back in and they can accept the £50 a week until you move back in. They have made out they are doing you the favour when it’s clear they need your money and help. No way. Cheeky fuckers of the highest order. They want their cake and everyone else’s to eat. The deal to pay them for their spare room is broken by them taking the piss. I love how they aren’t concerned about any of that but they are as soon as they don’t have your money. So cheeky.

I think you are being very unfairly treated.

Never tell anyone what you earn. It always rebounds on you and often causes envy.

£50 a week is plenty for when you are absent from the house.

Definitely move out. Insist your sister’s pil reimburse you for the dog related expenses. Did they not pay the vet in advance for scheduled jabs? Did they leave enough food for 2 months? Massive piss takers. Can’t you move out sooner, your sister could look after her pil’s dog! I’m angry for you, but you were silly to agree to the house sitting situation.

It’s only money. Not mine I know but obviously your sister needs the money. If you can afford it, pay it. Surely you want your sister to not have to struggle any more than necessary. Save your money and move when you find the ideal location.

It’s not only money! Op is being asked to move her hours at work to do (unpaid) childcare etc

No one needs free takeaways and Uber taxis when they have a car. Sis and bio are taking the piss.

Just my opinion, but if they can afford to go on holiday for 2 weeks in January, then their more financially better off then most young families today. I think it's unreasonable for them to ask you to pay if your not there! Start to learn to say NO or people will take your kindness for granted all your life.

You sound a very nice person and even better aunty and sister. Better than your own sister who is grabby and a cheeky F*.

good luck move out move on and stop letting your sister abuse you. She is being controlling and manipulative. I am not sure why you even want to rebuild your relationship when it is so one sided.

Not everybody has the same personality as you, love. Reel it in because your judgemental attitude stinks.

Considering her friend is going to be staying in the room you would be paying for, I wouldn't give her any money at all. Especially when she does not have any extra costs for you living there, as you're not even there. I would NEVER expect my siblings to pay for board, when they're not even there!!

They're doing you a favour in putting you up and if you earn more than them both combined I can understand why they'd resent paying all the bills and you living for free. If you agreed to pay them £100 a month for a year then they've probably budgeted for that and it's not fair to change this because you've decided to go and do something else. Your issues with your BIL and housesitting is for you to sort out and y
not your sister's problem.

Wait is the BIL your sisters husband who you are staying with?

OP if you do continue staying there you need to ask what they would be happy for you to pay then decide if you want to stay and then you don't need to do all the favours and gifts because you'll be paying them a fair rent

If you can find somewhere else then do

Well, you certainly have plenty of “personality”, don’t you? Although that’s not quite the word I’d use…

There’s nothing judgemental about telling someone they need to speak up for themselves. OP came here for advice - that’s mine. If she just wants to hear, “Awwh, your sister is a big old meanie 😢” with no practical suggestions, there are plenty of people on the thread who have trotted that out.

It’s £100 a week, not a month,

And yes, OP has been volunteered by her BIL, who she is living with, to help his parents