Dealing with teachers who are (imho) bullying children

[derivativation]

DC is year 8. The school was mostly amazing last year but unfortunately we have had a head change head and several new teachers, with several really good teachers leaving.

Several of the new teachers get too critical with the children, saying they are not very clever, that they have no thoughts, their mind is a void, boys are not as good as girls etc. DC is well behaved and so not affected until last week. DC has however stood up for one of the children who was being called stupid by making a light hearted comment. DC was really upset that children were being called stupid and we had decided to try to move school by that point, though it will take a bit of time to organise because of practicalities. But now it has got worse. Last week and today two teachers in classes where DC has done well and the teacher has sung DC's praises (DC does all required homework, does not disrupt classes, puts hand up to speak) talked to DC as though DC had done something very bad and that he deserved to be treated really badly. DC very upset. I strongly suspect that the teachers are intentionally trying to take DC down a peg or two because someone has said they are too much of a smarty pants. DC is quiet and can come across as quietly confident, but DC is not confident at all deep down.

The new head is a chocolate teapot who has brought in a series of changes to rules which appear to be designed to humilate and shame children.

Any brilliant ways of dealing with this while DC has to attend? If I try to talk to the teachers they will think that I am trying to tell them what to do and it will make things worse for DC. If I tell them that DC is in fact not confident and is in some ways quite vulnerable, they will pick on him. I am not joking unfortunately.

I wish I could home school but to set that up would take just as long as finding a better school.

What exactly did the teachers say to DC that upset him?

I'm sure there will be a mix of experiences on here.

My thoughts are that this sort of thing has always gone on. But this may be a reflection of the times now; all the SEN kids ( mine included) sent to mainstream with no to zero support. Teachers are overwhelmed, disillusioned more than ever. Extra demands with less Gov. resources. Can't expel kids as where will they now go? We have nowhere left for the ' difficult' ones. I doubt many love the experience of teaching now. Ridiculous uniform rules seem to be common place. Is this in attempt to control them through mass conformity because there's a fear they'll get out of control and you can't expel them. I honestly don't know why that part is happening.

Very much like my experience of being in hospital multiple times, this is the reality of how it can be. We have an idea in our mind of how it should be and it just isn't like that - in reality.

Maybe your DC happens to be really attune to it. I recall in my day, various teachers, being human, would say and do all sorts that was pretty awful. We'd just talk about it amongst ourselves mainly rather than talk with parents. And because it was better than getting caned or things thrown at you, my generations parents wouldn't think it that bad. ( I'm late 40s).

Telling someone that their behaviour was stupid or that they made a stupid comment is fair. Your dc does not get to be the judge of what is a lighthearted comment. In class the teacher is in charge of what is OK or not.

Your dc generally does well and the teachers praise him. This time he did something not so good and was told off. You and he dislike this. You need to teach your dc that sometimes he will get things wrong and sometimes he will be called out on his behaviour. He needs to cope with this.

How do you know this ?

Sounds like you're taking a lot of second hand info as fact

You don't know what was said or how. Raise it if you like, but be prepared for this all to be something and nothing.

Kids DO act and speak in stupid ways sometimes, and can get in the habit of playing dumb if they think it makes life easier.

Teachers in the main go in to teaching to help children learn and part of that is managing their behaviour and how it affects others and their learning. It's very unlikely to be bullying which is repeated and intentionally to harm someone!

I would deal with absolutely by the book, bearing in mind that it may be very difficult to arrive at an agreed version of events without there being supporting evidence.

Is you DC prepared to write down an account of what happened? Are other pupils prepared to corroborate this? Will the teacher themselves confirm what happened?

For example, I once complained about a teacher's unacceptable behaviour in a class. This wasn't usual for me - I think kids need to be resilient. Anyway, when challenged, the teacher confirmed it; he then recognised he'd been out of order, apologised, and committed to not doing it again. I thanked the Head, and we all carried on living and learning. The end.

Is this a U.K. state school? As a teacher I would have expected to find myself on support instantly, if not out of the door, if I had told a child that they weren't very clever or that boys were better than girls (mind is a void sounds ok).

There are many excellent teachers, there are many overworked teachers, there are also some people drawn to teaching who absolutely have no place working with children. They are cruel, bullies, and have no idea how to inspire a class without resorting to fear.

The quality of a school is often determined by the effectiveness of the headteacher. It sounds like your child's school has taken a recent negative turn. It may get better, but should your child have to suffer for however long that takes?

I would ask them to write down a timeline of events. What teachers say what to children that seem inappropriate/ off colour? Who is overly harsh in setting punishments?

If you have other parents you know who have similar concerns, it is worth speaking to each other.

If you need to complain, do so to the head and Governors at the same time. But do not expect meaningful change quickly.

I would look at arranging an in year transfer - but continue to collate issues as it may help you arranging one with the local authority.

The uniform thing is about safety. In the area I work, pupils from other schools frequently truant and try to come into our school, and some of our pupils do the same - going into their friends’ schools and actually attempting to attend class (with the intention of causing disruption). Some are young people who have left school and are at college etc. Uniform helps to identify at a glance if someone is an “intruder”. Also, some schools in my area are in a shared campus with 2 or 3 schools utilising the same facilities. Uniform just helps staff to know who is who and that pupils are in areas they are allowed on the shared campus, rather than wandering through to another school without permission, usually to cause trouble or trying to bring friends in from outside then claiming they are from another school on campus.

You say that you had already decided to move schools at this point because dc was upset by the way the teachers were talking to other children. Have you at any point had a conversation with any of the teachers or the head to hear their side of things? Or to make it known to them that they are upsetting your dc? What did they say? It seems quite an extreme reaction to decide to move if you haven't done any of the above yet.

DC has however stood up for one of the children who was being called stupid by making a light hearted comment

What did your son say to the teacher?

talked to DC as though DC had done something very bad and that he deserved to be treated really badly.

What did the two teachers say to your son?

It is very difficult to comment without knowing these things.

Several of the new teachers get too critical with the children, saying they are not very clever, that they have no thoughts, their mind is a void, boys are not as good as girls etc.

If those specific claims are true, then I would email the head to convey this information.

Having ‘no thoughts’ or ‘mind is a void’ could very easily be humour misconstrued though! ‘Come on Year 8, have you all got no thoughts today?! Is your mind just a void?!’

I think you need to check your facts before doing anything rather than just rely purely in what your child says

@Corrrrrblimey Ahh, that makes sense. It's good to know that. Thankyou. I know so many kids find it ridiculously strict ( we have for example no white socks or you'll face detention, blazer at all times on top of jumper).

What has the teacher said when you asked them about the comments? Surely you haven’t just listened to your son’s version of events.

We removed ds.. There really was no alternative..

I work in education, I love my job, I spend my days only with other professionals who love their jobs and it's been that way for decades. We are absolute pros in working hard, supporting children, progressing them, protecting them.

All I get from the OP is that their child can do no wrong even when not in front of their parent's eyes to prove it, and if anyone else in loco parentis is not actively praising them and accommodating their personal preferences, then that person is a bully. Also, there is zero fact base for any of this, but an overriding concern to depict the attitudes of all school staff in a combative and unwarranted way.

I struggle to see what this parent wants apart from maligning the school at the expense of parenting their own child into the sort of mindfulness or self affirmation they can practice when they don't like a tone of voice or whatever else which is actually as innocent as classroom wallpaper.

Stop complaining about schools and parent your child into greater resilience.

'DC has however stood up for one of the children who was being called stupid by making a light hearted comment. DC was really upset that children were being called stupid'

Did they say 'you are stupid' or 'you are being stupid'? Huge difference!

Ask for a meeting with the teachers in question.

The teachers have got better things to do than listen to this silly bollocks

Not subject of thread, but I initially went to a secondary school (many years ago...) whcih had a ridiulously strict uniform policy, and moved after two terms to a much better and nicer school without a strict uniform policy. I think sometimes it is just a ridiculously strict policy. Re security, I understand the importance of having the right colour jumper, the right colour shirt. Having exactly the right number of mm between creases is not so necessary?!

That the child was stupid. Yes, there is a difference!

A few questions …

was the teacher saying the children were stupid or that the children’s behaviour was stupid? There is a big different.

what light hearted comment did DC say?

what humiliating changes and rules has the head bought in?

Who has told you all this?

And you are calling a headteacher 'a chocolate teapot'??

Its about discipline and preparing children for their future
Theres a whole other thread on it if you are interested and in fact OP you are providing an excellent example of whay teachers say they can't teach any more.