Dealing with teachers who are (imho) bullying children

[derivativation]

DC is year 8. The school was mostly amazing last year but unfortunately we have had a head change head and several new teachers, with several really good teachers leaving.

Several of the new teachers get too critical with the children, saying they are not very clever, that they have no thoughts, their mind is a void, boys are not as good as girls etc. DC is well behaved and so not affected until last week. DC has however stood up for one of the children who was being called stupid by making a light hearted comment. DC was really upset that children were being called stupid and we had decided to try to move school by that point, though it will take a bit of time to organise because of practicalities. But now it has got worse. Last week and today two teachers in classes where DC has done well and the teacher has sung DC's praises (DC does all required homework, does not disrupt classes, puts hand up to speak) talked to DC as though DC had done something very bad and that he deserved to be treated really badly. DC very upset. I strongly suspect that the teachers are intentionally trying to take DC down a peg or two because someone has said they are too much of a smarty pants. DC is quiet and can come across as quietly confident, but DC is not confident at all deep down.

The new head is a chocolate teapot who has brought in a series of changes to rules which appear to be designed to humilate and shame children.

Any brilliant ways of dealing with this while DC has to attend? If I try to talk to the teachers they will think that I am trying to tell them what to do and it will make things worse for DC. If I tell them that DC is in fact not confident and is in some ways quite vulnerable, they will pick on him. I am not joking unfortunately.

I wish I could home school but to set that up would take just as long as finding a better school.

DC has however stood up for one of the children who was being called stupid by making a light hearted comment.

Hmm. I wonder what the teacher's version of this is. I bet it wouldn't be. "I was calling the children stupid and Deriv's ds stood up for one of them by making a lighthearted comment."

Mr Mucker, I hope that you do not teach comprehension.

Gah! This many of these responses make me really uncomfortable. There is another thread about what’s driving bad behaviour in school with an emerging theme of bad parenting and parents believing their children; there is also lots of defence around having lots of strict rules maintain control.

It doesn’t seem to occur to anyone that if you have teachers wound tight like a spring in these circumstances that they are more likely to make errors of judgement with an individual child and that, for some individuals, power can go to your head.

For what it’s worth you don’t come across as a fishwife to me. You know your child and you know whether you trust the school. I’d raise with the head and explain what you’ve been told so it can be properly explored but I would also look at your options for school transfer. I don’t think these environments being described would be acceptable in most workplaces so I dont think they prepare you for anything and I know I’d have found that extremely oppressive.

DC wasn't disciplined at the time, or told off and the teacher agreed with the observation DC made. But I am also worried that the teacher hadn't liked it, and you are right, the teacher almost certainly didn't interpret it as you say.

You don't need references to move school, unless these are private schools.

Maybe this should be it's own thread and it might just be that I am older, but I do feel like some professions are getting more senior positions at younger ages. I don't know if it is because of the shortage in these areas either. Specifically I'm talking about teaching and nursing.

It might be due to a need for culture change within these professions. I can see a place for that. Attitudes to certain things have changed.

But I can't remember any of the most senior teachers in my primary school being in their 20s. There were some in their 30s who I'd say were well established and trusted by all but they were "just" class teachers. Or they might be something like "head of PE/music" or "Year 6 co-ordinator". But most of their job was just teaching their class like any other teacher. The Deputy and the Head didn't have classes. We had about 500 kids if I remember correctly. Every year had 2 or 3 classes of 30ish.

State schools don’t give pupil references.

What did he actually SAY?

Indeed, but the new head usually phones up the old head and asks what to expect.

"Yes, you are right about that"

Lots of teachers in their 40s/50s have been bullied out on capability because they were too expensive!

Cash-strapped schools don’t want threshold teachers when they could have two cheap new ones instead.

This means that very inexperienced teachers end up in leadership roles.

Is this a state school in the UK?
It's all very strange.

I would love to hear the school's version of events.

Makes sense

Hi Op,
I have worked in schools with some brilliant teachers and crazy batshit ones too who the system protected. I would say focus on getting your child out of that toxic environment and complain to the head so there is some form of paper trail in the system. If this thread was about your manager calling another colleague “stupid” and you standing up for them, the responses will be different. For some reason, some people think teachers are holy and children should learn to be “resilient” when treated liked shit.

This rarely happens in my experience unless there is a SEND history. School records are transferred over and that’s that.

Not a ‘reference’ as such, but DH is a headteacher and he always receives a report from a DC’s previous school. This is usually verbal to avoid DSAR issues.

Good grief. I didn't ask if anyone agreed with my analysis of bullying. I think it is bullying, but I wasn't asking if I was right. I asked if anyone had advice, taking the situation at face value. If I said "my partner is having an affair" I wouldn't expect 100 questions about whether he was really having an affair and whether I had the right to make a judgement call and how dare I suggest that anyone has an affair without proof and am I aware of what a serious allegation it is to suggest someone is having an affair.

My experience is different then…

Also, the new school would not need a reference for your son. My friends child moved schools- the parent and school didn’t have a great relationship. The child’s move was quite quick. The parent was worried that the school will provide a negative reference but there is no such thing in place for state schools.

Thank you.

My current plan is to raise it all in a diplomatic way framed around how DC feels not accusations, eg "DC might have got this wrong, but x happened, and then DC felt x" so there is a paper trail but not ruffling feathers if at all possible for the time being.

I am currently dealing with the same thing myself but primary school. When I read all the comments on here blaming the kids it's horrible. my dc yr6 never in trouble until this teacher took a dislike after my dd was assaulted in her own classroom by ex pupil who happened to be the same teachers favourite pupil and I reported it to head. I've had her rolling her eyes, flapping her hands, shouting at me and blatant lies told to me but still she's been a teacher for nearly 30 years. My dd no longer attends, due to this so called lovely teacher putting so much stress on dd where it resulted in school refusal and burnout.

Teachers are only human and capable of toxic narcissistic behaviour just like anyone except there in a position of trust. There are certain teachers should not be teaching and the children are not always at fault.

As parents we advocate for our children
Good luck OP. 👍

I don’t know why people are struggling to understand Op.
No advice but for those struggling, it is obvious OP is concerned the teacher who said the poorly judged comment has gossiped to his colleagues about how The OP child called them out in class. The other teachers also don’t have the full story and are now acting like the DC did something wrong.

it is hard to come back from general ill feeling of a teacher has been embarrassed

Honestly, there’s some amazing teachers, and some are awful and on a power trip. You teach your dc the skills to navigate different personalities in life. It’s a very important lesson. You often hear excellent/talented individuals who were told they’d amount to nothing go on to do amazing things - Willy Russell who wrote blood brothers is a great example.

i was in a friendship trio and we fell out with one girl. Two of us stuck together as the other had been shit stirring. She cried to the head of year and Mrs Ling told me and friend (in year 9) that we were evil and like the IRA and the bombers in Israel (1990s). I still think, wtf was she thinking?! I’m honestly not evil, I’m nice 😂

I'm a very experienced teacher.

Looking at your comments, there is a lot in here that I would question.

You are reporting what your child has come home and said, which is paraphrased and taken out of context. As others have said, you weren't there, and this is relevant, as while I am not suggesting your child is lying, you don't have the full picture to make an accurate judgement of what is really going on here.

I can imagine many of these comments being made by teachers on a daily basis, said in jest or as part of a wider conversation, the full details of which your child has not reported to you. I regularly comment on how one half of my classroom is quietly getting on with their work and the other is causing chaos and nowhere near finished, and invite the students to observe that the side working hard is female and the side not doing anything is male. I regularly tell children that an unsafe thing they are doing is not a very clever thing to do. On a Monday morning or Friday afternoon I might comment that it seems our minds are all voids because no one seems to have any thoughts to share. All utterly normal and innocuous.

I have also told a child on more than one occasion that something they were doing or saying was stupid in the context of them being dangerous or unkind.

I am wondering if your child is neurodiverse? Lots of recent changes at school and new teachers can be very unsettling, and if they are dealing with new teachers with a communication style they're not used to, is it perhaps more likely that your child is misunderstanding and misinterpreting what is happening, rather than that the school has suddenly been taken over by an army of bullying teachers?

Has your child got a form tutor you can email in the first instance, before jumping to moving schools? Having a chat with them would be a good first port of call, as they are responsible for your child's pastoral life at school and will be able to do a bit of investigating for you and find out what might be going on behind the scenes.