Dealing with teachers who are (imho) bullying children

[derivativation]

DC is year 8. The school was mostly amazing last year but unfortunately we have had a head change head and several new teachers, with several really good teachers leaving.

Several of the new teachers get too critical with the children, saying they are not very clever, that they have no thoughts, their mind is a void, boys are not as good as girls etc. DC is well behaved and so not affected until last week. DC has however stood up for one of the children who was being called stupid by making a light hearted comment. DC was really upset that children were being called stupid and we had decided to try to move school by that point, though it will take a bit of time to organise because of practicalities. But now it has got worse. Last week and today two teachers in classes where DC has done well and the teacher has sung DC's praises (DC does all required homework, does not disrupt classes, puts hand up to speak) talked to DC as though DC had done something very bad and that he deserved to be treated really badly. DC very upset. I strongly suspect that the teachers are intentionally trying to take DC down a peg or two because someone has said they are too much of a smarty pants. DC is quiet and can come across as quietly confident, but DC is not confident at all deep down.

The new head is a chocolate teapot who has brought in a series of changes to rules which appear to be designed to humilate and shame children.

Any brilliant ways of dealing with this while DC has to attend? If I try to talk to the teachers they will think that I am trying to tell them what to do and it will make things worse for DC. If I tell them that DC is in fact not confident and is in some ways quite vulnerable, they will pick on him. I am not joking unfortunately.

I wish I could home school but to set that up would take just as long as finding a better school.

It would seem unusual, but then again bad leadership can poison the culture of an organization surprisingly quickly.

I also don’t think they had to be colluding in any conscious way. I’ve been at schools where certain “problem children” were discussed frequently, and it probably did lead us to look in their direction first whenever something went sideways in the classroom.

True, there are some people who go to extremes in the other direction. But there are also a number of teachers on here who seem to believe schools/teachers are infallible. I didn’t pick my examples at random; I have seen all of those arguments made multiple times. And that ‘bullying builds resilience’ idiocy has already shown up on this very thread. It was once a common belief in society at large, until well-publicized suicides, school shootings in the US, etc made it untenable. It’s hard to imagine anyone but an actual bully espousing it today.

Sorry but WTF do you mean when you say the head is a "chocolate teapot"?! I've never heard of this phrase before and I'm a teacher!

Clothing expectations, yes, but are you told to go home if you have a certain pair of socks on? Or told you can't take a jacket off when you're hot? Are you really telling me in this day and age that if you were desperate for the toilet you would be prevented from going AT WORK?

I can't walk out of the classroom to wee.

The other examples you wouldn't get sent home from school for. Have you been reading the daily mail sad face stories. They're made up and the school can't share their version of the story.

Are you really telling me in this day and age that if you were desperate for the toilet you would be prevented from going AT WORK?

I would suggest that you talk to any cashier in any supermarket. There are others but that would be a good place to start.

As for clothing, if you didn't wear the correct clothing on a building site, warehouse, boiler houses, hospitals and some factories (there are more) you could not only be asked to leave site but could be removed from your job.

I’m assuming it’s a way of calling the new head useless. As a chocolate teapot would be!

I can well believe that some teachers do take issue with some kids. My DD didn’t get on with her year 6 teacher whatsoever. My DD has suspected ASD and likes to blend in to the background/mask, her teacher never picked up on this really and used to single her out in front of the whole class. She still hasn’t forgotten about it and she’s 15! 🫣

before going in all guns blazing ask for a meeting to discuss the context and what actually happened.

I come from a family of teachers, and every one of them would tell you that there are good ones and bad ones. And even the good ones make mistakes. I was good as gold at school and experienced a few nasty ones myself.

I would ask to speak to the head. You probably won't get anywhere fast, but worth at least attempting to sort this out. Meanwhile, tell your DC to keep his head down and reassure him that if things don't improve, he will be moving.

Do.you think the same when children report sexual abuse?

I would like to think we’re trying to prepare students for better futures than as low-paid, disrespected workers with no rights. Otherwise, frankly, we could probably afford to shave a few years off compulsory education.

The only reason that we are treated like that is because we are low paid. Do you think my managers ever have to wait to pee? Absolutely never. The fact we have to stay on the tills and hold ourselves isnt anything to aspire to. It's part of the inhumane treatment we receive as low paid workers.

Unfortunately, training students not to stand up for their rights, and to bow to any authority no matter how abusive, is seen by some people as a primary purpose of education. You might as well call it “obedience school.”

Yes absolutely. What I see here is that low paid adults are seen as the same as children: inferior humans who can be controlled and deprived of human rights when thought necessary. That's why people think it's okay that I have to wait to pee for hours at work until my manager decides that they can alleviate some people for breaks too, or that a child has to ask permission and sometimes be refused said permission to urinate, too.

Plenty of higher paid positions have clothing expectations and toilet restrictions.

On
MN there are two camps

The not in my day school camp Teachers are god

And the sen kids and others unsupported by school and govt camp

I'm in the latter. Ignore those that are criticising you op. Those that have experienced this have walked in these shoes. The rest have no valid comment to make.

On the toilet issue - I am not allowed to go to the toilet during lessons.
With uniform - you won’t get a detention at my school for s uniform infringement but you will if you start back chatting and arguing when a teacher tries to enforce the dress code.

My advice - contact the head. Raise your concerns and if you don’t like their response/clarification/explanation etc find a different school for your dc.
FWIW I do think some teachers are not very nice but as pp said getting three of them to collude together seems very unlikely.

Honestly OP, I don’t know why you haven’t just contacted the school. Lay out what it is you’ve been made aware of and tell them what you are concerned about. It may be that there is an issue…there are some poor teachers out there. What I would say is be calm and neutral. An old friend of mine used to always take her DD’s side, I recall an absolutely horrific email she wrote without discussion and it turned out that the situation had been totally misunderstood and she quite frankly looked aggressive. You’ll come out on higher ground if you try to work with them, although realistically if you’re calling the head a chocolate teapot, it could be time to move schools.

I would not describe interrupting a teacher talking to another student as good behaviour and I would be discussing with my child appropriate ways of interacting with authority figures. You don’t argue with the referee.

If you think your son's comments are totally true, you follow procedure. You have meeting with Head and governors' letter after if necessary. I don't understand why you are looking for strategies for resilience if you think the allegations are true, as pupil bullying by a teacher would be a very serious issue that could lose a teacher their job. So either you totally believe your child's comments and think those bullying teachers should be forced to leave the profession or you don't. There is no middle ground with something as serious as actual bullying, to use your exact words (repeated and deliberate victimisation). I would stand by your beliefs or reconsider your wording.

I’m going to hazard a guess that your normally very well mannered child said something rude in their ‘sticking up for another child’ and so the teacher acted accordingly and punished your child for backchat. It was not your child’s place to say anything to the teacher at the time. If they really had a problem with what was said to another child, they should go and seek out another teacher and explain their concerns.

I think insisting daft rules are required to prepare for adult life is an odd hill to be dying on - is there a shred of evidence that supports this? No. If teachers are doubling down on something not based on fact then I can well believe they are petty enough to pick on children for the tiniest amount of implied dissent.

It’s really not true that draconian uniform enforcement prepares you for work or being denied access to a toilet whenever you need it is a feature in high paying professions. Even if this were true who on earth thinks the only way to address this is to train children like pavlovs dogs?

Well if it isn’t the most asinine, creepily authoritarian thing anyone’s written all day. This kind of “never say no, never argue with an adult” attitude is what allowed abuse to flourish for so many years in schools, churches, Boy Scouts, and any number of formerly revered institutions.

But on the bright side, at least no one “argued with the referee.” That would have been tragic.

This thread confirms my own experience that many some teachers hate children.

I’m going to hazard a guess that you’re one of these teachers who is always frustrated and mystified that parents and kids don’t ‘respect’ you.

And indeed this is a legitimate problem many good teachers face. But you might want to consider whether your default assumption that all children are liars and their parents are gullible fools might be a contributing factor in your particular case. Even as an authority figure, you generally have to give at least some respect before you get respect.

Recently a school in Merseyside was subject to an undercover panorama investigation and the cruelty those children endured from the staff was genuinely horrifying. I've met some phenomenal teachers, met some who've had no business being around children.
We hear of people going into teaching to groom children due to predatory nature, so the idea a person with a desire to bully children doesn't shock me.
That said its rare.

I've had occasions where I've been treated badly from teachers and as an adult reflecting realise how inappropriate it was but never thought to question it as a child, I'm glad your DC has a sense of right and wrong and what's just and isn't.

I think some children are naturally more aware of how people speak to others and he obviously feels strongly that the words used aren't acceptable.
"You're stupid" vs "you're being stupid" are completely different if the child is doing something silly. As long as your DC is able to articulate the two I'd be discussing this with the school.
No child deserves to be called stupid.