to think it isn't 'attention-seeking' not to drink tea or coffee?

[ruethewhirl]

I've just had this ridiculous accusation levelled at me by an acquaintance (note I didn't say friend). 'But isn't it all just a bit attention-seeking really?' 😬

No. I just don't drink them because I don't like them. Never have. Where's the attention-seeking in that?! I don't even mention it unless it becomes directly relevant i.e. someone offers me a tea or coffee. OK, if I went on about it, or suggested others should follow suit, or got funny when people can't offer me anything to drink/expected hosts to get alternative drinks in for me (not that I've ever been to hers, so maybe she's making assumptions based on other people she's known)... but I don't. I have noticed people sometimes get a bit stressed about this if I'm at their house and they haven't anything else to offer me, but I'm genuinely fine with a glass of water, or a hot chocolate if they have it in, but I'd never expect them to get it specially.

She followed it up with 'Yes, but it's nice to be able to offer your guests a hot drink, isn't it' so maybe she's assuming I don't do that myself when hosting - she's never been to my place - but of course I do! Just because I don't drink something myself doesn't mean I'm not going to make it for other people.

I dunno, I'm not super worked up about it, more curious and mildly irked. It's not the first time people have criticised me for not drinking tea or coffee (I was once called 'childish' over it), and it really baffles me why they would even care. AIBU to think this is just odd and narrow-minded?? 🤔

What a weird and rude thing for your friend to say! Why not just offer you a soft drink instead or some water, and not make it into a Thing? I have a friend who also doesn't like tea or coffee so I make sure I have hot chocolate to offer her.

I know a few people who don't drink either tea or coffee, but apart from maybe wondering what their preferred drink is in case they visited me, it wouldn't occur to me to even express surprise, let alone accuse anyone of attention seeking!
YANBU, she sounds like a peculiar person

It's meant to be easier to chat with a hot cup of something in your hand but no it's not attention seeking. I don't drink alcohol and I bet some people think that's attention seeking when I say I don't drink but how else am I supposed to communicate it?

I don't drink either of them and I don't offer to make them either as I'm rubbish at it! Your acquaintance would hate me 😂. I find water perfectly grown up though.

I think it depends how much of a song and dance you do about it. Is it "would you like a cup of tea or coffee? No thank you" - perfectly acceptable or is it "Would you like a cup of tea or coffee. No, I don't drink tea or coffee" - a bit of a weird oversharing.
Personally, I do find it a little strange but not enough to worry about it or comment. I grew up in a house where tea was something served to the whole family after dinner so this is my normal. I find it equally weird if people eat dinner in their rooms.
I don't think it's attention-seeking but I also wouldn't' expect you to over-explain as it would, inevitably, invite questions.

I don't understand why it bothers people. Maybe they meant that they feel they can't host properly if they couldn't provide you with a hot cup of something, rather than something YOU aren't providing when you host iyswim?
Either way, there are so many people who don't drink tea, coffee, caffeine, dairy milk etc, you are hardly unusual.

I think if your host is offering something it’s polite to accept? Unless we have allergies or whatever. Tea etc is a cultural thing?

I was called childish once because I don't have butter on bread.
I don't like it..it makes me feel sick. What's childish about not wanting to end up gagging over a sandwich

I have one DC that doesn't like tea or coffee and the other who doesn't like butter on bread. I've clearly set them up to be attention seeking 🙄

I have to say I don't drink tea or coffee because otherwise it becomes a Mrs Doyle skit of ah you will you will (I'm Irish so this is definitely A Thing)

I also don't drink hot chocolate or anything hot at all so I usually just ask for a glass of water which makes everyone nice and uncomfortable!

I don’t think I know anyone who doesn’t drink tea or coffee - or at least, if they don’t, they’ve never felt the need to explain to me that they don’t drink tea or coffee.

The conversations have probably been more along the lines of…

”Can I get you a tea or coffee?”
”No I’m alright thanks”

”Can I get you a tea or coffee?”
”Just a water would be good thanks”

”Would you like a hot drink?”
”A hot chocolate would be good but if you don’t have any a glass of water will do thanks”

I wonder if the fact you say this has happened with people criticising you several times means you are over explaining in a way which comes across a bit like making a song and dance about it.

Unless all these people asking you are like Mrs Doyle.

Haha X post with the Mrs Doyle comment

I don't drink coffee, and only tea when I am feeling cold/am sick. Haven't received any weird/stupid comments about it though. People just offer me water or juice. Or I say I don't need anything.

Hmm. I do see it can be awkward for hosts, but I don't accept that if a person politely refuses something offered by a host then they're being impolite. Good hosts want their guests to feel comfortable, not choke something down that they hate just to be polite.

Besides which, if I had to drink a cup of tea there's a chance I would be sick and I would definitely gag, which would be much ruder. (Though of course I don't go around saying this to people. That would be attention-seeking. 😄)

I don’t drink milk, or any milk substitute so no hot drinks really at all, I don’t like them black, sometimes a peppermint tea but generally just water, squash or Diet Coke. My mil has one for me when I visit which is kind. I think some people just think it’s being difficult but not my fault I just can’t drink dairy and I’d prefer a cold drink . Some just need to host and give you something, it’s odd

Definitely not attention seeking!

I personally can't imagine not liking either tea or coffee or really any hot drink, although I do know someone with this aversion.

But finding someone else's preference somewhat different (for want of a better word) doesn't mean it's attention seeking.

What a bizarre thing to accuse you of!

These are the exact right answers.

My son is the same doesn’t drink tea or coffee just orange squash lol and he is late 20s. He also shock horror doesn’t touch alcohol either, I’ve had people think that it’s weird!

I don't like tea or coffee and I DO get the Mrs Doyle interrogation. One person even said "why not?" when I said "no thanks" as if it were his tea/coffee that I really didn't want. People find it very weird for some reason. They also try to push fruit teas on to me which I don't like either.
I love offal - hearts, kidneys, liver - but I'd never force it on people! I just ask for water, or occasionally ask if they have squash. I also don't like beer, cola, brown spirits or red wine - I'm just a very fussy drinker!

I don't drink alcohol , if I'm out with friends and don't have it , am I attention seeking ?
Your acquaintance is weird.

I don’t drink tea or coffee. If someone asks I’ll say oh water/squash/hot choc etc is fine if they then offer that. or just say I’ll have a water thanks.

The only reason I then may follow it up with saying I don’t drink it, is because often people will say oh I’ve got a machine/xyz flavours/what about such and such flavour so it’s easier to just say I just don’t like either. Plus otherwise they’d be asking every time I went to their house!

A bit like if I offered someone a ham sandwich and they said no thanks. I might then say oh what about a chicken or tuna one? Easier if they just said actually I’m a vegetarian.

Anyway. That woman sounds off her trolley.

I have to say I do have a friend who performatively doesn't drink tea or coffee, but she is also a bit performative about food generally-the original "almond mum"! But I also know lots of people who aren't at all like that -they just don't like it. I have a bit of a similar problem with chocolate- I just don't like it very much and people find it very hard to believe....

I think it's rude to expect a guest to eat/drink something they don't like tbh

I think another PP or two have asked this but how did they know you don’t like tea or coffee?

if they asked if you’d like either to drink and you said ‘no thank you’ then I’m confused how they would even know? unless of course you said ‘no thank you I don’t actually like tea or coffee’ then meh, feels a bit like you’re inviting conversation or opinion on it as it’s not relevant really.

I don't drink them either as I hate the taste! I'll have a hot chocolate a couple of times a year, but tend to stick to cold drinks. It's nothing to do with attention seeking (in fact I'd go so far as avoiding being in a situation where someone offers it as I hate the attention of saying no thank you and having to explain why).

If going to a friends house I would usually take a bottle of my preferred pop with me and offer it for both of us - but I don't really go round to friends houses these days as there's just never enough time!