to think it isn't 'attention-seeking' not to drink tea or coffee?

[ruethewhirl]

I've just had this ridiculous accusation levelled at me by an acquaintance (note I didn't say friend). 'But isn't it all just a bit attention-seeking really?' 😬

No. I just don't drink them because I don't like them. Never have. Where's the attention-seeking in that?! I don't even mention it unless it becomes directly relevant i.e. someone offers me a tea or coffee. OK, if I went on about it, or suggested others should follow suit, or got funny when people can't offer me anything to drink/expected hosts to get alternative drinks in for me (not that I've ever been to hers, so maybe she's making assumptions based on other people she's known)... but I don't. I have noticed people sometimes get a bit stressed about this if I'm at their house and they haven't anything else to offer me, but I'm genuinely fine with a glass of water, or a hot chocolate if they have it in, but I'd never expect them to get it specially.

She followed it up with 'Yes, but it's nice to be able to offer your guests a hot drink, isn't it' so maybe she's assuming I don't do that myself when hosting - she's never been to my place - but of course I do! Just because I don't drink something myself doesn't mean I'm not going to make it for other people.

I dunno, I'm not super worked up about it, more curious and mildly irked. It's not the first time people have criticised me for not drinking tea or coffee (I was once called 'childish' over it), and it really baffles me why they would even care. AIBU to think this is just odd and narrow-minded?? 🤔

Well I don't drink tea or coffee - never have or even tasted them and have never told this! If offered I just say no thank you I don't drink hot drinks, but I would love a glass of water or soft drink if that ok. Never occurred to me to be a problem and no one ever said anything!! She's a strange friend !

It's the caffeine addicts that are the weird ones thriving on attention if anyone is.

Coffee even has its own wanky language now, and people swanning around all over the place with Starbucks or giant Stanley cups filled with grandio flat frappicano with pumpkin spice or whatever in it.

Whatever happened to black/ white sugar/ no sugar?

No really I am sure that I don't like tea or coffee. No I'm not a freak. Yes, a glass of water is fine. Yes, tap water. From your tap. We're in the UK, it is drinkable.

Ok I could really blow your brains and ask if there's fruit tea. I'm not going to ask about hot chocolate because that's a bit of a minefield with the potential milk or artificial sweetner content and we don't want any awkward laxitive incidents from either of those. We're not going down the whole minefield of what you mean by the word "juice" and unless I know someone very well it's best to assume that all soft drinks contain artificial sweetners. Yes, even the Ribena. I know it doesn't say diet, but it really does contain sweetners.

Just trust me on the water. I know you have some hiding away in the pipes. It's fine. I know what I'm doing and don't need the Mrs Doyle routine. Take the first answer. Please. It really isn't a big issue.

But if you don't explain you don't drink them, they'll think you're just not thirsty when actually you might be quite happy with a water / juice / hot chocolate

DH gets this now and again - gets people pushing alcoholic drinks on him. He has been teetotal for about 7 years, and like you, he just leaves them on the table, only to be met by an angry face and a huge sigh, because they wasted their five pounds on the drink. He did say no you fuckwit! People do similar when you're on a diet too - give you cakes and biscuits, and tell you to not be a miserable git and just eat it!

My older DD's partner's nan continually makes her and her DP coffee and tea with 'proper' dairy milk in it, despite the two of them having been vegans since 2018. They visit her once or twice a month. 'Don't be silly just drink it!' she demands. When her back is turned/she goes into another room, they tip it down the sink.

So unbelievably rude though, and obnoxious and arrogant, to tell people they're silly or wrong, and ignore their wishes (and life choices.) I would never do this! Some people are just dickheads aren't they?

I panic and offer everything

Fruit tea? Herbal tea? Squash? Fizzy can of this or that? Plum chai latte?
I have a bird and blend subscription so I'm likely to be offering you birthday cake fruit tea or gunpowder or some random shit

As someone who doesn't drink tea or coffee, and also doesn't drink alcohol. I genuinely get stared at like I have 2 heads when drinks are brought up

nope, not if you dislike it.

"I don't drink tea or coffee..." lets me know to ask if they want a cold drink, or a different hot one. I don't think it's oversharing at all, either. I find it helpful.

Not really as you can just as easily say "Glass of water would be grand thanks"

When I was a student I had some friends round and offered coffee. One of them just said "I hate coffee". Now that is attention seeking IMO.

I think this is it, isn't it?

Thinking you can or should control what other people put in their own bodies is just weird, and rude. Not the polite refusal to ingest something you don't like.

She sounds completely insane. It’s perfectly normal and reasonable to have taste preferences.

oh the bloody sweeteners. Yes I have a problem with all of them (all of them upset my digestion in some way and some also give me headaches.....) No I can't tolerate stevia either...yes I know its plant based..... no making the squash really really weak doesn't help.... Like you @BogRollBOGOF I don't accept anything that is remotely likely to be already sweetened unless I can read the label first.

Some people ignore you even if you do point that out. They just don't grasp the concept that some people don't drink particular drinks at all or at certain times.

I've had younger workman - so under 30 - who don't drink tea and coffee. And older ones who only drink black tea and don't go near instant coffee. I only like certain drinks at certain times so if you offer me tea or coffee, and I don't know you I will refuse. The people who know me know why I refuse.

I have lots of teetotal family and friends plus family members who don't like drinking most types of alcohol. I have told the latter off for not saying they don't want an alcoholic drink if it's a drink they don't like.

Of course it is reasonable not to drink things you don't like. I feel your pain as I don't drink alcohol and people, multiple people, have spent years questioning that. Sometimes with people I don't know well I say I am an alcoholic and one drink will just be the start of a slippery slope which does stop them but generally I say I've tasted alcohol and don't like it and don't need it so why drink it?

Same here.

I usually just carry a water bottle and a herbal tea bag.

Oh yes I hate sweeteners. I don't need much sugar either but sweeteners are vile to me. DH uses them so I always have some in if people want them.

Well I don't like tea or coffee or butter on bread.

Yes, I'm an attention seeking mare!!

This whole thread is so weird - I’m in my 40s and don’t like tea or coffee, never have, and I’ve never found it to be a problem 🤷‍♀️

I’m not a tea or coffee drinker either, most people are fine with it but I’ve come across people who seem to find it a personal insult to them that I don’t drink the beverages that they like

I don't find hot drinks thirst quenching, but if I'm very cold I might consider a cup of tea. Everyone who knows me well knows I don't drink tea or coffee, if I was offered one at a hair salon for example I would just say no thanks
(I rarely drink water either)

Reply to OP:
Your friend is weird, why do they have a problem with that?

Reply to some other posters:
When you go to someone's house in the UK it's polite for them to offer you a drink, usually something hot.

It's fine not to want tea or coffee but if you just say 'No thanks' (as some posters are suggesting) they are left scrabbling around for something to offer you. If you keep declining they will feel awkward because the social more is that they should offer you a drink and are bad hosts if you don't have a drink in your hand.

But if you say 'You know what I would really like is a glass of water /squash if you have any' then you have done them the kindness of being able to offer you a drink and no longer feel awkward. Then you can sit down for your chat and they don't have to feel rude that they have a drink and you don't.

Even if you don't want a drink, its better just accept some water, and then 'forget' to drink it if you must.

How weird of this acquaintance. I don’t drink alcohol so if I’ve met up with friends and they’re having a glass of wine, I’m an attention seeker for not drinking it. I never realised 😁

She’s barmy.

I don't drink tea or coffee. I used to drink tea when I was a kid but couldn't drink it now. The smell of coffee makes me feel sick, let alone the taste. DH doesn't drink coffee either so we don't even have it in the house. I usually have a stash of peppermint teabags in my bag so ask for one of those if I'm offered a drink.

I rarely get asked but I just say I’m allergic and will get a bad reaction if someone was being weird about.