to think it isn't 'attention-seeking' not to drink tea or coffee?

[ruethewhirl]

I've just had this ridiculous accusation levelled at me by an acquaintance (note I didn't say friend). 'But isn't it all just a bit attention-seeking really?' 😬

No. I just don't drink them because I don't like them. Never have. Where's the attention-seeking in that?! I don't even mention it unless it becomes directly relevant i.e. someone offers me a tea or coffee. OK, if I went on about it, or suggested others should follow suit, or got funny when people can't offer me anything to drink/expected hosts to get alternative drinks in for me (not that I've ever been to hers, so maybe she's making assumptions based on other people she's known)... but I don't. I have noticed people sometimes get a bit stressed about this if I'm at their house and they haven't anything else to offer me, but I'm genuinely fine with a glass of water, or a hot chocolate if they have it in, but I'd never expect them to get it specially.

She followed it up with 'Yes, but it's nice to be able to offer your guests a hot drink, isn't it' so maybe she's assuming I don't do that myself when hosting - she's never been to my place - but of course I do! Just because I don't drink something myself doesn't mean I'm not going to make it for other people.

I dunno, I'm not super worked up about it, more curious and mildly irked. It's not the first time people have criticised me for not drinking tea or coffee (I was once called 'childish' over it), and it really baffles me why they would even care. AIBU to think this is just odd and narrow-minded?? 🤔

Me too!

I might order lemonade if I'm out but other than that I only drink water. Never liked tea or coffee, not fussed by hot chocolate so don't ever buy it, gave up alcohol, don't buy soft drinks for the house.

Don't set off the people who can't get their heads round the idea that vegetarians and vegans don't eat meat so (a) shouldn't be expected to eat it at other people's houses and (b) shouldn't be expected to cook it for others either. Why people can't just accept that we're all different in situations where it isn't a problem is an enduring mystery.

I get what you're saying, but were you starting from a point where it literally made you gag? Because, as dramatic as it might sound, that's always been the case for me. I don't know why.

Genuinely interested in the viewpoints coming off this, but I can't see how it's socially awkward not to drink what everyone else is drinking, personally.

I take a water bottle with me to a hobby group I go to where they know I don't do tea/coffee. The running joke is that I'm sorted because I've brought my vodka. (If only... 😄)

I don’t drink hot drinks either. I usually make a joke about drinking only gin or water! But find that it does feel awkward when people press me on why.
i am hopeless at making them too, and avoid it as far as possible which also makes me a weirdo 😄

I don't think it's attention seeking at all but I do think there are times when it's useful to be able to say yes to the offer of a cup of tea.

Why useful? Curious to know.

Definitely agree it would be useful. So much simpler. 😄

I'm sorry but that's a bit weird.

It's not 'socially awkward' to not like a certain drink!

but I can't see how it's socially awkward not to drink what everyone else is drinking, personally.

I can't either. It's just a culturally polite thing to do to offer a guest a drink, but if someone told me they don't like hot drinks I would just ask what they would like.

Although if they only drank fizzy drinks all day I admit that my eyebrows might rise a little.

What a strange accusation. Not everyone likes tea and coffee, and not liking them isn't exactly a claim to fame, not like saying that you can ONLY drink freshly squeezed guava juice, served at room temperature in a china mug.

makes mental note to try that next time

Kidding of course 😄

Good for you not needing caffeine!
Do you drink fruit tea / herbal tea?

I know a couple of people who don't drink tea or coffee.

I offer them juice, milk or water. (Or something stronger, at the weekend!)

It has never crossed my mind to feel anything but embarrassment that I forget this about them, once I knew them well enough to feel like I should remember it. And yes, they offer me a hot drink, at their house!

This is just random and odd on her part.

“Would you like a cup of tea or coffee?”
“WHAT? JESUS WHY DONT YOU JUST PISS IN MY MOUTH”

That would be attention seeking. Doesn’t sound like you do that, so…

So your address for this weekend invite 🤣🤣 what milk is it 👀

My friend only drinks diet cola. But she makes me a tea.
That's normal friendship.

Sometimes refusing alcoholic drinks is met with a similar reaction where you are expected to explain yourself and many alternatives are offered. I remember once the DH of my friend wouldn't take no for an answer and brought me wine. I just left it on a table untouched and went off to find some water

She is clearly batshit. Start avoiding her/giving her a wide berth, and if you're extra brave, just say 'ah fuck off you mad cunt!' And laugh at her! 😆

I don't drink alcohol or tea though I inhale coffee .

My adult DS doesn't have tea or coffee , very , very rare hot chocolate .

If he says "No thank you I don;t drink tea or coffee" then it's fine . End of .

Otherwise someone might wonder if he's thinking Noooo I;d have to sieve the lumps out of the water that you boil and bleach your cups before I;d use one .
A "No , I don;t drink it thank you" is polite .

And he isn't an attention seeker

It acts as a social lubricant and makes people feel more at ease by following a sort of ritual. You're not required to drink it just because of that, and your acquaintance is being a total wally, but it does make some people feel uncomfortable.

YANBU

I don’t mind tea or coffee (particular about tea and want only oat milk for coffee) but I mainly
drink it when it is really cold to me (-10 C and below outside) otherwise it’s mainly sparkling water with lemon or limes added and herbs or with a bit of squash or cordial if I want a fruity flavour.

Most people I know don’t have sparkling water so I go for weak squash or tap water. I think it’s a bit controlling to expect people to drink a hot beverage because you’re having one or to dictate someone’s beverage choice.

I wouldn't have diet coke in the house unless I knew my diet coke drinking friend was coming.

From a cow, or from Oatly. Whichever people want. I don't care, personally, because I don't have to drink it.

We also have wheat free options. Truly attention seeking, celiacs. All that vomiting and stomach cramping and diarrhoea just from a bit of wheat! I ask you. They need to grow up, too.

I think having SEN kids, when gut issues are so commonly co-morbid and we know loads of affected adults and kids, probably shifts our perspective. But I can't actually imagine caring, anyway. Why be that invested in what other people ingest? It's not something I ever think about, other than making sure we don't accidentally poison anyone.

Weekend coffee offerings include espresso martinis. Can be passion fruit for caffeine refuseniks. Or gin or wine. ALL COLD. Terrible hostessing. Though the Irish coffee is warm - does that pass muster?

Thinking about it, I actually barely drink alcohol myself, for health reasons. But other people enjoy it. Isn't that the point? That offering food and drink is about the guest, and not us?

Do some people really have strong opinions about people who don't drink tea or coffee?

I offer guests tea, coffee, hot chocolate, herbal/fruit tea, squash/juice/ flavoured water (I don't usually have all three at once) or just water and I don't bat an eyelid about their choice. You can choose to have nothing at all if that's your preference.

It's almost as if some people take it personally.