to think it isn't 'attention-seeking' not to drink tea or coffee?

[ruethewhirl]

I've just had this ridiculous accusation levelled at me by an acquaintance (note I didn't say friend). 'But isn't it all just a bit attention-seeking really?' 😬

No. I just don't drink them because I don't like them. Never have. Where's the attention-seeking in that?! I don't even mention it unless it becomes directly relevant i.e. someone offers me a tea or coffee. OK, if I went on about it, or suggested others should follow suit, or got funny when people can't offer me anything to drink/expected hosts to get alternative drinks in for me (not that I've ever been to hers, so maybe she's making assumptions based on other people she's known)... but I don't. I have noticed people sometimes get a bit stressed about this if I'm at their house and they haven't anything else to offer me, but I'm genuinely fine with a glass of water, or a hot chocolate if they have it in, but I'd never expect them to get it specially.

She followed it up with 'Yes, but it's nice to be able to offer your guests a hot drink, isn't it' so maybe she's assuming I don't do that myself when hosting - she's never been to my place - but of course I do! Just because I don't drink something myself doesn't mean I'm not going to make it for other people.

I dunno, I'm not super worked up about it, more curious and mildly irked. It's not the first time people have criticised me for not drinking tea or coffee (I was once called 'childish' over it), and it really baffles me why they would even care. AIBU to think this is just odd and narrow-minded?? 🤔

Depends how you responded.

Really?! That’s crazy 🤯

I drink both but certainly wouldn't judge you over not liking or wanting them. Very rude of her to name call or make it into a thing

They literally use tea as an example for consent! So no, it's not rude to the host to decline. It's a cup of tea and one less for them to make. No idea why people would make an issue out of a guest preferring water.

I never used to drink tea or coffee. Will happily make them for DH or visitors.

Now I like mint tea or iced coffee but they’re not usually options when you’re visiting someone so I just have water. (I’ll even drink hot water because I’m a weirdo!).

Not attention seeking but I remember starting my first office job and I definitely missed out on some social aspects/office politics because I wasn’t part of the tea round!

Lots of people in our office don’t drink hot drinks. It’s great, less cups in a round.

Sorry @ruethewhirl , I meant to quote the original comment!

This is why I take a bottle of water or coke with me everywhere I go.

I don’t like hot drinks. I will very rarely have a cup of tea but only if I make it. I’ve not had one this year, can normally count the cups on one hand through the year.

I don’t think it’s weird but I find people are quite pushy about it as evidenced by some of the responses and just saying “no thanks” isn’t sufficient in some cases.

I feel like a bit of a social pariah because I don’t drink coffee. Everyone I know is quite obsessed with coffee. If friends are here and my husband or kids aren’t, I can’t even make them a coffee. We have one of those fancy Sage bean to cup machines and I have no idea how to use it.

I’ll drink a black tea to be sociable, but I can’t remember the last time I had one.

My husband thinks I’m very unsophisticated. I think he’s joking, but I do sort of wish I liked coffee. I’m glad to not have that rancid breath though.

I also don't drink tea or coffee - maybe about 5 or 6 hot chocolates throughout the year
Your 'friend' is a rude idiot

I don't drink either and can't stand them. Tried but can't get through a cup, and am baffled by the mania for them in society. It's nothing to do with attention-seeking. It's having your own taste and not going along with the masses just because. Fags and beer and such were all things that there's social pressure to partake of, and tea and coffee may be milder but it's the same in a way. It's not like they're good, or tasty like chocolate or cheese. People are blatantly hooked on coffee, which at least has an understandable flavour you can make chocolates or cake out of (though not the nicest). Tea is just rank and needs indoctrination to find appealing. It's not the kind of taste most people would love a lolly to taste of, for instance. So weird. But each to their own. I'm fine as I am and don't need 'a hot drink' to cope with life.

I had to empty my husband's cafetière the other day and was boggled by how much grainy crap one dosage creates. With the amount of coffee people are imbibing daily, I'm amazed the drains/waste system can still function. Never mind landfill, there must be some soggy grain waste mountain somewhere!

All grown ups should like tea or coffee. Your friend is right, a grown up asking another grown up for a hot chocolate is embarrasing. Do you like squirty and marshmallows too?

Some people are just stupid and insecure and are disturbed by and take offence at anyone or anything that differs from their actions, inactions or tastes. You can’t reason with them.

Not drinking tea or coffee is surprisingly common, especially in people who have been lactose intolerant from late childhood and haven’t developed the taste for them. Lactose intolerance in adulthood is commonplace for certain ethnic groups.

You get the same with teetotallers being disapproved of and persistently urged to drink alcohol. And vegetarians being urged to eat bacon.

I don't drink tea or coffee or hot chocolate.
If someone offers me a hot drink I'll tell them I don't drink them.
2 reasons, 1 I don't like hot drinks and 2 I don't want someone offering me different types of hot drinks in the futures.

I don't think it's over sharing telling people you don't like tea or coffee, just saves people from keep asking you in the future.

Funnily enough I get this the other way around because I only drink tea and coffee. Unless it's heatwave hot when I will drink water. Ooh am I an attention seeker too? 🤣

Well chosen username!

I am allergic to caffeine so tea and coffee are never drunk by me. I used to not be able to eat chocolate either when I was younger as my reaction was stronger. I can now tolerate some but some gives me migraines so I don't eat much.

I just fine it difficult when people ask me to make them a tea or coffee as I have just never made them so don't have a clue the proportion of milk etc.

Never eaten tiramisu, didn't have an Easter egg or selection box as a child......

People are weird.

I don’t drink tea or coffee either. Seems to affect other people more than it ever has me!

What a load of rubbish. You don't suddenly like something just because your a grown up

I don't drink any hot drinks, most alcohol and I don't like water. Can you imagine her dismay at my life choices?
I just tend to make sure I have a drink with me when I go anywhere. I haven't noticeably offended anyone yet that I'm aware of.

No it didn't unless there was sugar in it. Even then may not full on gagging, but close.

I don't drink tea or coffee, but I love a hot chocolate. One of my work colleagues called me boujie cos I often take an HC to work in my keep-cup! I'm not good at offering hot drinks to guests, (DH doesn't drink tea either, so we rarely have tea bags in the house!) but always have a variety of cold drinks available.

I can think of many more exciting ways to embarrass myself than politely declining tea or coffee.

Like doing the happy dance in a shop because I've been IDed for cider/ red bull... in my 40s. Perks of not being a proper grown up

Maybe the tannins are aging- they are used in leather production

I agree it's polite to offer, but it's equally polite to accept a refusal