to think it isn't 'attention-seeking' not to drink tea or coffee?

[ruethewhirl]

I've just had this ridiculous accusation levelled at me by an acquaintance (note I didn't say friend). 'But isn't it all just a bit attention-seeking really?' 😬

No. I just don't drink them because I don't like them. Never have. Where's the attention-seeking in that?! I don't even mention it unless it becomes directly relevant i.e. someone offers me a tea or coffee. OK, if I went on about it, or suggested others should follow suit, or got funny when people can't offer me anything to drink/expected hosts to get alternative drinks in for me (not that I've ever been to hers, so maybe she's making assumptions based on other people she's known)... but I don't. I have noticed people sometimes get a bit stressed about this if I'm at their house and they haven't anything else to offer me, but I'm genuinely fine with a glass of water, or a hot chocolate if they have it in, but I'd never expect them to get it specially.

She followed it up with 'Yes, but it's nice to be able to offer your guests a hot drink, isn't it' so maybe she's assuming I don't do that myself when hosting - she's never been to my place - but of course I do! Just because I don't drink something myself doesn't mean I'm not going to make it for other people.

I dunno, I'm not super worked up about it, more curious and mildly irked. It's not the first time people have criticised me for not drinking tea or coffee (I was once called 'childish' over it), and it really baffles me why they would even care. AIBU to think this is just odd and narrow-minded?? 🤔

Sounds like a frenemy, pretending to be nice and friends but really being weird and horrible!
I have a coffee in the morning but that’s it and people have thought it’s strange but I don’t like tea! No one’s ever taken against it though!

I'm not sure how it's attention seeking? I don't like or drink tea or coffee and nobody has ever taken issue with me politely refusing! I do drink hot chocolate and even when I say "no, thank you" to that even though I drink it and just not in the mood for it there's never been a problem.

Would she think it attention seeking if you were being offered alcohol (glass of wine, whatever) and said "No, thank you. I don't drink"?

I get it makes the host feel good to be able to give a drink but if the visitor genuinely doesn't want one then what's the problem? Why should people be forced to have something they don't want?? Being forced to have a drink would make me think they're a terrible host and not want to go to them again.

Ooh, I wish I could claim credit for being caffeine-free but alas not. I do drink Diet Coke, though not excessively, and have been known to pop a Red Bull on occasion too. #sheepish Difficult to avoid it some days as I get tired a lot. It'd actually be quite helpful if I did like coffee. 😄

I've never yet tasted a fruit/herbal tea that I've liked, but I do sometimes toy with trying a few more just to see if there are any that take my fancy!

Yes there are so many drinks in my house I don’t drink including the various coffees I have coffee for instant, for the coffee machine and fresh beans, multiple teas including fruit ones 😅

Whole milk for me but my mums on the oat one so we always have that in too.

Don’t be daft. Why would I accept a drink of tea or coffee if I don’t like either of them? I just politely decline.

You do realise that tea originated in China, it’s not a British cultural thing. It’s just a popular drink. It’s no more cultural than northerners drinking Vimto.

I was in Oman last week and very strong coffee and dates is a huge thing over there. I like neither and when I politely declined, no one was offended in the slightest.

There's some very strange attitudes on here about what we should and shouldn't like. I love tea and coffee, but if others don't enjoy it then fine, that's up to them, I couldn't care less. I hate fish, if I say that does that make me attention seeking? Or simply stating a fact?

I definitely get frenemy vibes from her.😄

She also has a penchant for remarking on people's restaurant menu choices with things like 'Oh, I wouldn't have ordered that with that,' if she thinks they've ordered something that doesn't 'go'. Not very good at thinking out of the box generally, really. 😄Thankfully our social circles don't collide too often!

Of course it isn't attention-seeking. I've known people who don't like hot drinks, it's not that rare. Take no notice.

Ooh, I forgot to mention the Vimto...

(And I'm northern too 😅)

I don't drink them either.
I usually say "no thanks".
If it persists "I don't drink either"

Your friend needs to realise people have different preferences.

Hot chocolate is the only drink I like and that's only occasionally (and if it's made with milk and not hot water).

I can't stand tea or coffee or fruit / flavoured teas.

Nobody has ever batted an eyelid about it.

I gave a couple of friends who don’t drink tea or coffee. Not sure why anyone has an issue. I always have a couple of posh cordials in so if they’re thirsty I can provide!

I didn’t used to drink hot drinks at all and some people cannot get their heads around it! My answer would always be “just a water for me, thanks” and most people were fine but some took it as a personal affront! Always remember one woman saying “but how do you get warm, how?!” as if it was the most dramatic thing she’d ever heard 🤣

Don't think it's attention seeking at all! Dh doesn't drink hot drinks. I did find it odd when we first met but I was raised to have a cuppa first thing and as many times through the day as humanly possible! Despite not drinking the stuff himself he makes me a coffee every morning 😍He does offer guests hot drinks as well as cold!

I’m never shocked when people don’t like tea or coffee I didn’t for many years, don’t ever remember being questioned for it

Reminds me of a coworker I had who called me vain for getting laser eye surgery 🤔 I wasn't aware that being able to see was a vanity thing.

@ruethewhirl I spend a lot of time on a different thread for my sanity and they are great support. The person with the problem here is not you. I drink good coffee but would refuse instant. My choice. I limit my caffeine due to a medical condition so would prefer one really good coffee. It is simple. I drink hot water all the time with lemon if possible. I am possibly outing myself here and if my brother and sister are on they will immediately know who I am. I get on great with my sister - we holiday together 3 or 4 times a year. My brother and I have a fractured relationship. If I go to my sisters she will simply say - coffee or water…TBH her coffee is excellent. If I say water she will offer lemon or ginger as an added taste. No judgement. Brother so different I actually don’t bother with anything other than tap water. Several times he has actually refused to serve me ‘hot water’ saying ’you can’t drink that’…..errr why not?

I was actually on my way to the dentist and hygienist so I’d properly for weeks flossed cleaned etc etc as I respect they work hard to keep my mouth healthy so I should too. He actually said ‘ oh BlueLegume’ are you stupid let them earn their money’. What a twit.

His teeth are awful even though our parents went through a lot of orthodontic procedures with him. All NHS for free in the 70s and 80s. He couldn’t be bothered to do what he needed. Unbelievably he still has an NHS dentist but bemoans the fact my sister and I are ‘lucky’ to have such nice teeth. Errr no we have gone down the private route and ensured we look after our teeth …..HOT WATER and all.

Drink your hot water and enjoy. You are not the problem.

I drink tea purely to avoid the awkwardness that comes with not drinking tea/coffee. It really seems to matter enormously to some people. It’s like their social programming goes glitchy if you’re not following the predicted protocol.

I know someone who ended up in hospital, looking at emergency surgery for his sky rocketing heart rate, until someone asked the right question and it turned out he had drunk over 20 cups of coffee that day- he was a sales rep and everywhere he went people offered a cup of coffee and he was too polite to refuse. 🤣

I don't drink it for religious reasons, so I would not take it to be polite

My best friend doesn’t drink tea or coffee, but she always offers me one. Tastes like shit but I love her anyway. All she has off me at my house is tap water. 😂

each to their own.

We don't really drink them either (I have the odd decaf earl grey though) but drink lots of herbal tea. We'd get stuff in for guests as well. Not attention-seeking at all, what a bizarre thing to say!

I don't drink them either, in fact the only hot drink I enjoy is hot Ribena. I have been told I'm "not a real grown up." I don't care.

If you don't want to do the whole "no thanks I hate them" thing, I say thanks I have just had one but please don't let me stop you. I used to visit people in their own homes for the NHS and I won't put people off their dinner but some of the houses, I wouldn't let ANYTHING past my lips. I think there are perfectly polite ways to decline a drink. PS I agree its polite to offer but its also quite acceptable to accept a polite refusal.

Eh? No idea what this rambling is about and the relevance to whether people prefer tea, coffee or neither but my dentist only recommends water, milk or tea as a drink and definitely not lemon.

https://dentistsatpymble.com.au/lemon-water-and-your-teeth/#:~:text=Lemons%20are%20highly%20acidic%20and,blood%20and%20nerve%20supply%20lie.

https://www.grinmag.com/archive/en/ddpa/2019/winter/wellness/what-does-drinking-tea-do-for-my-smile/#:~:text=Studies%20show%20tea%20may%20help,re%20getting%20with%20each%20sip.