to think it isn't 'attention-seeking' not to drink tea or coffee?

[ruethewhirl]

I've just had this ridiculous accusation levelled at me by an acquaintance (note I didn't say friend). 'But isn't it all just a bit attention-seeking really?' 😬

No. I just don't drink them because I don't like them. Never have. Where's the attention-seeking in that?! I don't even mention it unless it becomes directly relevant i.e. someone offers me a tea or coffee. OK, if I went on about it, or suggested others should follow suit, or got funny when people can't offer me anything to drink/expected hosts to get alternative drinks in for me (not that I've ever been to hers, so maybe she's making assumptions based on other people she's known)... but I don't. I have noticed people sometimes get a bit stressed about this if I'm at their house and they haven't anything else to offer me, but I'm genuinely fine with a glass of water, or a hot chocolate if they have it in, but I'd never expect them to get it specially.

She followed it up with 'Yes, but it's nice to be able to offer your guests a hot drink, isn't it' so maybe she's assuming I don't do that myself when hosting - she's never been to my place - but of course I do! Just because I don't drink something myself doesn't mean I'm not going to make it for other people.

I dunno, I'm not super worked up about it, more curious and mildly irked. It's not the first time people have criticised me for not drinking tea or coffee (I was once called 'childish' over it), and it really baffles me why they would even care. AIBU to think this is just odd and narrow-minded?? 🤔

It seems as odd thing to care about. If a friend doesn't drink or eat certain things you don't give them it. You might forget and accidentally offer, but so what?

The only thing I can think of is if you endlessly feel the need to talk about your feelings about said beverages and their negative affects/taste etc. kind of spoiling others enjoyment of it.

But otherwise surely it's just a case of offering water, booze, juice, milk? Whatever else you have that isn't the thing they dislike.

If a mate says 'Do you want to go for coffee?' you say yes but just order something else.

Your friend sounds a bit off for saying that.

So many non Tea and Coffee drinkers - I have found my clan!

I just say politely no thank you, and glass of water will be lovely. If they push, I just explain I don't drink tea or coffee but water is perfect.

Some accept that easily, some look most concerned, and ask "what do I drink instead" as though it must mean I am severely dehydrated all the time. Neat Vodka is my usual answer...

There are people in this world who cannot conceive of people doing things differently to how they do them.

Will you have a mineral? Go on!

Er...... no.

Our culture is not one where people are obligated to accept and drink and cup of tea they do not want.

Why on earth would you think it was?

Of course what really confuses people is when you arrange to "go out for a coffee" and I order something cold to drink. Some people really can't cope with that at all! They cannot compute that meeting for a coffee is really only meeting for a drink and a chat, and it really doesn't matter what beverage you consume!

That's bizarre. My DFIL and one of my friends don't like tea or coffee either. Why on earth would that be attention seeking?!?

She’s being ridiculous. I don’t drink tea or coffee, when asked I just say could I have a glass of water. Not everyone needs hot drinks. I also have tea and coffee in to offer people when they come

My MIL is constantly both bewildered and irritated by the fact that I don't like tea. She thinks I'm some kind of psychopath 😂

I just don't like tea. I'd rather drink water.

So true.

I once started a new job where I shared an office with two others. Mid-morning I asked about coffee-making facilities and they told me where to find the kettle. I offered to make a round and they both said they didn't drink either tea or coffee. I was gobsmacked as had not encountered this before, but it was best to get it clear right away so I didn't keep asking.

I'm sure OP has not been like this, but in conversations of this type I often remember a man with all the social skills of a wheelie bin who was invited with his wife for a meal with my parents. My Mum asked him if he'd like some broccoli. He said 'No, it's horrible, isn't it!'

Nope, no song and dance, but people can be a bit Mrs Doyle-ish about it. 😄Plus, it can seem rude imo just to decline without saying why - I'd feel just a flat 'no thanks' would be rude - and some people seem to get offended if I don't accept a drink of any kind, so it can be tricky. It tends to go more like:

'Would you like a cup of tea?'
'No, I'm fine thanks.' (with a smile)
'Coffee?'
'No, I'm good thanks, but I'd love a glass of water.' (again with a smile. Not asking for hot chocolate because I'd feel high-maintenance. 😄Also because I'm permanently thirsty (meds) so water is actually a good option for me.)

At which point one of two things happens - they either just offer me hot chocolate or something else cold, or water if that's all they have in, and I accept politely. Perfect.

Or the questions as to why I don't want tea/coffee start. 'Are you lactose intolerant?' etc. Sometimes accompanied by 'Oh, go on, I'll just make you a really weak coffee, it's nice, you'll like it, I bet you've never tried it' or similar, or 'Ooh, I know what you'll like, I've got some lovely mint tea, I'll make you some of that...' You get the picture.

I've tasted both tea and coffee in various strengths/flavours over the years trying to get to grips with them, partly so as not to seem awkward when I visit people. I definitely don't like any of them. And the more different options they offer me, the more I'm starting to look churlish and difficult - and, ironically, like I'm making a song and dance - by not accepting any of them, however nicely I do it.

So in a way it's sometimes the other person that makes a song and dance about it, needing to know why, and/or stressing out because they haven't anything hot for me even though I've said it's fine. It becomes more of a 'thing' the more it's talked about, but it's not me talking about it unless I'm pressed to do so. So it can be a little trickier than it might appear on the surface. 😄

My DH doesn’t like hot drinks and is the least attention seeking person I know. People are so weird about it though.

My DH doesn't like tea or coffee. He drinks quite a lot of Ribena at home but he's perfectly happy to drink water at people's houses, and sometimes has hot chocolate in a café. I've known people to be surprised that he doesn't like either of them, but never nasty or negative about it, so yes, I think these people ABVU. It's not hurting them to have their tea bags go further and just get someone a glass of tap water, is it?

No, offering a brew is a cultural thing.
Expecting everyone to accept a brew regardless of whether they want it would be weird and bad manners of the host.

I don't drink tea or coffee either! I've tried both and just don't like it. I do make it for others.
Also to add. My Dad drinks coffee but not tea. When my parents came to my then boyfriend's for the first time my Dad accepted a cup of tea. Didn't say a word and drank it. Only later did we tell my now husband that he doesn't drink tea.

I don’t drink either and find I end up having to tell people mostly because a lot of people I know have tradie/construction partners where the general rule seems to be you only turn it down if you think their house is dirty. I’m also fussy on water 😅 it has to be freezing and I don’t even like the taste of water in different houses in the same city.

So it goes
“would you like a coffee?”
no thanks I’m good thank you
“you sure you don’t want one or a tea?” (Side eyeing me)
yeah I’m good.
“no you must be thirsty” (bigger side eyeing)
I don’t like tea or coffee 😅 I’m weird like that 🤣

Maybe a joke about what do I drink when it’s cold.

'Would you like a tea or coffee?'
'Have you got any gin?'
'It's 9:30 am'
'I know what I said...'

DH doesn't drink either and he absolutely hates any form of attention! How weird.

Not attention seeking, no. But a bit socially awkward. When I was in my late teens/early 20s I "trained" myself to like drinking tea as it just eased social situations. It wasn't hard and now I enjoy it.

I don’t drink tea or coffee either. Doesn’t stop me making tea or coffee when having people around. I either drink water, herbal tea or hot chocolate.

A drink of cold water when it is 2 degrees outside isn't welcome to most people TBH.

I don't judge people for not liking tea or coffee or any hot drink, but I often wonder how on earth they fancy a cold drink of water when the weather is cold.

I do drink water BTW but only when I am hot and/or thirsty, whch rarely happens at this time of year as I just don't get thirsty when I am cold.

I don't drink tea or coffee either. Never seen the appeal.

I don't see why it's attention seeking, someone did once ask me if I was a bit simple minded for preferring squash to tea, as it seemed childlike to her. I laughed

I only drink water! I'd probably send her over the edge completely 🤣🤣

I beg your pardon?!! I’m born and bred British and I can’t stand tea - or coffee. I just drink water.

I know plenty of British vegetarians. Roast beef is as much part of our tradition as tea is. In fact, it’s longer established in our diet. Do you think it’s impolite for vegetarians to refuse roast beef? !!!

So, you should just accept a cup of tea even if you have no intention of drinking it?

How wasteful.