to think it isn't 'attention-seeking' not to drink tea or coffee?

[ruethewhirl]

I've just had this ridiculous accusation levelled at me by an acquaintance (note I didn't say friend). 'But isn't it all just a bit attention-seeking really?' 😬

No. I just don't drink them because I don't like them. Never have. Where's the attention-seeking in that?! I don't even mention it unless it becomes directly relevant i.e. someone offers me a tea or coffee. OK, if I went on about it, or suggested others should follow suit, or got funny when people can't offer me anything to drink/expected hosts to get alternative drinks in for me (not that I've ever been to hers, so maybe she's making assumptions based on other people she's known)... but I don't. I have noticed people sometimes get a bit stressed about this if I'm at their house and they haven't anything else to offer me, but I'm genuinely fine with a glass of water, or a hot chocolate if they have it in, but I'd never expect them to get it specially.

She followed it up with 'Yes, but it's nice to be able to offer your guests a hot drink, isn't it' so maybe she's assuming I don't do that myself when hosting - she's never been to my place - but of course I do! Just because I don't drink something myself doesn't mean I'm not going to make it for other people.

I dunno, I'm not super worked up about it, more curious and mildly irked. It's not the first time people have criticised me for not drinking tea or coffee (I was once called 'childish' over it), and it really baffles me why they would even care. AIBU to think this is just odd and narrow-minded?? 🤔

Thanks for this thread OP. There are really some quite bonkers people on this thread. I am so glad I have normal friends who can have a conversation with me despite my lack of mug of hot drink in my hand.

As it is I have tried over the years to like both tea and coffee as it is such an ingrained part of society. However I just don't like it.

There are some people who dislike giving a glass of water as they feel they are not giving you anything as it is free from the tap. Mostly the older generation. These are the people who will when you request just a glass of water will list literally every drink available in their house.

I do see more people these days who don't drink tea or coffee and it is nice to have more people like me and not feel like I'm a weird outlier.

Could you have some wafer-thin ham?

Love it 😂 Always good to meet a fellow Royle Family fan...

Good grief. You are not being unreasonable. She is being bizarre.

How weird. I know lots of people who don't drink tea/coffee. What difference does it make. Glass of water should be fine.

It was going to be that or Mrs Doyle 😊 🫖 🤓

Shock horror!!! There's also people in the world who don't like chocolate.🍫 They wouldn't get an invite at Easter.🐣 🤣

Ah, well, yes, people who don't like chocolate really are just plain weird. removes tongue from cheek 😄

My Mum had a go at me for not drinking tea or coffee cos apparently its rude tor refuse the offer, she seems to think i'll never be able to socialise properly without these drinks. I often just say no thanks, then my husband will pipe up with 'She doesn't like hot drinks' so they say oh can i get you something else when i genuinely don't want anything.

Your mum sounds like my MIL, she seems to see not drinking tea or coffee as some sort of social faux pas and even once told me my parents should have ‘got me drinking them’ at a young age so as not to offend my hosts when older. (Then again, this is someone who claims to have ‘made herself like everything’. 🙄) I’ve always found it barmy.

What a great (polite) response. Love it.

Mine honestly would have been ‘I didn’t expect this thread to be full of wierdo’s’

I don’t drink tea or coffee (don’t like either). I just politely decline and say I don’t like tea or coffee thanks, but I would love a water or hot chocolate it you have it. If you just decline, people will persist in offering in the future.

How is a normal every day conversation been turned into people thinking it’s some kind of ‘performance’. Bat-shit some of the responses on here 😂

I don't drink tea or coffee but I don't mind fruit tea so I'll sometimes accept one of those if offered. However I tend to regret that because if I see the same person regularly e.g. at work they expect me to want 5 cups of fruit tea a day to keep up with the amount of tea/coffee they're drinking. Makes me think tea and coffee drinking is just caffeine addiction, the amount people put away.

As someone who drinks, or used to drink, a lot of tea every day I think there is something in the idea of caffeine addiction because when I switched to fruit/herbal tea I had zero desire to have multiple cups a day. When I weaned myself off the caffeinated tea I also lost the desire for it. However when I gave up sugar (which I am definitely addicted to) I needed SOMETHING so I switched to decaffeinated tea, but it isn't the same. I can't drink lots of cups of it - probably because I am actually craving a caffeine hit.

I have a friend who doesn’t drink tea or coffee either. When she comes round she asks for water or squash. I’ve never thought anything of it.

I drink one cup of coffee in the morning and that’s usually it for my hot drink consumption.

I’ve had builders/workmen who drink Earl Grey tea.

I never have squash in the house, they all taste vile these days.

Does she think other aspects of your existence are 'attention seeking'? As that in isolation especially when you weren't even requesting a separate drink at he time is not that at all?

I'd say it's more odd to allow someone to make you a cup of tea that you're not going to touch. Just to seem like you're blending in with others?!

My sister doesn't drink hot drinks or offer them and her house is always cold as she loves leaving windows open. I find it really inhospitable and don't really enjoy visiting. At least a warm drink would make it feel more cosy!!

My ex-MIL was always offering tea/coffee. It was constant. In the end I’d say yes, just to shut her up. She then complained that I would never make myself a cup of tea and she always had to do it… couldn’t win. I never wanted one, I was just doing it to shut her up 😅

Yeah, that's poor hosting. Even when I lived on my own I kept tea and coffee in for guests. (I struggle in cold houses too!)

Me too! She's never accused me of attention seeking re anything else, as far as I can remember, although she does have a habit of looking at me as though I'm from another planet if I happen to say something she can't relate to... 😒

I've not actually had to see her in a while (friend of a friend) and all in all I'm pretty glad! 😄

My OH doesn't drink tea or coffee and neither do my adult DC.

That's ridiculous...mind you people are funny about tea. They are very judgemental if you ask for sugar in it as well. "Sugar? You don't look like the sort of person who has sugar in their tea" then they proceed to put a spoonfuls of rock hard brown sugar in it....which is entirely wrong fir tea.

I’d be offering the brown sugar too or honey. Nobody takes sugar normally so I don’t buy white sugar unless I’m baking or there’s workmen due. It has solidified in the sugar canister before and needed to to be chiselled out.

Sounds like it's for the best to give her a wide berth. I had a mate who seemed more like a 'frenemy' towards the end. So I feel your pain!

At one point she started mocking my voice and saying 'oooh, I'm Bobby biscuits, lah deeh dah...' while mincing about, literally like a four year old might?!

This was out of the blue and after I'd travelled 250 miles to visit her on her request. She was 38. 🙃

How about if you don’t have sugar in the house because you don’t use it, or milk because you’re vegan for ethical reasons yet have workmen due? I’ll bet it would blow people’s minds to know I’d never get milk in just for them. They can have tea (which I don’t drink unless it’s herbal, but I’ll have teabags in the cupboard) or (decaf) coffee, black or with soya/oat milk and that’s that! I’m sure this makes me a monster.

I genuinely don’t understand the British obsession with endless cups of tea. Or hot chocolate, either. Not that that’s such an obsession, but as an alternative to tea or coffee.