Family is against me for not feeding baby meat

[Foxtails]

Sorry if this has been brought up before, but could do with some advice please.

8 month old baby, stopped breastfeeding at 6 months. So far I have not fed anything with meat in it and do not plan to. I am vegetarian and have been for 8 years. DH is not veggie but does eat veggie meals in the house with me (his choice). For now, while my son has no way to make his own decisions, I won’t be feeding him meat. Once he is old enough to decide for himself, he can choose. We will always have vegetarian meals in the house but if he wants to eat it outside of the house that’s up to him and there will be no judgement from me.

It seems like absolutely none of my family members can accept this. My mum, dad, grandparents and also DHs parents have expressed to me how they think this is wrong. I have told them that as long as he is fed and is healthy then there really is no problem, and it’s up to me how I do this. It’s got to the point where it’s being brought up almost every time I see anyone because they are so so against it. I feel attacked. They are telling me not to force my views upon my child, but isn’t that what all parents do?! People parent their children how they think is best and in line with what they agree with. Everyone does this.

I am feeling upset and overwhelmed and feeling like i can’t go and see anyone without them starting this argument with me and I worry that they will feed him meat behind my back. Please could I have some advice on what to do and how to handle this? Has anyone been in this position?

Is the baby getting milk? Eggs? Cheese? Nothing wrong with being vegetarian but many vegetarians I know (religious) did feed their children a lot of dairy, I know a few how provided eggs even though they don’t eat them themselves. You do need to be a bit more thoughtful about what your child eats to make sure they are getting adequate nutrients but it’s not awful or anything.

Yes, it’s just no meat

I'm not a vegetarian, but I know it can be a healthy diet as long as he's getting everything he needs from his diet and he's happy and healthy it's nobody else's business

They are being quite over the top then frankly. What are they worried he’s not getting? Btw iron drops, I would strongly suggest iron drops. At this age dairy is probably one of the most useful things you can give a baby. Calcium, phosphorous, b12, protein. Would you be able to explain that to them? Do they think the baby is not getting enough protein?

They are telling me not to force my views upon my child, but isn’t that what all parents do?!

But they want to force their views on your child. A bit hypocritical isn't it?

What does your dh think?

I’m sort of on the fence here I have a veggie DH and one veggie son. I’m like your dh, not vegetarian but functionally am one at home. The other ds is carnivorous. The veggie son did used to eat meat- he’s 100% chosen to become veggie so I do support him obviously

that said, before he’s old enough to make his own decisions (and after Tbf), i think you need to consider if you can get your dc enough protein in other ways

I am veggie and brought my kids up veggie ( One of them eats chicken now hes an adult).
We are all healthy and no deficiencies. None of us take supplements.
Millions of people are veggie around the world. My kids had dairy, eggs; greens, lentils.
Perhaps try to convince your family that your menu is not lacking in nutrition.

I had a sort of similar situation in that DH wanted DS to be vegetarian but I didn’t. We settled on pescatarian. He now eats meat - to be fair, DH wasn’t really full vegetarian himself and my DS was on the small side and a fussy eater so for what little he was eating, I wanted to make sure it was densely packed with protein and calories.
I guess what I am saying is, it’s not something I chose for mine but you have every right to choose this for yours. The family needs to accept this, they have no right to tell you that you have to feed meat to your child.
You need to shut these conversations down and your DH needs to present as a united front. If you do end up changing your mind down the road because you believe it is better for your child then you’re within your rights to do this. But for now, carry on as you are and be very firm that you will not entertain the conversation with them.

At the end of the day it’s your (and dh’s) decision- is he on board? This will cause arguments if not.

Tell them if they can't respect your choices they won't be looking after your child alone as you can't trust them not to give them steak

I have no idea. They don’t even know themselves because they can’t answer that question. They just think it’s cruel and extreme and I shouldn’t deprive my baby because of my own views

Many doctors and nutritionists support veggie lifestyles. As do many scientists.

Can he have meat that his father or other family members give him in their own homes or when out with him?

If not, then you are trying to push your son towards vegetarianism as you're not allowing him the opportunity to try meat at all. I'm not saying that's unethical or cruel, but it would be true that you're actively preventing him from developing culinary knowledge of meat.

That can only be in the hopes that he continues not to eat meat as he gets older.

We had this exact battle with some relatives over our son OP. They used all kids of belittling language about how it would compromise his health - which is hilarious and ironic given that they hold up as shining examples of health my nieces who subsist almost entirely on chicken nuggets and chips, when my son eats eggs, tofu, pulses, lentils etc.

We also got the ‘you’re forcing your beliefs on him’ idiocy from people who are absolutely unable to understand that choosing to feed your child meat is exactly the same as choosing not to.

You just have to stick to your guns and repeatedly say ‘we’re happy with our choice and don’t need to discuss it’. Mine eventually dropped the majority of their comments and they’re used to it now. One relative has asked my son a couple of times if he wants to try meat (and is always a bit deflated when my son says no) so I keep an eye on that to make sure they don’t start badgering him about it, but it’s generally fine now.

Oh yeah he is completely onboard and agrees

It's none of their business. Your baby is getting a balanced diet and is thriving. If they continue to do this, I would just see less of them.

Yes he can, but not yet because he is not able to make that choice. For now, I am in control of those choices. When he is old enough he will know what meat is and then can decide if he wants to try it at grandmas or with his dad or whatever. But while I have control over his diet at this age I don’t want him having it

Then there is no argument here and they need to back off.
Id be interested to know if they believe feeding them meat means processed shite!

I was with you until you said you were worried your family would feed the child meat "behind your back". Would you see this as somehow contaminating your baby? That's not a healthy way of looking at it (and I speak as someone who mostly eats vegetarian and has veggie teens)

That makes it all a bit more doable then. Best of luck with it. My carnivorous DS is a fussy bugger so would have been very limiting for him not to eat meat. Hopefully you can bring your dc up eating all the nice things that vegetarians enjoy

I will say though that while it’s fine day to day, being a vegetarian child on holiday in Europe has been a right PITA. I’m looking at you, France.

I raised my kids vegetarian-ish but due to autism and trying to support food restrictions ended up trying up trying them with the odd bit of organic chicken and so on. None of them will touch it despite being too young to have any idea of why we might not want to eat meat.

Keep on in your own way and it won't be an issue - any attempting to sneak the baby a bit of bacom quiche will end sharpish as the baby chews, chews more, retches and claws at their tongue with their fingers.

You need to be very careful as a vegetarian diet can lack vital things for health growth and the fibre content can make them full too early to get enough food. So, if want a vegetarian diet plan it out.

No I see it as disrespectful to totally go against my wishes

In my culture- Asian- children who dont eat okra, lentils, spinach, squash and the full range of veggies are considered odd, deprived and lacking in nutrition!

Science is catching up, judging by the Zoe diet.

So long as you are knowledgeable about your baby's nutritional needs and are making sure these are fulfilled then it really is no one else's business apart from your's and your DH . I assume he is on board with this.
They are bullying you into conforming with their life style. And if they continue to do so I would tell them that if they don't let the matter rest and leave you to parent your child in your own way then you will have no alternative than to withdraw contact with them until they respect your decisions re your own child.