Family is against me for not feeding baby meat

[Foxtails]

Sorry if this has been brought up before, but could do with some advice please.

8 month old baby, stopped breastfeeding at 6 months. So far I have not fed anything with meat in it and do not plan to. I am vegetarian and have been for 8 years. DH is not veggie but does eat veggie meals in the house with me (his choice). For now, while my son has no way to make his own decisions, I won’t be feeding him meat. Once he is old enough to decide for himself, he can choose. We will always have vegetarian meals in the house but if he wants to eat it outside of the house that’s up to him and there will be no judgement from me.

It seems like absolutely none of my family members can accept this. My mum, dad, grandparents and also DHs parents have expressed to me how they think this is wrong. I have told them that as long as he is fed and is healthy then there really is no problem, and it’s up to me how I do this. It’s got to the point where it’s being brought up almost every time I see anyone because they are so so against it. I feel attacked. They are telling me not to force my views upon my child, but isn’t that what all parents do?! People parent their children how they think is best and in line with what they agree with. Everyone does this.

I am feeling upset and overwhelmed and feeling like i can’t go and see anyone without them starting this argument with me and I worry that they will feed him meat behind my back. Please could I have some advice on what to do and how to handle this? Has anyone been in this position?

Sounds just like me when i had our 2 boys
( now 24/22)
I was veggie, DH too, since I was 18,I had DS’s aged 30/32
I weaned them both as Veggie, I used a brilliant baby weaning veggie book, they were never low on iron, kept on their milestones with weight /height etc
When our eldest ( age 3) went to nursery, they tried breakfast foods around the world, when i went to pick him up, they said he loved the meat sausages🤣
When I went back the next day, the lovely, lovely headmistress of the nursery ( very elderly Nun ) was so apologetic to me about the meat, at that point, I thought -out of our house they can choose what they like to eat,( like you) , staying with veggie meals at home.
please stick to your guns on this, there is so much information out there concerning nutrition, what foods are high in iron. It’s hard tho , when people are making comments, judging you. Tell them to mind their business
(Vegan diets for babies/toddlers tho-not so sure on those ) Vitamin B12 etc
Saying all that, I stopped being Veggie age 40, pregnant with our 3rd child, was going through a-lot, my DF was dying of cancer, anyhow….
My DS eat mostly veggie food, my DD tho , is a definite meat lover ,
You are a fab mum, dont forget that! 💐

This is such a healthy attitude to take. You’ve been a good mum.

I’m not vegetarian but my daughter (just gone 2) doesn’t really eat meat. She will eat fish fingers or sausages. I’m sure if I gave her a veggie sausage she wouldn’t tell the difference. Not sure about the fish.

not eating other meat is not effecting her at all. And this is not because I haven’t offered she just doesn’t want it.

There are plenty of other foods that she can get the nutrients from that she would get from meat.

I actually think you’re doing the right thing. People concerned about iron and protein obviously haven’t looked at how much various legumes actually produce.

My toddler didn’t like the texture of meat so for the first couple of years he had a vegetarian diet but now he loves sausages and chicken. I’m actually conflicted because I’m worried we’re now forcing eating animals on him which I know sounds silly but it’s actually more likely he’d be upset that way round in the future than by being raised vegetarian and then choosing to eat meat IYSWIM.

Ignore your families, some people are just very defensive and don’t want their own diets bought into question.

I brought my foster daughter up as a vegetarian but at 21 she does eat meat and fish from time to time. Getting on for 80 now and I'm still eating vegetarian food, I am fitter and healthier than many people I know much younger.

Next time your mum / dad says "don't force your views on the child" ask them to do the same with their child ie you

But they can dictate to you? Really hypocritical of them. As long as the baby gets enough protein, it doesn't matter where it comes from. Clearly you can't trust them to babysit your son. It really is none of their business.

I'm pescatarian and husband is full veggie...when we became Special Guardians to our Great-Grandson when he was 3 months old we were criticized at the weaning stage, and moreso as he got older, for not feeding him meat products...it wasn't overly verbal and nothing like the OP seems to be having to be put up with (🙄) more disapproving looks and passive aggressive remarks and some questions!!
I always felt that they thought that we were somehow disapproving or their eating habits and they were looking to justify themselves by persuading us to give GGS meat which wasn't the case at all and said more about them than it did about us! We stuck to our guns and he had no worries about going to parties and sleepovers and was relaxed about asking what he could eat and all his friends' parents were more than happy to accommodate our wishes and he never ever went hungry!
School lunch at Primary level was fine but it did get more difficult when he went to 'big school' and at one point they were making meals just for him because there weren't that many veggies at the school! He is now 15 and when he is eating out of the house he is free to eat what he wants (and he has been experimenting!) but he is still more than happy with the fact that he will get fish but definitely no meat at home! Oh and BTW he's a tall and very healthy good looking young man, without allergies and rarely ill! 😊

I think this is fine.

i didn’t really give my some meat until he was about 18 months.. I’m not a vegetarian, but I just thought it’s not the best food for a baby..

As long as your bub is getting milk and cheese, etc, and putting on weight as expected, there’s no problem.

Yeah all parents force their views on their kids, doesn’t mean it’s alright to do so, for example, I cant agree with veganism for babies, but you’re not doing anything extreme like that.

We had this, not because we were vegetarian, which the family found incomprehensible, but because we did not let them give him chocolate and sweets. MiL in particular said this was a dreadful deprivation and I was cruel.

DS was reluctant to eat anything, and I said I wasn't wasting what appetite he had on rubbish. Once he was eating properly he could have chocolate.

I couldn't leave him with her because she would have sneaked chocolate to him and said, 'Don't tell them, it's our little secret' - both making his eating worse and setting him up to be groomed later.

We are a vegetarian house. I’ve been a veggie for 30 years, the meals I cook in this house are vegetarian. DH and DD1 are pescatarians and DD2 is an omnivore. I get where you are coming from I never liked my children eating meat but equally I want them exposed to as many different foods as possible and didn’t want them limited by my beliefs. So I just run it that in this house we eat vegetarian but everyone can choose what they want to eat outside this house. DD1 wanted to be veggie but I persuaded her to be pescatarian as she didn’t eat a wide enough range of vegetarian food to be a healthy vegetarian, as she’s got older she eats a wider range of beans, pulses and veg so eats a lot less fish.

your family are quite clearly aholes. Of course you are going to make sure your baby is healthy and eating meat is not required and not even very helpful in 2024. they should give you a frickin medal for setting an example for the 21st century. similarly, if you’re from a family of vegetarians and you want to give your baby puréed veal, then no one should tell you otherwise - tell them to FO

"actively preventing him from developing culinary knowledge of meat" just as I would actively prevent a child from developing culinary knowledge of anything I feel is bad for him?? My child, my choise till he's 18.

So why are you in charge of his choices and not you and your DH. I know you said DH is on board but what if DH took him out and decided they wanted something with meat in. What happens if DH decides he would like baby to try some meat one day?

I’m not taking sides. Just a genuine question.

Sounds like a well balanced diet and will get him used to eating fruit and vegetables. Protein can be sourced from other products than meat but as you say, he will have the choice later. Xx

We were in exactly the same situation. My ds I weaned traditionally with purées and as it’s normal to test the food on your lip (or was nearly 20 years ago), of course he wasn’t going to have meat. Dd was baby led weaned but again, than meant eating what we ate which was pretty much always vegi. DH generally only ate meat if we went out.

as they got older they chose to eat meat and now DS is a real lover of meat and doesn’t think a meal is a meal without meal and Dd is a vegetarian like me. Both are healthy.

I would have a word with your HV because I'm 100% sure they will support you and can provide advice on making sure your baby's diet is nutritionallly complete. Then you can tell the relatives you have been professionally advised and they can eff off.

I suspect it is more concern for weather the baby is getting a really healthy diet in these vitally important years. It can be quite hard to ensure adequate nutrition without meat, especially if you extend this to fish and other animal products too.

Difference is the OP at that time was unable to admit that she was purposely trying to ensure her son was unfamiliar with meat so he wouldn't like it.

I just don't understand why so many people are opposed to the OP and her husband, as she has clearly said, making a choice for their child to be vegetarian. Of course they are steering him away from meat consumption! There is nothing wrong with making these sorts of ethical choices as a united parental decision. The potential nutritional issues can be addressed quite easily. OP recognises she can't control her child's choices for ever and is fine with that. People are nitpicking about how all this was originally expressed but OP has quickly clarified. It's really time for a whole load of MNetters as well as the family to back off.

OP better could have used 'we' than almost only 'I' and just in middle of somewhere she answered DH is on board. if he was, he would have supported her with family.

If I have choosen my child to be vegitarian strictly , I want him to have enough veg eating population so outrightly say OP is the best mom.

we should treat a child as an individual , mum give's birth, doesn't own him/her.

I am happy for her to continue what she does, but equally she has no right to blame family or world of alternative thought.

Don't we all do this? Purposely ensure our children are unfamiliar with things we don't agree with?

Just because a child is unfamiliar with something doesn't mean they won't like it as an adult.

Lots of people develop a taste for things they had no exposure to as children (cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, fast food). All we can do is guide them away from things we don't agree with. If OP doesn't want to expose her child to something she can do everything and anything she wants to to keep her children away from it.

There have been threads on here where people have been upset at grandparents giving their children biscuits or McDonald's and the responses are always "your child, your choice ". Why is the OP different because it is meat rather than sugar that she wants to avoid?

Also having a diet inclusive of meat is beneficial for the body’s microbiome. The microbiome affects literally every part of the body including immunity, allergies, development of diseases like cancer, longevity, absolutely everything. The medical world are now picking up on its enormous importance.

Yes we do. But if someone asked me if I purposely avoided giving my children sweets as babies for that reason, I'd have no problem saying yes and nor would their dad. That isn't what the OP was doing.

Although to be clear, this would mean a diet including occasional meat. Not every day at every meal. Obviously moderation is key with everything.