Family is against me for not feeding baby meat

[Foxtails]

Sorry if this has been brought up before, but could do with some advice please.

8 month old baby, stopped breastfeeding at 6 months. So far I have not fed anything with meat in it and do not plan to. I am vegetarian and have been for 8 years. DH is not veggie but does eat veggie meals in the house with me (his choice). For now, while my son has no way to make his own decisions, I won’t be feeding him meat. Once he is old enough to decide for himself, he can choose. We will always have vegetarian meals in the house but if he wants to eat it outside of the house that’s up to him and there will be no judgement from me.

It seems like absolutely none of my family members can accept this. My mum, dad, grandparents and also DHs parents have expressed to me how they think this is wrong. I have told them that as long as he is fed and is healthy then there really is no problem, and it’s up to me how I do this. It’s got to the point where it’s being brought up almost every time I see anyone because they are so so against it. I feel attacked. They are telling me not to force my views upon my child, but isn’t that what all parents do?! People parent their children how they think is best and in line with what they agree with. Everyone does this.

I am feeling upset and overwhelmed and feeling like i can’t go and see anyone without them starting this argument with me and I worry that they will feed him meat behind my back. Please could I have some advice on what to do and how to handle this? Has anyone been in this position?

Hello just posting as a fellow veggie who fed both of her children veggie and also had to put up with this. Parents make all kinds of choices for their children- where they go to school, what time they go to bed, what they wear and what they eat. It's your job as a parent. I just used to say, you'll thank me later, vegetarians are saving the planet, you know! Then carry on and let everyone judge away 🙂 Both mine are adults now and never wanted to eat meat, they're both very healthy and doing just fine.

Yes and that's why I said it annoys me that people will berate a healthy vegetarian (children who eat eggs daily, butter, lentils etc.) but not berate a parent who gives their child only processed meat.

Yes which is exactly what many of us do by avoiding artifical sweet flavours. There is nothing wrong with that. You do want to develop your child's palatte to the cuisine of their culture (sometimes sub-culture).

Being vegetarian alone isn't 'saving the planet'. Eating locally sourced food is just as important, as are other lifestyle choices.

A good vegetarian diet can be just as healthy as one that contains meat (and it may even be healthier in some cases). So no, YANBU to choose a vegetarian diet for your baby.

I would hesitate if your child was a picky eater, was on the low end of the height and or weight scales etc.

The issue isn’t about vegetarianism - it’s about it how much say your wider family members have in parenting your child. Basically, they have none.

They can give their opinion, but it is up to you whether you listen or act on it.

I would say to them.

You have made your opinions clear but we control how we parent our child. And do not be drawn into any further discussion.

They must respect your parenting choices, and if they don’t, limit contact. Do not give an inch on this. Some people will walk all over you if you let them.

Why should it be ok for them to override her parenting decisions?

I feel this way about parents who don't feed their kids okra, aubergine, spinach or lentils. Why would you needlessly not offer a broad diet? 😊 and make them reject veggies in the future or only eat them mashed up in sauce?

Avoiding artificial sweeteners isn't they same as avoiding meat. 🫣

I'm sure the extended family aren't trying to feed him ham and sausages to fight obesity. It's probably becayse they think ham and sausages are necessary for protein when the OP said her child eats EGG. A perfectly good animal protein choice.

My 10 month old is veggie. I’m vegan, husband is veggie. No way is she having any meat until she is old enough.

I find it ironic when people say don’t force your views on others but they’re literally forcing their meat eating views on you and your baby! Baby does not need meat to have a healthy diet!

I don’t know if they will ever look after baby alone when they’re older but unfortunately I don’t think I could trust them not to give meat for meal times :(

Just stand your ground, it’s your and your husbands decision.

I’m vegetarian, DH pescatarian, the DC are pescatarian (but don’t eat much fish as DH tends to only cook it when I’m not at home for dinner).

I had one friend who was horrified I wasn’t going to give my DS meat, and said I was forcing my views on him. I listed all the ways that my friend had forced his own views on his DC (including eating meat!).

No one has ever tried to feed them meat (well except nursery once by accident), I’d find it very disrespectful if they did try to do that behind my back.

I told my DC they could decide for themselves from the age of 7. DC2 is contrary and used to say he’d eat meat when he was 7, but when it came to it he chose not to,

They’re teenagers and perfectly healthy (and still happy not eating meat).

Well point out to your relatives that many many people are vegetarian and bring up their kids so. If you go to India vegetarian is the norm. Maybe they are arat and 2 veg type and don't understand that there's a great variety of veggie food

Who says that offering meat doesn't mean also offering the foods you mention though? Excluding any food type isn't great, there should be balance.

Humans are omnivores. We can thrive on high meat diets or no meat diets. How we choose to eat is up to us.

I don't give my son aubergine. Okra or lentils because i don't eat them. He gets other veggies.

I don’t know where you’re getting this from. Why do you think you know my husband? Why are you focusing so strongly on this and not the actual situation and problem at hand? Seeing as you are concerned about my poor husband and his lack of autonomy in our relationship, I am here to promise you that he is ok with this. It’s not a big deal to him. We have had long discussions about this even before I was pregnant. He has AGREED with me that he WANTS our child to be vegetarian because he thinks it’s the healthiest way. There was never a conversation that went “DH I want our child to be veggie so I don’t want you ever feeding them meat” and he just nodded along like a puppet. We looked into it together to see whether it’s doable and healthy and came to this decision jointly. I don’t know why people can’t wrap their heads around this. Do you all just have husbands and partners who think they’re cavemen and can’t imagine a life without meat and so you think mines the same? DH only eats meat when he eats out. Sometimes he still gets the veggie option. He says he would love to be veggie but can’t seem to give up fish

OP, where I am, so many kids are raised veggie. It is incredibly normal. Your family's view is very narrow and ignorant - please don't let them make you feel they are the of dominant and correct opinion. In fact they are quite old fashioned, what they are saying sounds like it comes from 30 years ago when vegetarianism was still regarded as weird and inconvenient.

As you continue to parent you'll meet plenty of other kids who have been vegetarian from birth. And others who have different dietary restrictions too. It sounds like yours is a perfectly healthy approach and it's your families who need to catch up a bit.

@SanctusInDistress they didn't evolve eating sausages, did they? I suspect in prehistoric times a hunt would net enough for the children of the tribe to have a mouthful or two once or twice a week, and the diet was 95% vegetarian

Meat is a good protein choice.
Egg is a good protein choice.
Being exposed to the texture and flavour of both is good.
I rejected eating many meat options but still appreciate being introduced to them. I rejected a few veggies too, but again appreciate being introduced to them.

We had a lot of questioning from our families about this, OP. We were both vegetarian and had been for many, many years. It never even occurred to us we would give DS meat. I'd been veggie 20 years and DH about 15 when DS came along but still there was lots of faux concern about not giving DS 'a bit of chicken'. I discussed it once, said that doctors were perfectly happy with his diet. It came up periodically from MIL more than my mother and I just refused to engage. After all parents decide to baptise their children, or pierce ears or circumcise sons and the child has no choice in those either. And those choices cannot be undone.

My MIL did once sneak feed my son meat, she was ratted out by his cousin and I was really annoyed. I'd left a perfectly good meal for her to reheat. The result of that was she did not get to look after him solo for another 4 years, I didn't have an argument about it but she'd proven I couldn't trust her. I found it highly disrespectful and my mum was furious too even though she earlier would have preferred that I gave him meat, she could see DS was thriving so was annoyed at the lack of respect and the interference when there was no need.

When my son was old enough relatives would offer him meat when we were out in front of us, sort of goading us and him and he would always refuse. He's 12 now and says he's happy that he was never given meat by us as he couldn't choose to un-eat it and an animal would have died. He did eat chocolate cookies with crickets in on a recent school trip after quizzing them about how they were killed. We have always been clear that he can absolutely choose to eat meat if he does want to be so far he really doesn't.

My advice OP is to reassure them that your child is getting all their nutrients (our doctor told us that veggie parents are often more informed than average about nutrition).

It's perfectly healthy and if my DS is anything to go by he's not been to the doctor in ten years. Had all his jabs but is literally never sick. Perfect school attendance record and he eats very well. Still a ton of things he won't eat, like many kids but we ensure he gets a healthy and balanced diet overall with plenty of veg and protein. DH is practically vegan now and I'd be happy to transition but DS has said that he wants to continue eating dairy and eggs and that's totally fine.

I am yet to see many children who eat a wide variety of veggies. As evinced by play dates, numerous threads and the existence of kids' menus.
And of course the UPF juggernaut.

You are aware that meat isn't just sausages, right?

I am vegan. I brought up 4 children as vegetarian years ago when everyone thought it was weird. They are still veggie as are their partners and children. My husband stopped eating meat years ago. My closest friends have turned vegetarian. They are all healthy. There is just no need for anyone to eat meat and I don't think it is healthy. Your child will do fine on a vegetarian diet. Do a little research to make sure all food groups are included which isn't difficult. I think it is strange how lots of people see eating meat as a normal diet. I feel I am the normal one and that having an animal killed so you can eat a bit of it's body when you don't have to is not normal. I'm sounding a bit like a preachy vegan here but I am really not. I go out with large groups of friends or work colleagues who eat meat and just do not discuss it, some of them would not even know that I am vegan. Only saying how I feel here as lots of posters seem to assume meat eating is the default diet. Some in laws just love to have a bit of control over anything and how you deal with that is down to your personality type. I told my inlaws not to give my kids any meat which they said they went along with but I'm not quite convinced that when I wasn't around they were fed some. I didn't make a fuss, equally if they went to a party and I wasn't around if they ate a chicken nugget or something I wouldn't stress about it but I would never have bought or cooked meat for them.

Plenty of vegan babies these days! I've known lots of vegan babies/pregnancies/adults who grew up and have been vegan since conception.