Family is against me for not feeding baby meat

[Foxtails]

Sorry if this has been brought up before, but could do with some advice please.

8 month old baby, stopped breastfeeding at 6 months. So far I have not fed anything with meat in it and do not plan to. I am vegetarian and have been for 8 years. DH is not veggie but does eat veggie meals in the house with me (his choice). For now, while my son has no way to make his own decisions, I won’t be feeding him meat. Once he is old enough to decide for himself, he can choose. We will always have vegetarian meals in the house but if he wants to eat it outside of the house that’s up to him and there will be no judgement from me.

It seems like absolutely none of my family members can accept this. My mum, dad, grandparents and also DHs parents have expressed to me how they think this is wrong. I have told them that as long as he is fed and is healthy then there really is no problem, and it’s up to me how I do this. It’s got to the point where it’s being brought up almost every time I see anyone because they are so so against it. I feel attacked. They are telling me not to force my views upon my child, but isn’t that what all parents do?! People parent their children how they think is best and in line with what they agree with. Everyone does this.

I am feeling upset and overwhelmed and feeling like i can’t go and see anyone without them starting this argument with me and I worry that they will feed him meat behind my back. Please could I have some advice on what to do and how to handle this? Has anyone been in this position?

I'd relax about it tbh. There are no vegetarian police. The odd nibble of meat won't harm and it can help ensure DC can digest meat if they choose to eat it later (I know someone raised veggie who can't digest meat even if she tries)

Veggie at home, tell them not to give meat but also calm down a bit.

You might also find meat is a compromise you need to make. I was veggie before dc, my eldest is so fussy that I couldn't face it now. She won't eat 'mixed up' things with a sauce or different foods combined. Won't eat egg or tofu. Won't eat most cooked veg. A veg diet would have involved piles of raw veg and the odd Linda McCartney sausage. Believe me, I've tried to shift these preference but they're bolted on.

You also get to school age when there are haribo being given out, parties with sausages all over the place etc. I just had a party where I had to battle with a child who is vegan but was determined he wanted the dairy and egg cake not the vegan one I provided.

Raise her veggie but chill out about it.

I have thought about it a lot. There was a lot of discussion about it even before I was pregnant because I wasn’t sure how I would handle it. I never want to put my baby in a potion where I am making them unhealthy! So I really looked into it before making this decision and I will be strict with making sure they get everything they need. If they end up being extremely fussy then I will also try fish or meat because I want them to eat and being healthy is the most important thing. I also do this for myself. I have been vegetarian for 8 years and I know what makes me feel good, what keeps me healthy etc. I don’t just eat veggie burgers every night. We make home cooked meals full of vegetables and protein etc.

But yes they are worried that DS won’t get the right nutrients and also that I am just being cruel by depriving him because they’re all such big meat eaters that they just can’t imagine not eating it. They think it’s strange and not normal.

This is exactly what my DS DIL. did with their eldest, I kept my opinion to myself but was worried, my DD is vegetarian as well as my DIL so I know for an adult is fine but i worried about a child. I carefully asked about vitamins one time when my DIL expressed concern to me about DGD health, she said she had her on basic ones but couldn’t afford any others. So I started buying good ones with all the iron etc needed, 7 years later I still buy all of them vitamins as money is tight for them still

anyway, my eldest DGD is still vegetarian, I do worry but she seems ok, my other 2 GC eat meat. All three are offered meat at every meal but eldest doesn’t like it. They started offering meat when the second child was about 18 months when she asked for some of her dads.

long and short, what you’re doing is fine, your child will get the chance to eat meat when older if wanted.

but - please keep an eye on diet, my eldest GD isn’t thriving as well is perfectly healthy, but small, but then her mother is petite so could be her build I don’t worry about her anymore, she eats healthy food.

also think about all those extras as he’s growing, will you let him eat food with animal additives? That was an issue with sweets as they grew. All 3 children eat any sweets now (gd doesn’t realise I think )

I am owning it…. I don’t get what you mean. How am I not owning it? lol. I want him to be vegetarian because i believe it’s the best thing for him and while I have control over what he eats, that’s what we will be doing. DH is onboard so he isn’t going to feed him chicken. You’re giving me random hypothetical scenarios that won’t happen because me and DH are on the same page. If we weren’t then I’d be making a totally different post because that would be a bigger issue

And she also says several times her husband agrees with the decision and is completely on board, but you’re ignoring those parts because you want to insinuate that OP is being controlling and unreasonable.

I’m in the same position as OP. My husband occasionally eats meat, but he’s completely supportive of our son not eating meat. He’s as invested in the decision as I am and has never remotely suggested that his preference would be for our son to eat meat. We have a very open and equal relationship where he would absolutely tell me if this was an issue for him. So it’s not remotely hard for me to believe that it’s the same for OP. Clearly you’re bringing your own experiences to hear on how you view OP’s position but it shouldn’t be impossible for you to accept that OP’s husband eats meat but also wholly embraces raising their son as a vegetarian.

This comes across a little like it is your choice and not DHs if you say “he’s on board” but that he can’t feed your child meat whilst he is out as he can’t make his own decisions yet-also he can’t make his own decision to not eat meat. Not that I think it’s a problem or anything as you can get protein from other sources but it comes across a little controlling if your DH cannot feed his own child what he wants to outside of your home. As PP said, you kind of are pushing him a certain way in the future by cutting out his culinary choices now; children tend to stick with what they know.

How are you going to frame it in the future? Are you going to lay it out in terms of nutrition choice or is it going to be meat is bad, it has a face, you don’t want to hurt baby lambs do you darling kind of way? One way is giving your child choices, the other is not.

Your decision is completely reasonable and imo you can be tougher. You are probably a nice person who doesn't want to confront your family (plus bored like most veggies of having to defend something that is nobody else's business and barely outside the norm these days). I'd fix them with a steely eye and tell them you find it extraordinary that they think it OK to criticise you repeatedly when there are zero issues with this. After that just tell them to talk to the hand. Some veggie kids start eating meat, some don't, who gives a shit!

These days kids can easily do play dates and nursery while being veggie. It's not like it used to be. Pizza, pasta, chips, cake, plenty of play date food can be veggie. Just not chicken nuggets.

oh come on I’ve already answered this. He can choose for himself! Right now he has no idea what meat is, where it comes from, and he cannot speak. Once he is old enough he will learn these things and can choose for himself what he wants to do. While he is a BABY, the parents are in control of what he eats. Not grandparents or aunties and uncles. I am saying “I” am in charge as in the parent, I am saying it because DH is onboard with this. If he wasn’t then idk what we would have done tbh but there’s no point in thinking about it because that isn’t the case

If he is getting dairy and plenty of protein then that doesn't sound like a problem. Crack on.

I was brought up vegetarian and now eat meat. It was an extremely bland diet of cheese, eggs, soya and overbooked veg. While freshly prepared vegetarian food can be delicious there is also a lot of highly processed 'meat free' rubbish of poor nutritional quality about. Given that it's recommended that children experience a range of flavours and textures, I would say there's an argument for letting go and having your child eat whatever is provided when visiting relatives or when in childcare.

It wasn’t an issue at all at our son’s nursery. They have a rotating fortnightly menu, and three days a week it’s automatically a vegetarian dish anyway. The other two days a week is a fish or meat dish and on those days they offer a veggie alternative (e.g. veggie sausages instead of pork, vegetarian hotpot etc). All breakfasts and snacks are automatically veggie all the time. They asked about his dietary needs on the application form and it wasn’t a drama.

We’ve also personally never had an issue at a kids party - there has always been some combination of pizza, cheese sandwiches, fruit and veg platters etc. I think a children’s party where there happened to be no veggie option at all would be unusual.

You say you are happy for him to make choices out of the house when he is older but also that you are worried about others feeding him meat. These things don't tally. Surely if someone else offers him meat and he takes it that is fine?

Fwiw I was veggie for many years and pretty repulsed by the idea of eating meat. I then developed a dairy intolerance and went back to eating meat as it was too restrictive to combine the two (this is long before there was a vegan option on pretty much every menu). I have to say I felt much better once I started eating meat again. I hadn't realised I felt sub par before, I guess because it had come on over many years. I got ill less too. So I would never want my child to be veggie. I wish it were not the case but I think our bodies are designed to subsist on an omnivorous diet.

@ChocolateTelephone
that’s definitely good to hear, my kids’ nursery would have been accommodating (just) but not quite so positive

Yeah I will be telling them that he is veggie and asking them not to feed him meat. However, if he is longingly looking over at his friends food and is curious and wants to try it, that’s fine. I wouldn’t just be like ok you’re 4 now, time to start eating meat. But if they are curious and want to try it then that’s fine. But for now we aren’t at that stage. Right now he is an 8 month old baby and at this stage in his life I don’t want him to be fed meat. And I would like advice on how to handle the comments from my family

I eat meat but still don't really understand this argument. How do you frame it to your kids?
I think it's more disingenuous to not remind kids that they are eating dead baby lambs or cows or whatever. And they should be shown exactly how they are killed so there are aware of what they are eating. Mine were all aware from a very young age of what they ate and how it got on their plate. One chose to be a veggie, 3 did not.

Oh god the protein myth
it's perfectly easy to get plenty of protein as a vegetarian. You don't even need to think about it, if you feed your child eggs, yoghurt and cheese. Add in beans, lentils etc and you're rolling in protein. The belief that you need to make a special effort to eat enough protein as a vegetarian is nonsense, I wish it would die. I've dieted and calorie counted many times in my life and looking at my macros I exceed my protein targets without trying, even as a vegan let alone vegetarian.

Just ignore, it's none of their business and as long as you've done your research and worked out how to make sure your son is getting adequate b12 and iron from other sources, it's not an issue at all. One of my children is vegetarian by choice since about 3. (we aren't veggie, she just decided she was, point blank refused any meat, and 8 years later is still completely vegetarian) I make sure she gets plenty of protein rich foods, and she takes iron and b12 supplements. We also got alot of negativity when she was younger, not so much now. What made me laugh was other parents asking me if I was worried she wasn't getting enough without meat, when the "meat" their fussier children were getting was mainly prosessed chicken nuggets, and ham sandwiches. Whereas my daughter would quite happily eat a plate of spinach and chickpea dhal, or a 5 bean chilli. I think it's obvious which meals were more nutrient dense, but some people are of the mindset that we NEED meat with every meal. We all eat alot of veggie dishes now, as I hate cooking seperate meals, and enjoy the variety and new recipes it's opened up to us. If we do a roast, dd will have everything but the meat, and will have a quorn fillet or something instead, so she's not missing out, and is happy in her choice. She's not a fussy child at all, there is just no way on earth she would willingly eat meat. These people were making out I should force feed her a hamburger, when she'd made it quite clear she was not happy to consume meat and her reasons why, at such a young age. It wasnt a choice I would have made for her, but she's suffered no ill affects from her decision.

I think its important for your co-parenting relationship that you understand you've made this decision and your husband has decided to go along with you. If he was raising a child alone, or with another person who ate meat, the idea of raising the child veggie wouldn't have even been on his mind.

It's important to realise that because you need to understand that your husband can't just feed his kid what he wants. He doesn't actually have autonomy over his kid's diet. He's committed to raising your son veggie in accordance with your wishes. It isn't a joint decision. It's him agreeing to do it your way.

And that's fine, but different from say two parents who both independently agree that homeschooling is best making a decision to homeschool their children. Something they both bring up as a "must" when they start planning kid's. It's more like someone who is dubious of homeschooling goes with the pro-homeschooling parent because someone has to change their stance for it to be a workable situation. You can't be arguing every day about the issue. One if you has to relent.

Yeah, we maybe got lucky! It’s a forest school and very eco-conscious so they’re probably quite pro reducing meat consumption anyway.

Well yes. An ethical vegetarian will hope their child chooses not to eat meat when they are older. That's part of teaching your child your ethical value system. There is nothing wrong with that.

We manage to get protein without eating fake meat or any UPF. Tim Spector is on record saying he wishes his parents had fed him less meat and more lentils

human being evolved eating meat. Take the hint and let your child decide for themselves when they are old enough to make informed decisions.

I'd agree with this. By all means don't feed your child meat, but if his other parent were to want to that's ok too.

Rubbish