Family is against me for not feeding baby meat

[Foxtails]

Sorry if this has been brought up before, but could do with some advice please.

8 month old baby, stopped breastfeeding at 6 months. So far I have not fed anything with meat in it and do not plan to. I am vegetarian and have been for 8 years. DH is not veggie but does eat veggie meals in the house with me (his choice). For now, while my son has no way to make his own decisions, I won’t be feeding him meat. Once he is old enough to decide for himself, he can choose. We will always have vegetarian meals in the house but if he wants to eat it outside of the house that’s up to him and there will be no judgement from me.

It seems like absolutely none of my family members can accept this. My mum, dad, grandparents and also DHs parents have expressed to me how they think this is wrong. I have told them that as long as he is fed and is healthy then there really is no problem, and it’s up to me how I do this. It’s got to the point where it’s being brought up almost every time I see anyone because they are so so against it. I feel attacked. They are telling me not to force my views upon my child, but isn’t that what all parents do?! People parent their children how they think is best and in line with what they agree with. Everyone does this.

I am feeling upset and overwhelmed and feeling like i can’t go and see anyone without them starting this argument with me and I worry that they will feed him meat behind my back. Please could I have some advice on what to do and how to handle this? Has anyone been in this position?

Tell them that you are forbidding meat because you don't want him to develop a taste for it if you can help it. Hubby says the same and explains to his family why he thinks it's a good or at least unharmful idea. In his own words.

If these things are truthful, then that's what you should say. I have a friend from Pakistan married to a guy who isn't Muslim. 3 kids. They all know they're not allowed to bring pork in her house so don't feel like you've even got to budge on that

MY DH DOESNT WANT TO FEED OUR CHILD MEAT!!!! How often do I need to say this?

Please tell me where in my post have I even mentioned this being a battle between me and DH?! I am asking about our family, it is my parents and in laws that are fighting us on this. It is a joint decision with me and DH. When I say “I make the decision” what I mean me me vs my parents. Not me vs DH. Of course it is a joint decision, I have said that numerous times now. There is NO situation where DH wants to feed my son chicken and I won’t let him. He doesn’t want to feed him meat. Can we move on from that now and actually discuss what I am asking instead of making stuff up?

So they think not feeding your child meat is "cruel and extreme". I'd be shamelessly LOL-ing at that! Have you asked them what they make of animals being raised in horrible conditions, abused and killed for their meat?
I think you need to set your boundaries OP. Tell them this isn't up for discussion and they need to respect your parental choices. Rinse and repeat this, or distance yourself until they learn to be respectful.

Its so true that people have no issues with kids subsisting mostly on processed shite- nuggets, sausages, burgers, chips- but think a veggie diet lacks nutrition!

I think babies should have access to a variety of food as early as possible amd that includes meat. They can't really male a meaningful choice if they've never had it can they?

They are being ridiculous, parents generally bring their children up according to their own values. Forcing your views on him would be when he is old enough to make an informed choice still banning him from eating meat/making him go to mass or whatever.

By their own logic, presumably they forced meat eating values on you?

Vegetarian diet is fine for kids as long as they get enough nutrients from other foods. Also as you say you're happy for him to choose when he's older so you're not really forcing your beliefs on him.
I have a few friends who have brought up their kids vegetarian. It's not an issue.

We have had a bit of this with our kids, mostly from my DF but also to a lesser extent from some other relatives. Our eldest (of 3) is 6 and we still sometimes get comments, particularly from DF. I'm confident though that nobody would try to give them something unsuitable for vegetarians behind our backs, they just wouldn't. Even though they don't agree they wouldn't undermine us/our trust in that way. If I was concerned about that I wouldn't leave my kids with them frankly.

DH and I are both vegetarian, me for well over a decade so raising our kids vegetarian is natural for us. The baby isn't weaned yet, but the older two (6 and 3) have always been growing fine, although eldest did have an iron deficiency for a short period about a year ago and was taking a strong prescription supplement for a few months. Of course most people with iron deficiencies are not vegetarian and shes not the best eater sadly. We give both of them an over the counter supplement since then though too just as an extra precaution.

The kids eat a lot of egg, dairy, pulses and nuts.

In my antenatal group I was the only vegetarian. It was thirty+ years ago, so much harder to eat well (pulses, beans etc) than it is now. Despite that, of the thirty-seven mothers in the obstetrician’s clinic, I was the only one who did not need supplementary iron. All the others were meat-eaters.

The health argument is spurious OP. Provided that you know what you’re doing with his diet, your son will be a very healthy boy.

I agree with this. My kids get meat have since 6months

So long as your baby has a balanced diet and you have researched appropriate meals, I see no problem with what you are doing. Tell your family, your baby, your choice.

Reading some of these responses, I don’t understand how it isn’t clear that the issue with others feeding meat behind her back isn’t about the meat itself but the disrespect and crossing of boundaries!! It’s the on the same lines as a grandparent trying to sneak formula in behind a Mums back because they think it’s better than breastfeeding and don’t agree with her choices.

I don’t see how that doesn’t tally. Right now, as a little baby, he does not have a say. Therefore, the parents have to decide these things for him. We decide based on what we think is the healthiest way. We will act in a way that aligns with our beliefs, and expect other people to respect our wishes. When he is older, he can make his own choices because I don’t own him and his body, he is his own person who can decide things for himself. A situation where he can’t speak or comprehend what he is eating and make those decisions, we will be deciding for him and I won’t be happy with any member of my family going against what I believe is best for my own child. When he is older is a totally different situation. We aren’t there yet. This post isn’t about the future, it’s about now.

We had it recently with my four year old. He had seen kids at his nursery eating fish fingers and was asking about them because he said they looked tasty. I asked if he wanted to try them, he said yes, I bought some and put them on his plate. He asked if they were really made of fish. I said yes. He said he didn’t want them. I said it was up to him. He didn’t eat them. I asked him a few days later if he wanted to try again, he said no.

A relative of mine has asked him a couple of times if he wants to try meat from his plate, he’s said no each time.

If he changes his mind and asks to eat meat in the future, he can. Now that he’s four I think he’s old enough to decide.

And while I agree saying ‘you don’t want to hurt baby lambs do you’ is manipulative and inappropriate, I think it’s also manipulative and weird not to tell your children truthfully that meat is dead animals. You can express that in a neutral, non-sensational and factual way but I’ve seen parents lie to their children about it (my own aunt told her children the chicken she was serving up as a Sunday roast was something completely different that just happened to share a name with the family’s beloved pet chickens scratching around the garden) and I think that’s equally manipulative and inappropriate.

It's not the same at all.

From an ethical point of view, veganism - including eschewing leather etc is a much more consistent position. Unfortunately that is rather more challenging in terms of ensuring dietary needs are met. The reliance on imported foodstuffs - avocado, almond milk etc - also has significant environmental implications.

By all means, don't give your baby meet at home. But I would suggest trying to relax a bit. That might make wider family relationships a bit easier. (People matter too. It's not all about lovely animals.)

Yep I totally agree with you. It annoys me that people are so offended by healthy vegetarian children, but noone bats an eye if the only meat a child eats is processed and breaded. I started my baby veggie but I did also add oily fish once a week. I think as long as you are doing eggs daily it's fine.

I don't know, but that's how I reacted to meat from about 1983 onwards, as my meat eating, cheffy family lovingly put bits of beouf bouguignonne or similar on my plate, so it doesn't surprise me in the least.

Meat might appeal to you, to me it is fibrous, chewy and dry, no matter how well it is cooked.

Yes and we all hope that our kids follow in our best steps in some sense. However, we have to be conscious and open about when we are guiding them towards a certain way instead of pretending we aren't that bothered about it. OP was deluding herself initially that her husband has the opportunity to give him some meat right now if he wished to. But that isn't the case, she's got her husband to commit to also raising him meat free. So they're purposely stopping him from trying any meat. They aren't just not offering it.

Thats ridiculous, my kid is a committed carnivore and at 8 months she had eaten eggs and some salmon (I think). Maybe you could sit down and have a serious chat with them and ask them to show you the science on this.

Not all vegetarians are healthy though. 🫣

Definitely not. Just like not all meat eaters are, given the obesity rate.

So your meat eating DH would raise any baby of his vegetarian? Or he agreed that your joint baby could be raised veggie in accordance with your lifestyle?

Meat can be soft and moist too.
I say that as someone who doesn't eat much meat. Also, if you don't expose a child to flavours and textures then you're quite probably increasing the chance of them needlessly rejecting these flavours and textures.

I've met obese vegetarians.