Family is against me for not feeding baby meat

[Foxtails]

Sorry if this has been brought up before, but could do with some advice please.

8 month old baby, stopped breastfeeding at 6 months. So far I have not fed anything with meat in it and do not plan to. I am vegetarian and have been for 8 years. DH is not veggie but does eat veggie meals in the house with me (his choice). For now, while my son has no way to make his own decisions, I won’t be feeding him meat. Once he is old enough to decide for himself, he can choose. We will always have vegetarian meals in the house but if he wants to eat it outside of the house that’s up to him and there will be no judgement from me.

It seems like absolutely none of my family members can accept this. My mum, dad, grandparents and also DHs parents have expressed to me how they think this is wrong. I have told them that as long as he is fed and is healthy then there really is no problem, and it’s up to me how I do this. It’s got to the point where it’s being brought up almost every time I see anyone because they are so so against it. I feel attacked. They are telling me not to force my views upon my child, but isn’t that what all parents do?! People parent their children how they think is best and in line with what they agree with. Everyone does this.

I am feeling upset and overwhelmed and feeling like i can’t go and see anyone without them starting this argument with me and I worry that they will feed him meat behind my back. Please could I have some advice on what to do and how to handle this? Has anyone been in this position?

I'm veggie. Dh is not. Kids were veggie until they went to school, discovered school dinners and became committed carnivores.

I guess one thing to think about is whether you definitely want them to be veggie or whether them not eating meat is about you not wanting to cook or handle meat.

I think they're overstepping if they think it's any of their business.

But since you've asked, I think you're being a touch unreasonable if you're saying you won't allow him to have any meat until he's old enough to decide - does that mean if he was out with his dad for the day, you'd insist on his dad (who would maybe be eating meat that day as he's out of the house) not feeding him any?
You don't eat meat at all, and don't have it in the house, so it's totally reasonable of you to just continue with this diet when you're feeding him. I'd also argue it's reasonable for his dad to continue his normal diet with your child as well, on the occasions they are eating together out of the house. I don't necessarily even mean now, I mean for example in a few years where he's still too young to make any ethical decisions around meat eating, but maybe he goes out and has pizza with his dad.
But if your DH is on board then that doesn't really matter.

This is a bit of a leap. It’s very normal for parents to want and expect people to follow their rules about their children. If a parent made a decision not to give their baby sugar before 1 year old and were worried a relative would do it behind their back would you accuse them of being worried about their baby being contaminated?

Parents are allowed to have reasonable rules for their babies and expect those to be followed by the people looking after them.

Also, if he is getting eggs cheese and milk - all great sources of protein and calcium, and he enjoys all of this then there really is no issue!

I had a friend once - her son was allergic to eggs and dairy and she was veggie. She ended up feeding him a ‘vegan’ diet of waffles and beans mostly. That was her choice, but in her position I would have at least given him fish and meat occasionally. Having said that, I might be talking out my arse as he is grown up now and appears pretty healthy to me!

Meat eaters always seem to worry that vegetarian children will have a nutritionally poor diet and are desperate for them to take vitamins and have a closely monitored protein intake, but no one seems to care if a child is eating nothing but chicken nuggets and sausages, other than suggesting putting puréed vegetables into their pasta sauce.

Stick to your guns!

I'd go for letting the child try meat, and then allow them to make dietary choices when they are older. I say that as someone who eats very little meat as an adult.
It's not up to anyone other than the parents though, unless there were actual genuine concerns of neglect.

OP wants her child to be vegetarian. As her baby's parent, she has the right to make that decision on his behalf. Her husband agrees with her. She is happy for her child to choose to eat meat when he is old enough to make that decision for himself. At the moment, her baby can't make any decisions and the grandparents should go along with the parents' wishes.

A baby doesn't need to develop culinary knowledge of meat.

On what you have said it is difficult to judge. Vegetarian diets can be okay for a baby so long as you are aware of the nutrients that are harder to come by via a vegetarian diet and carefully plan so that your baby gets the correct nutrients. Is that what your family is concerned about? You don't mention ensuring your baby gets a suitable vegetarian diet. Is that because it stands to reason or because have you not really thought about it? If you are just insisting that a vegetarian diet is okay for babies without acknowledging that without thought it could be problematic may do little to reassure them. Or is their issue because they are die hard meat fans and think that everyone should eat meat.

So if his father has him on his lap (say you aren't there for ease), he coukd easily decide to give him a bit of chicken as his parent... right? Or are you saying you control his diet and set the rules?

Because otherwise dad could give him some meat in front of you, too.

It feels like you want to push your son towards vegetarianism but don't want to admit you are because you think it's a bit wrong to do it. It isn't wrong. We all push our kids into our lifestyles to some extent. Just own it. You want your son to be a vegetarian because you think it's better for him and the world. It probably is. Just own it.

Yes, why on earth does a baby need to develop culinary knowledge of meat? If I had done that, my DC would have demanded meat at every meal. No way.

Another who was with you till this 'I am in control' so not equal parenting?
If at 6 he tries meat at school or with dad/friend and likes it, will you still not allow it at home?

What a ridiculous comment! Why would the baby react like that??
more likely find it yummy😀

I agree she wants that but she's pretending that she wouldn't ultimately prefer it. She's forbidden him from having meat it sounds like and that's fine.

OP has made it clear her husband is on board with this decision so why all the weird insinuations that it’s about control and unequal parenting?

Which is fine as a parenting decision but undeniably because you don't want your child to develop a taste/liking for years as you want them to be veggie/vegan. The only problem is being in denial about it.

As parents we all make decisions for our children and are in control of them. We all rear them in a particular religion, dress them a certain way, buy them certain toys... Nothing wrong with any of that but meat apparently is a sacred cow!

@ByGentleFatball yes I definitely wanted my kids to be veggie or at least mostly veggie. I believe it's a better way of living.

Because she should know that it's a decision she's made and he goes along with. I suspect that if he felt differently and tried to give him meat on his own watch, then we would hear that actually the OP has made a unilateral decision that he won't be eating meat at all. It's just fortunate that hubby agrees.

Btw once they have learnt what it
means to be veggie it’s straightforward for kids but I do think there will be an awkward stage when they are 1-4 and go to nursery and kids parties, friends houses etc and not allowed to eat what other people are eating. I’m sure they will accomodate it, but I don’t know how well nurseries etc cater to vegetarian kids. Some other parents roll their eyes too.

Depriving your dc of eating an animal? As you were op. They are nuts. I raised 11 dc without eating meat. At secondary school they chose themselves. Most still don't eat it. The rest if you count a McDonald's burger meat (!) ..... chose fast food....

Because she doesn't say 'joint decisions' she several times states 'I am in control' 'I am in control of the choices'?

What a silly comment 🤣🤣 I bet the baby love it!

Loved*

Are they quite uneducated about a vegetarian diet and are assuming he's missing out on all the food groups and nutrients etc?

Your own household set-up is exactly like ours, but my own parents are also vegetarian so I am second-generation and they found it normal for the baby not to eat meat.
I therefore can't help with the convincing issue, but I will say my son is currently 10 and of standard height, energy, health etc compared to his peers - and not the only vegetarian around of his age (we have met three or four other families with similar children who have never eaten meat when catering at parties, scout camps etc).

How old is old enough to choose? When they go to school at 4 will you be telling the school they are veggie or will they be able to opt for cottage pie if they see their friends eating it and they fancy trying it?