Family is against me for not feeding baby meat

[Foxtails]

Sorry if this has been brought up before, but could do with some advice please.

8 month old baby, stopped breastfeeding at 6 months. So far I have not fed anything with meat in it and do not plan to. I am vegetarian and have been for 8 years. DH is not veggie but does eat veggie meals in the house with me (his choice). For now, while my son has no way to make his own decisions, I won’t be feeding him meat. Once he is old enough to decide for himself, he can choose. We will always have vegetarian meals in the house but if he wants to eat it outside of the house that’s up to him and there will be no judgement from me.

It seems like absolutely none of my family members can accept this. My mum, dad, grandparents and also DHs parents have expressed to me how they think this is wrong. I have told them that as long as he is fed and is healthy then there really is no problem, and it’s up to me how I do this. It’s got to the point where it’s being brought up almost every time I see anyone because they are so so against it. I feel attacked. They are telling me not to force my views upon my child, but isn’t that what all parents do?! People parent their children how they think is best and in line with what they agree with. Everyone does this.

I am feeling upset and overwhelmed and feeling like i can’t go and see anyone without them starting this argument with me and I worry that they will feed him meat behind my back. Please could I have some advice on what to do and how to handle this? Has anyone been in this position?

It’s about respecting parents wishes until baby can make their own choices! Surely you can see that.

It’s the same as saying “no screen time for baby” and if someone then did screen time with baby that would be disrespectful. Not hard to understand.

Ah well, I know quite a few.
TBH, while I encourage children to try foods, I won't force them to eat things they've tried and disliked more than once. I love most veggies but if anyone tries to feed me aubergine I'll refuse every time. 🤢🤢🤢

If you do this, I would enlist a nutritionist that specializes in this area. Growth during this time is very important and you need the right fat/protein combinations. Also, iron very important and dairy stops the body from absorbing it.

I would not make a baby child vegeterian. I would give them the option when they are done growing at 14/15 years old......

I’m vegan and kids dad is veggie. We feed the kids a veggie diet and they eat a great range of stuff with more than enough protein. Everyone makes choices for their children, vegetarianism is just as valid choice as meat eating. So far neither of ours are interested in eating meat but if they decide to at a later date it is up to them. Our household is meat free though.

Nursery even a few years back had no issue accommodating a veggie diet btw.

Yanbu. I’m a meat eater but provided your child is getting sufficient nutrition then carry on. Every time a family member gets on your case about it, shut them down immediately- “not this again, l’m changing the subject” just don’t enter into discussion.

Its reasonable for a parent to make a decision to exclude a food on ethical or moral grounds. Are you depriving your child from an important culinary experience by not giving them foie gras if you think foie gras is cruel? What about if you don’t feed them horse meat?

If you’re supportive of parents choosing not to feed their kids those foods on ethical grounds, then you can presumably see the basis on which parents choose to feed no meat on ethical grounds.

Ignore them OP, and anyone else. My DS has been a vegetarian since birth and is now a huge and healthy teenager. No wasting away without meat funnily enough. People who think no one can survive without meat are ridiculous.
You family are entitled to their opinions but unless they’re the ones making the food for your child day after day then they have no say in what you feed your child.

You want to impose your beliefs on your child, it always happens with parents but it’s still not always great, you want to create taboos and beliefs in your child life and diet (because he won’t have the intellectual skills to understand vegetarianism at his age), that is not good.

Learn to give him agency rather than create your meat free mini me. Learn to stay neutral, keep cooking vegetarian for him but if he happens to eat some meat outside, with relatives, let him. Don’t forbid him to try meat, don’t judge him if he does, don’t blackmail him with your preferences, let your own beliefs take a step back and let him be him.

As long as the baby is getting adequate nutrition, it is not your family's business OP. Tell them that the topic is no longer open to discussion, and if they bring it up, just say, I'm not discussing it, have a nice rest of the day, and switch the conversation and leave.

It's the parent's ethics, not the child's ethics.

Frankly your family need to be told firmly not to impose THEIR views on you and your child, and start stepping back, pointing out that their behaviour is upsetting you so much that you don't want to see them.

At 8 months old, your baby won't really be up for meat anyway - it's a tricky texture. My two didn't really get into until 2 or so. My friend raised her boys veggie, as she has been so all her life and she doesn't even know how to cook meat. Her DH eats meat, and on starting school, so did her eldest son (who is now full on carnivorous!). Choices are made as and when they are capable, and in the meantime eating healthy meals alongside their parents is very important IMO. I'm sure your vegetarian meals are far healthier than chicken nuggets and chips...

Great reply!

OP, you will continue to be called controlling and cruel on this thread. My advice is to ask your doctor or pediatrician and get their all clear to convince your parents.
Having said that, I dont think you should take drastic measures like reducing contact or going NC.

People are so weird when it comes to meat and children's diet. Just look at the poll on this thread!

We are weaning and our DC eats the same stuff as us, that is completely normal OP.

People will argue that you aren't exposing your child to different foods or that they can't be healthy. But you never hear them say it for other types of food. I know plenty of families that don't eat fish, spicy foods, rice, fermented foods etc but that is seen as completely normal.

Presumably so too then is my Hindu friends who are raising pure vegetarian children, having themselves been raised vegetarian from birth.

Do you also have a problem with that?

@Foxtails hogs on the massive derailing of your thread.

dear family, you’ve made your feeelings clear as have we - his actual parents. You are making catching up an unpleasant experience by continuing with your objections and I feel that I’d rather not be around continued complaints. Please respect our decision and let’s continue enjoying each others company.

they can happily whinge about this and future parenting decisions in private but no negativity or continuous whinging to you both.

That’s what she said she would be doing. Read the thread.

I have a lot of veggie friends and they’ve never raised their children to be vegetarians because they worried about their protein and iron needs growing up. They let their children make a choice as they got older. Only one has chosen to be veggie. The rest enjoy meat.

ultimately OP naturally we are omnivores and really people expect you feed your child an omnivore diet until he can choose for himself, rather than having your wishes put upon him.

but you don’t want to hear that, and you want him to be veggie. Die on that hill. It is your child, your choice.

p.s you can ensure the iron and protein needs are met by not stuffing him full of quorn crap. You know this already, so I’m sure you have good ammo for telling them to butt out.

Jesus h Christ. Vegetarian babies don't need nutritionists 😆

We were both vegetarian when we had our children, (I’ve since become vegan) so we raised our children as vegetarian.

My partners family made a big fuss about it and also tried to tell me to eat meat when I was pregnant. 🤪 Their diet is appalling and most of them are overweight and unhealthy so I found it ridiculous that they would comment on our children's well planned out and healthy vegetarian diet. Even if they had eaten healthily, it would still have been none of their business.

Our children are adults and teens now,, they’re all healthy, one has remained vegetarian, two have chosen to be vegan. All are very glad they’ve never eaten animals.

We all make choices for our children when they’re young, your family had their turn with their own children, now it’s your turn. I’d have one serious conversation with them and tell them to back off and if they don’t respect your decision, then see less of them.

Actually, it's probably controversial to some, but I believe children should be exposed to as many religious systems as possible (including atheism), then allowed to choose what to follow, of any.

Eh?
I have.

I find it weird that eating meat is the default diet

Babies don’t have their own ethics. Every child in the world is raised by parents imparting their own ethical beliefs onto them. Parents who give their children meat are raising them in accordance with their ethical belief that it’s ok to eat meat. That is exactly the same as parents not giving their child meat because of their ethical belief that it’s better not to eat meat.

As they get older children develop their own ethical beliefs which might be different from their parents. That’s fine and normal. It’s why I won’t object to my son now eating meat if he wants to. But OP’s child is a baby. He doesn’t have his own ethical beliefs. It’s absolutely right and normal that OP raises him in accordance with her own ethics. There is no way to raise a child in an ethical vacuum until they’re old enough to form their own views.

Yes he would. Before he met me he wouldn’t have done. But now he would. He keeps trying to be vegetarian himself but can’t seem to help himself when it comes to fish and some meat dishes when he’s in restaurants. If my DH says he wants our child to be veggie then what’s the problem? He is a big grown man, if he has a problem with it he can tell me. It doesn’t even matter if he would bring a different baby up veggie does it? Because we aren’t in that situation. It’s completely fictional. Made up by you for no reason. Right now, with THIS baby, in THIS relationship, he would like our child to be vegetarian.

Could I please ask you why you are focused on this rather than the actual real dilemma that I have asked for advice on?