to think boarding schools are no longer ok...

[BaklavaRocks]

Inspired by another thread, and some old YouTube documentaries I've recently watched, I can't help but feel boarding schools for under 13's (i.e. boarding prep schools) have had their time.

Maybe they used to be an acceptable option, but with all the research we now have available, showing the damage done by separation of young children from their parents, do you think boarding for v young kids (8/9/10/11) will eventually be banned except in v exceptional circumstances?

And if our politicians including past PMs like Johnson and Cameron were not a product of boarding schools, do you think they'd have more compassion and be less cut off from emotion and feelings? and better able to relate to us common folk?

Here's one of the YouTube docs I recently watched

Charles Spencer's book is pretty explicit and shocking about the effect of boarding school on him and his peers. He says that the country would be a very different place had a succession of boarding school boys not been running the country.

and another that I found interesting which relates to politicians..

Sorry, I'll try again

I have no experience with boarding schools. I've often prayed I'd have the money to send my 6 yr old when she's being a nightmare, joking obviously.

They dint sit right with me. I don't know how parents could send their kids off for weeks at a time barring weekends? Just seems to me the parents can't be arsed with their own kids.

I'd also worry there is no influence from home in this day and age. God only knows what they're teaching them.

Thanks, yeah I might watch that. I agree that the country has been hugely influenced by boarding school graduates, many of whom (obvs. not all, but many) have attachment difficulties and problems with emotion recognition and empathy.

I wonder how the parents feel too, sending their little ones away. I look at my own children's and I just think they need me so much.

I'd hate to think of a child age 8 or 9 feeling poorly away from home, or not having their mum or dad read with them at night etc... makes me so sad!

My DH went to boarding school many years ago, when it was much more spartan and strict than it is today

He absolutely loved it and I wouldn't recognise him from your descriptions above.

But I do agree younger than secondary age is absolutely wrong

I couldn't agree more. Boarding has changed a great deal - pastoral care has improved immensely and children's needs are better understood, contact with families is better etc...but it is not and can never be enough. Children need to be brought up by people who love them. School staff, however well-trained and pleasant, are not parents and they do not love your child. Touch starvation is very common in boarding schools and it does lifelong psychological damage.

You will get plenty of pushback from parents who insist their children are blissfully happy at boarding school. But in my experience, the children who "loved it" are the ones who show serious emotional deficits in later life. Growing up in institutional care should never be seen as a positive choice.

I find the idea of boarding schools really difficult at any age. Maybe sixth form would be ok? It’s just something I could never imagine doing. Even if I won the Euro millions I just couldn’t do it. I know some people have little choice e.g parents working away/forces etc. But I couldn’t imagine not seeing my dc, even when they’re driving me mad. I’d want them home in their own beds. Just my personal view, I know others will be all for them.

That's good to hear :) did he go off at age 8? Or was he a bit older? (I can see that my teen might enjoy it at age 16. He'd have survived it and might even have liked it at age 13. He'd have been waaaaay too young at 8! My youngest would never like it, even at 16!)

We’ve all had times when we’ve longed to offload our kids I’m sure. But actually doing it is another matter.

Rachel Johnson said she sent her children to boarding school because raising children was too important a matter to be left to amateurs. Says it all about a certain class of person really.

I think this is kind of my feeling too..

I agree with you, but you will get rich and privileged people coming along telling you they had no choice because of their jobs / it was better for the children to be settled / blah blah. All a complete load of self justification and bullshit. No one HAS to send their child to boarding school (except in very extreme circumstances relating to disabilities - for example a child with severe sen who is violent towards their younger siblings etc, I know of a few families where this is their situation and that is hugely different, I’m taking special needs residential schools etc). But people sending their kids off to board because it suits them is selfish.

I loved boarding but didn't go until seniors. Desperately wanted to
go younger but we couldn't afford it and it wasn't necessary.

i couldn't send mine, I'd miss them way too much.

Have been a nanny for 15 years and in that time, two of my charges have been sent to BS when they reached secondary school age and one boy was just 8. One even went to a school in another country. The parents just praised the prestige of the school and spoke about the opportunities they’d have once there but never voiced to me any concern about the emotional effect it might have on them.

I even accompanied them on a couple of visits to some and yes the facilities were amazing, the staff very dedicated but I felt so desperately sad to think of them in their little dorm beds at night so far from home.

I have my own boy now and I can’t imagine sending him away and not having any input in his day to day life. No money in the world would make me do it.

DD is day pupil at a boarding school in Yr 8. She has many friends who are boarders and would love to board but we can't afford it plus I would miss her too much. I am not convinced about boarding at prep ages but for Yrs 9 through to 13 I can see the benefit. The majority of boarders are military or where parents work overseas plus some disabled parents.
Schools are very different to how they were even 20 years ago and pastoral care is excellent however I could never let my child go but i don't judge those who do.

I feel like it depends on the kid. Many love it. I guess they’d be getting such a high quality of education that it’s probably a decision best weighed up overall. Some of the most well adjusted adults I know are ex boarders. Equally some despise it and that’s very sad.

The issue that bothers me more and I think future generations will look back in horror about is 9-6 childcare for babies from 12 months meaning they only see parents at weekends. And I speak as someone who can’t afford to be a SAHM. I think it’s pretty horrific to separate babies and toddlers from their parents and we’re the first generation who can’t afford to stay at home really (obviously people have always done this but nowadays most of use nursery) We don’t yet know the consequences of this and it’s taboo to discuss. I have never spoken of this to anyone other than my husband. Boarding schools seem to be fair game in a way nurseries are not.

DD is day pupil at a boarding school in Yr 8. She has many friends who are boarders and would love to board but we can't afford it plus I would miss her too much. I am not convinced about boarding at prep ages but for Yrs 9 through to 13 I can see the benefit. The majority of boarders are military or where parents work overseas plus some disabled parents.
Schools are very different to how they were even 20 years ago and pastoral care is excellent however I could never let my child go but i don't judge those who do.

I think weekly boarding from age 11 or so is absolutely fine. I went to boarding school at 11 and had the time of my life, but I was able to see my family at weekends which is important imo. Before secondary age I wouldn't do personally but in some circumstances it is necessary and preferable to repeatedly moving schools.

Boarding School is absolutely disgusting. If your child craves it, it's because their home life is shit.

Rachel Johnson got bundled off at 8 to the same abusive prep school as Boris, a school that didn't even take girls, because Stanley Johnson persuaded the headmaster to take them as a package deal. Stanley didn't even bother to visit the place first, he said there was no need as they had a perfectly good record of getting boys into Eton. That school is now closed after multiple sexual abuse scandals, not to mention beating the kids with golf clubs. I think it's both desperately sad and depressingly unsurprising that Rachel has chosen to send her own children away.

I felt so desperately sad to think of them in their little dorm beds at night so far from home.

That's it isn't it. I mean, that parental.pull to want to be with them, protect them etc... poor little things without mummy or daddy. Just makes me feel so sad too :( I do get that sometimes people have no choice / feel they have no choice. But when there is choice. I struggle to understand why you would pick boarding over day pupil..

I agree that full time childcare for babies and very small children is a weird blind spot we (as a society) have, particularly how up in arms people are about boarding school. But I suspect it's one of those issues that is too big to blow up because of the ramifications.