to think boarding schools are no longer ok...

[BaklavaRocks]

Inspired by another thread, and some old YouTube documentaries I've recently watched, I can't help but feel boarding schools for under 13's (i.e. boarding prep schools) have had their time.

Maybe they used to be an acceptable option, but with all the research we now have available, showing the damage done by separation of young children from their parents, do you think boarding for v young kids (8/9/10/11) will eventually be banned except in v exceptional circumstances?

And if our politicians including past PMs like Johnson and Cameron were not a product of boarding schools, do you think they'd have more compassion and be less cut off from emotion and feelings? and better able to relate to us common folk?

Flexi boarding is what the majority of boarders do outside of the big public schools eg Eton et al

Thanks @BaklavaRocks. It is something that I struggle to make my peace with - I have a very good relationship with my parents but this is the elephant in the room. I think they do feel guilty but won't ever admit it. As my DC have grown older, I find it harder to understand. Sometimes when DS is acting up DM will quip 'and that's why we sent DB to boarding school!' I've had to push back a bit because it isn't funny at all.

If 18 is the average age for a child to leave home then you have such a short amount of time with them, why would you curtail this?? Plenty of good schools to choose from that don't require boarding!

They're not a good system.

And it leads to a lot of the students that go there to have issues with forming close relationships.

I don't see a problem with it. State schools turn out far more fucked up individuals than boarding schools do.

Thanks @RhaenysRocks

What is your connection to boarding schools? Are you a parent or teacher?

I don't really have a problem with boarding 13-18 if it's the child's choice. It may give some children access to opportunities they otherwise wouldn't have, and the half-terms, long holidays and exeats mean that the children spend almost as much time at home then they do at school. Many parents will drop in to support their children for Saturday matches and other school events as well.

In terms of younger kids, I think flexi-boarding from maybe 10 or 11 is probably ok in terms of promoting organisational skills and independence (and a bit like a sleepover), but as for sending 7-8 year old off for the term with a trunk and tuck box, I'd hope those days are past for most parents.

I do think boarding as a concept is a bit odd, but I also find the zero tolerance, treat children as criminals approach that presently applies in a lot of secondaries odd too. Both seem a bit counter-intuitive in terms of raising happy, secure, non-anxious children.

Did anyone watch "Britain's youngest boarders".

The girls were constantly crying to go home.

My DH boarded from age 10 or so. He says what a great time he had and would see his education as excellent.

I see the many many ways in which he is emotionally damaged. He doesn’t want to dig into it, I don’t push it, but I’m very aware of it and make sure I counter it in our joint parenting of our children. Who do not go to boarding school.

Thanks BigHoops

DC are good at keeping secrets

If they say anything to a teacher they know life could be 10 X worse for them

They're not stupid

All this you can come to us if you need to talk just doesn't cut it at some schools, most schools actually

i know two people who went to a boarding school and were insanely happy and countless others who said it broke them. Personally, I wouldn’t risk it. A child’s place is in their home. A boarding school sounds like something from Oliver Twist in my opinion.

@OonaStubbs I went to (a very large and under performing) state school, DB went to boarding school. Who do you think performed better academically and went on to HE?

Fair enough if you feel your child would perform better in the private school.system but there are many day schools to choose from without sending your child away.

I was desperate to go to boarding school but my parents could never have afforded it.

There was an awful documentary about Norland nannies - at the time they had a hotel for babies and younger children.
There was a 2nd birthday party for a child whose parents were away on business, one of the nannies was in tears - she'd helped host the 1st birthday as well.

Earlier I was chatting to someone about Old Etonians in film:

Damian Lewis
Hugh Laurie
Eddie Redmayne
Tom Hiddleston
Dominic West

is there something that early abandonment helps with?

People forget that DC can perceive the most horrendous behaviour towards them as completely normal because that's all they know

So to them they're fine when to us it's barbaric

@BaklavaRocks I'm both. Mine don't board because my circumstances don't require it. I will absolutely agree that it's not for everyone and isn't usually 'better" than home, but I do also have experience of children who board due to very fragmented home situations and find more stability and guidance there than they otherwise would.

Remember boarding from 11 is still normal in remote places, these are state boarding of course and weekly rather than termly. I certainly don't think under 11's should be boarding without exceptional circumstances but from 11 plenty of children board just fine

Lots if boarding schools will be fine

Others not

I went to boarding school! From age 10-16. I absolutely loved it. I'm in my 40s and the girls I was at boarding school with are like my family. Honestly, it was a sleepover with my best friends every day. I loved it!

I went weekly boarding at 16 and class those two years as some of the very best fun of my life.

I wouldn’t dream of sending DSs pre-16. The older I get the more I note that the boys I know who boarded from even 13 are (on the whole) the ones who don’t seem to form long-term relationships. (I do wonder though about correlation rather than causation…do the kind of parents who in the 80s sent prep school boys (always the boys!) off to board perhaps overlap with the more distant kind of parent?!)

I think it helps people to suppress emotion which means you can keep making tough decisions in life without being impacted emotionally. You can hurt people and be hurt without feeling it. You can learn to be independent and not rely on others or trust in others or care about others.

This can lead to great things (being PM or a CEO) but it can also cause problems in relationships (Boris had how many kids and how many partners?) and cause big problems for others (austerity, Brexit, etc......) .....

@Pigeonqueen

Plenty of parents do need to board their children from 11 because there's no local secondary in state boarding schools. Smaller Scottish islands in particular often don't have post 11 education

Depends on so many things - the school, the child, the circumstances. Many younger children can thrive, while older children can find it hard.why is everybody constantly desperate to ban everything?

I absolutely adored boarding school. I wasn’t escaping an unhappy home life, and I'm not remotely emotionally stunted as an adult. BUT I didn’t go until I was 13, and it was my choice. I went to a school quite far from home so was a full boarder, and honestly had the best time of my life, and was incredibly happy, but would I have coped as well, and been as well adjusted if I’d gone at 7 or 8? Absolutely not. I think I’d have been absolutely miserable!

Why wouldn't Rachel Johnson send her kids away? She has no idea how to parent because she never experienced parenting from her parents.