to think boarding schools are no longer ok...

[BaklavaRocks]

Inspired by another thread, and some old YouTube documentaries I've recently watched, I can't help but feel boarding schools for under 13's (i.e. boarding prep schools) have had their time.

Maybe they used to be an acceptable option, but with all the research we now have available, showing the damage done by separation of young children from their parents, do you think boarding for v young kids (8/9/10/11) will eventually be banned except in v exceptional circumstances?

And if our politicians including past PMs like Johnson and Cameron were not a product of boarding schools, do you think they'd have more compassion and be less cut off from emotion and feelings? and better able to relate to us common folk?

I agree OP. I went to boarding school (weekly at 9 and then full boarding at 12) and although I actually had a relatively good experience despite some home sickness, I don't think it's a good thing emotionally for DC. I can see the effects it had and still has on me, for example selecting unavailable men is one - not attached/married men, I've not gone down that road - but just workaholic/goes out all the time/lives far away etc etc. It also means children are relying on other children to fulfil their emotional needs, just not OK.

'children relying on other children to fulfil emotional needs'. You've really put the finger on something I hadn't identified there. My brother boarded and he has one friend still who he is very close to and who I think he would say performed that role for him. It makes me feel really sad for them as little boys.

He would never have said that he was okay at all. When for various reasons it was an option for one of my dc to board for secondary, my brother talked more than I had heard him before about how he had cried himself to sleep and then gave up.

Ugh, your poor brother - my heart breaks for that little boy. I think we were terribly under equipped to support each other (till 6th form ish maybe) and it tended to come out in eating disorders and other issues. The journey to my school still sends a feeling of "sunday night dread" through me.

I have a friend whose friends in sixth form actually wrote to her parents because they were so worried about her. Of course nothing changed for her. So upsetting

At my Boarding school it wasn't usual for the older girls to "adopt" some of the younger kids, it was sweet in one way but very sad to see how desperate these young children were for "mother" figures

Oh yes, I remember that it was actively encouraged in my school. When you were in first or second year, you're you'd choose a year 5 (6th form were in a different house) to "crack on" (ask to be your "crack") and they'd then be your "crack" and were meant to sort of be nice to you and check in with you. Some of the year 5s were quite keen initially if it was a cute little first year who still looked about 10 but none were really equipped to step into the mother role in any meaningful way.

If the sports facilities/boarding houses are offsite from each other that would not raise any safeguarding concerns. Obviously all schools have the autonomy to make appropriate policies for their own situations.

Tbh @forrealturtle I’ve read a lot of your posts on this thread and you sound like you’re looking for a fight. Do you have a lot of experience with a large number of schools across the spectrum of what’s available? It’s very laudable to champion state schools as strongly as you do but don’t you think that energy could be put to better use identifying the “room for improvement” in the schools you actually interact with and helping them to make a positive change?

I went to boarding school at 10 it was horrible
most of my contemporarys at that time were all there for different strange reasons not just the educational thing looking back pretty much all of us were screwed up by it,
I sent my own son to a boarding school as a pupil for the only reason that he was dyslexic super bright and there weren’t any other schools around our area that were suitable.

most of the borders were completely screwed up. especially the girls boys seem to fair a little better but in my experience and that of system, boarding school is a whole kind of hell.in some cases the pupils there where probably better off that being with disinterested dysfunctional parents.
The long term effect that being in a boarding school environment has even as a day pupil is
in its self a damaging experience for many .

On the question of children relying on other children to fulfill their basic emotional needs - I would point out that this adds an extra dimension of misery to being bullied or ostracised at boarding school. A child who is rejected by their peers at boarding school is completely alone. I spent a few years in that situation and it was the worst time of my life. Nobody touched me (apart from the odd shove or punch). The other girls hugged and arm-linked and brushed each other's hair. The dormitory felt like a shark tank. People got up and left if I sat with them at breakfast. If I tried to enter the common room the boys would throw things at me until I went away. I used to arrange pillows against my back at night and pretend someone was holding me. I still wake up in the night and just look at DH sleeping, remembering how lonely I was.

My biggest worry about sending DC to boarding school would be the risk of sexual abuse. Even though defenders of boarding would probably say most abuse happens at home by a family member or similar, at least on a personal level I know my DC are ok.

Is it talked about openly in boarding schools with the pupils now ?
Would a boarding school child feel comfortable enough to come forward if anything happened ?
Every generation says that it's not like the old days, things have changed, yet abuse continues to come to the surface.

My DH went to boarding school from the age of 9. His mum and dad claim that it was his choice to go. However, out of 4 siblings he was the only one to get the "opportunity". He has no real connection with his parents and is not very close to any of his siblings. As parents of two children we both decided there was no chance in hell of them attending a boarding school.

@IAmTooOldFor I have no idea why you are targeting me?
I have nothing against private schools, I am against any boarding school. And safeguarding has proven an issue time and time again. Scandals keep being exposed, some very recently.

I believe, as it was in the past the child wouldn’t say anything for fear of not being believed and worse because they are away from home to be ostracised and targeted just like in the past like I witnessed myself. It was hell on earth.
@LeavesOnTrees

This side of it really worries me.

If you live at home you know there's a life outside school. You can have friends from clubs, siblings, etc.
At boarding school that's your whole world

I agree - but people are not going to like hearing this.

I care about any child being sexually abused. We know paedophiles flock to places where children are. And a place where children bathe, change and sleep over night without their parents there is an obvious place for paedophiles to target.

Including nurseries and preschool where they can't complain and are often desperate for staff. Still accepted as the norm these days for babies and infants. Going home to sleep is no guarantee that a pervert won't get in.