MIL to constantly disrespect wishes for baby gifts

[Siamesecatlover]

It's my sons 1st birthday coming up in December, and obviously Christmas too. I'm not someone who wants or appreciates expensive baby clothes as I find them extremely wasteful and especially now our son is at a childminder 4x per week there is no opportunity for him to be wearing nice clothes as they get so filthy!! I've made this fact very clear to my family as well as my in laws several times this year and asked that for any gifts people do intend to purchase, kindly not to purchase clothes as I already have everything we need. When he was born my in laws bought what must have been over £250 worth of brand new clothes from the white company some of which he didn't even wear or only wore once. They refuse to buy 2nd hand clothes otherwise I would have said this is an option if they really want to buy clothes but it's not.

I've therefore said for his 1st birthday and Xmas we would really appreciate toys for our son to use over the next year as we dont have too many. I've even shared links to several ideas if anyone is stuck.

Get a message this morning from MIL saying "oh I know you like to just buy things on vinted but I couldn't resist buying some nice clothes from my local shop for his birthday and Christmas". So basically gone against my wishes (for I'd say at least the 3rd time this year) - meaning we will be receiving expensive clothes we've said we categorically don't want, in place of toys that would actually be so appreciated and well received.

AIBU to just accept the gifts and ask for recipts then either go and return them myself or just sell them on vinted and buy what I actually need??! Have asked my husband to land the message of no clothes which he says he has done a few times but it clearly is just not being respected and it's really making me frustrated.

Based on the mindsets shown on here we’ll never run out of baby clothes. Probably enough clothes in existence clothe every baby 100 times over. Also OP has clarified it’s impractical nonsense like a baby north face coat she’s being bought. Hardly a three pack of leggings from next which would actually be useful.

Bag it up and put it in the local Salvation Army clothes bank. They can make good use of it and also make some money.

I am not asking anyone what they want for Christmas this year and just buying what I want to buy them. My son said to me the other day 'mummy don't ask us as we want, I want it to be a surprise'. Gifts are about the thought the buyer has given - it's not a shopping list given by the receiver. I get that people may 'need' things but it takes all the personal element out of gift buying. Just let her buy what she wants.

I love buying nice clothes for my dgc.
I can afford it and I get pleasure from choosing an outfit.
However if my dc said they would appreciate a particular toy I would buy that too.

You just have to accept the clothes op.
Ask for gift receipts and swap them for clothes you can use.

@Sirzy cross post!

You can't dictate what people buy and give you, you can only ask and suggest. If people bought things I couldn't use as I have too much, then I used to re-sell once I'd used a few times, or sell with labels. Don't make it a hill you die on, better you have a few more clothes than you need than you end up falling out over it. Some people love buying baby clothes - I think it reminds them of when their kids were tiny so I just used to go with it.

YANBU to be frustrated at getting mountains of clothes you can't use.

YABU to try to dictate what people by and to ask for receipts.

I think you need to reframe your thinking. It’s not disrespectful for someone to spend their own money on what they think is a nice present. You can’t control what they buy, nor should you want to. Be grateful for the additional gifts and spend your own money on what you think are good presents.

YABVU I get the frustration but really there are much more serious things to stress about. You are working yourself up into a froth over something that, while annoying, is inconsequential and makes you sound like a child stamping your foot.
So what if she gives expensive clothes? Do what you like with them - keep them, sell them or give them to charity.
Focus on something else, not this. Be gracious when anyone gives you a gift whether you like it or not.

So glad I was brought up to be thankful for every gift me and my family receives. The whole point of gifts giving and receiving is the suprise and love behind it. So sad that that seems to be fading and taken over by the I want this,that or the other. I have a big family and come from a mega big family and not one person has this attitude thank goodness.

They’re gifts, entirely up to the gift giver what they choose to gift. What the recipient does once they’re received is up to them so sell on if you must, just receive it gracefully first.

Lighten up. Let them buy what they want.

I can't afford expensive baby clothes, so I'd be quite happy with a few really nice bits. Baby clothes are cute. I'd just thank them, take a couple of pics, then sell them on Vinted if you really don't want them.

Yeah totally agree with that last bit. I think if OP's husband could nudge her to at least buying elevated everyday wear that would be good

I get the impression that part of not using the clothes is a degree of stubbornness on your behalf.

I thought that too. Like trying to prove a point in a petty way.

In the realm of what MILs could be interfering in, this is very mild! Don’t save the clothes for nice. Just put the nice clothes on your child and if they get ruined they get ruined. At least they have been used and you can even get pics of you child in them which I’m sure MIL would love. Also….this is down the line a bit but you may come to thank your MIL for this habit when the child is 13 and wants you to spend £90 on one hoody because ‘everyone else has one’ …..granny to the rescue 😂

Pick your battles. This is not a hill worth dying on.

YANBU.

I could've written this. We are years down the line and it's still exactly the same.

She thinks of him as a dress up toy and enjoys it. I imagine she’ll grow out of it when he’s older. I agree you can try and exchange but it’s not that easy is it with online shopping etc and no paper receipts.

but the problem is your partner not working really

My God, where are your manners? You’re not entitled to their money and you absolutely can’t be dictating what they spend it on. You’re being way too grabby and entitled. Just because you like second hand stuff doesn’t make you any less entitled in this case.

Tell your husband to get a bloody job.

She sounds like she just wants to spoil her grandchild. Stamping your feet and roaring "what I say goes" will probably be counter productive.

I'd accept the clothes, keep one or two bits and return/sell the rest so you can buy toys with the money.

And why not practise what you preach by buying secondhand toys?

I don't think you should dictate gifts.

And I suspect they can't win. If she bought loads of toys, you'd be moaning 'cos you don't have the space.

Just enjoy the nice clothes and let your dc wear them!
It sounds like more of an ideological battle on your part. A lot of the clothes I get given are not what I would have picked but I see it as a positive! DC get to wear styles they wouldn't otherwise. It's really a shame to not use what you get given.
It's one thing to not buy expensive clothes, quite another to dig your heels in and refuse to wear what you're given.