MIL to constantly disrespect wishes for baby gifts

[Siamesecatlover]

It's my sons 1st birthday coming up in December, and obviously Christmas too. I'm not someone who wants or appreciates expensive baby clothes as I find them extremely wasteful and especially now our son is at a childminder 4x per week there is no opportunity for him to be wearing nice clothes as they get so filthy!! I've made this fact very clear to my family as well as my in laws several times this year and asked that for any gifts people do intend to purchase, kindly not to purchase clothes as I already have everything we need. When he was born my in laws bought what must have been over £250 worth of brand new clothes from the white company some of which he didn't even wear or only wore once. They refuse to buy 2nd hand clothes otherwise I would have said this is an option if they really want to buy clothes but it's not.

I've therefore said for his 1st birthday and Xmas we would really appreciate toys for our son to use over the next year as we dont have too many. I've even shared links to several ideas if anyone is stuck.

Get a message this morning from MIL saying "oh I know you like to just buy things on vinted but I couldn't resist buying some nice clothes from my local shop for his birthday and Christmas". So basically gone against my wishes (for I'd say at least the 3rd time this year) - meaning we will be receiving expensive clothes we've said we categorically don't want, in place of toys that would actually be so appreciated and well received.

AIBU to just accept the gifts and ask for recipts then either go and return them myself or just sell them on vinted and buy what I actually need??! Have asked my husband to land the message of no clothes which he says he has done a few times but it clearly is just not being respected and it's really making me frustrated.

I'm with you on not wanting expensive clothes for babies.
But- it's their money, and something they obviously value, so you've probably just got to smile and thank them.

You can’t dictate what they buy. You can request but not force the issue.

I get the impression that part of not using the clothes is a degree of stubbornness on your behalf. You have them so use them! Not everything needs to be secondhand.

This is so frustrating! MIL probably doesn’t realise the strength of your feeling on this but regardless, she should respect your wishes. I’d probably just return them and tell her you’ve done it. Better to risk a bit of offence to (hopefully) stop her doing it in the future!

If you don’t want to spend money on clothes, that’s fine. Can’t really what the issue is if they do, though. Do you have an ideological concern with new clothes?

My experience is you can’t control what gifts people buy for your DC. If you’re really so bothered, thank them and sell yhem
on quietly after.

I think you’re being unfair to be honest; they’re aren’t buying things that are dangerous or age inappropriate. You can’t tell people what to buy and you’re taking the enjoyment out of their gift giving. Let them buy what they like and let the clothes be ruined if that’s what happens when your son is playing or eating, don’t worry about saving them for best. Save your energy and don’t start a family argument about something that isn’t worth it.

This ^

I can see why it's frustrating, but honestly, just let it go. Most people choose the gifts they want to buy because it gives them joy, and the receiver decides whether to keep or sell them. It was ever thus. Baby clothes are cute and people like to buy them. Donate them to a food bank and they will be very much loved and used.

Just put him in the expensive clothes for nursery. They’re just clothes. Send her the photos nursery share of him painting, rolling around in mud and she may stop buying them or she may just think doesn’t he look cute.

use the clothes wherever he goes, they may be expensive but they are just clothes

or else just sell them

either way, don't fret - people will always ignore what you wish when it comes to babies

You can politely request, but ultimately you can’t dictate gifts. Accept that this is something you aren’t going to change about them and that this is outside of your control.
What you do with the gift once it’s in your possession is within your control - if they’re not to your taste or style, sell them and use the money to buy the toys you want.

You can't return for money anymore as the credit goes back to the buyer.

You've asked them not to but clearly they're going to keep doing it. So your only option is to change your reaction for the least stressful one. Accept that you're going to get clothes. Put him in them once to take photos (if you want to) then re-sell on eBay/Vinted/whatever. You can make a fair bit back selling bundles.

Is this just about the clothes or does MIL ignore your wishes in other situations?

A lot of sensible gift givers provide gift receipts so you can change things if you want. I find it bizarre that they think clothes that kids wear for such a short time rather than toys they are likely to play with repeatedly are a good present.

Sell the stuff if you can't exchange for something else and put the money towards toys.

These gifts wouldn't be my first choice but they are obviously important to your MIL.
You don't get to dictate what gifts are given.

Just put your child in the clothes when you can and send her nice picture and be gracious. You can resell them in six months on vinted if you want.

I am with you on the waste and needlessness but I think it's not worth the fight.
Let them do it ..use them like vinted clothes ..let them get filthy.
It makes her happy

At the end of the day there are worse problems to have. There are countless threads like this but imo it’s usually blowing things out if proportion. Grandparents are often in better financial situations than when their children were young and often they like to do things that they couldn’t have afforded with their own son.
It’s not really a big deal in the end.

Buy whatever toys you want. Your MIL not buying a specific toy doesn’t stop you or anyone else getting it.

Pick your battles I'd say

I get this. It's frustrating. My ILs buy vast quantities of clothes e.g. they bought me 6 jumpers, some of which I like but are too big and some I don't like. They buy clothes they like for the kids, but not always what the kids like. I then end up storing them for a bit before passing them on. (They always usually cut the tags off!) It's the quantity that feels like such a waste to me. 1 or 2 things you could make tbe effort to wear, but huge quantities is overwhelming.

Your DH has tried to talk to them and failed. I would try to let it roll over you. Objectively look through and see if there are 1 or 2 things you like or would be useful. Then return/sell/donate the rest. Hopefully as your child grows, she will get more pleasure from buying toys, which will probably be better received by a toddler than clothes.

I wouldn't care personally, they can spend their money on whatever they want even if you think it's wasteful. Just put the clothes on and send a pic. If the clothes get ruined then so what.

Sell them on eBay and then buy the toys you wanted in the first place. Tell MIL that you’ve done this and maybe she’ll stop.

YABU to dictate the gifts when you know it is important and also a very nice gesture. Your mil also has taken into consideration what you have said and has spent less on clothes than she would have done.

Ah, I’d cut her some slack on this one. MIL is getting joy from going into shops and choosing clothes for her GC, can’t blame her, its a lovely thing to do. Just accept them with grace and maybe use one at a family get together, I am sure that would make her happy and doesn’t seem like a huge ask!

I feel similar - someone gave me a pair of du agrees that cost 50£ for my 3 month old 😨 he wore them about 3 times and one time had a poo explosion all over them 😬

I don’t think you can do anything just wear them if sell them on Vinted new with tags !

But why would they deliberately go against OP's wishes? Surely the whole point of a gift is pleasing the recipient. A 1 year old baby doesn't care about clothes so the people you are trying to please are the parents. OP has been very clear that she doesn't want or need them to buy clothes but they do need/want toys. Surely they would get more enjoyment watching the baby play with the toys that they have bought?

Do a Xmas list for your DS of some toys he would love to send to grandparents and aunts/uncles if they buy gifts.

Send it to MIL, hopefully she will buy a toy and whatever happens with the clothes is for her to worry about. The wste is not your responsibility, you've made your point about it and that is really as far as you can go in controlling other people's behaviour.

Let her crack on.