MIL to constantly disrespect wishes for baby gifts

[Siamesecatlover]

It's my sons 1st birthday coming up in December, and obviously Christmas too. I'm not someone who wants or appreciates expensive baby clothes as I find them extremely wasteful and especially now our son is at a childminder 4x per week there is no opportunity for him to be wearing nice clothes as they get so filthy!! I've made this fact very clear to my family as well as my in laws several times this year and asked that for any gifts people do intend to purchase, kindly not to purchase clothes as I already have everything we need. When he was born my in laws bought what must have been over £250 worth of brand new clothes from the white company some of which he didn't even wear or only wore once. They refuse to buy 2nd hand clothes otherwise I would have said this is an option if they really want to buy clothes but it's not.

I've therefore said for his 1st birthday and Xmas we would really appreciate toys for our son to use over the next year as we dont have too many. I've even shared links to several ideas if anyone is stuck.

Get a message this morning from MIL saying "oh I know you like to just buy things on vinted but I couldn't resist buying some nice clothes from my local shop for his birthday and Christmas". So basically gone against my wishes (for I'd say at least the 3rd time this year) - meaning we will be receiving expensive clothes we've said we categorically don't want, in place of toys that would actually be so appreciated and well received.

AIBU to just accept the gifts and ask for recipts then either go and return them myself or just sell them on vinted and buy what I actually need??! Have asked my husband to land the message of no clothes which he says he has done a few times but it clearly is just not being respected and it's really making me frustrated.

I don't believe any one-year-old is desperately in need of toys.

If the one-year-old needs toys the charity shops are awash with unwanted unused toys - why is this any different to used clothing?

Ah, I'd only read the OP's posts, I should have realised that this was where the meanies hung out to give out a good kicking. I'll bow out and let you carry on.

@ByTidyHelper I agree that most one year olds want to play with toys, but if money is a real issue, there are so many things that you can make at next to no cost and will be just as much appreciated as shop bought plastic toys.

I'm sure that's true and I'm sure OP has lots of fun games and cheap ways to entertain her son but maybe she would also love to see him be able to play with some nice toys too? If my son or daughter was tight for cash I'd want to help them any way I could and be asking what I could buy for them for Xmas that would take a bit of the load off, not gifting them loads of expensive clothes that are duplicates for things they already have or bought in the wrong size or for the wrong season like MIL has a habit of doing.

You talked about kids who didn't have waterproof shoes in the winter and had to wear sandals - come on that's a terrible wooful place to be. Not having loads of toys as a one year old is a different thing altogether but you go ahead and make them the same thing in your head.

She's said in her posts that she does buy 2nd hand toys but her in laws are horrified at the thought of anything 2nd hand so for Xmas she has sent a few ideas for new toys to them if they were thinking of getting her son any gifts but they've chosen to ignore this and buy clothes they like instead.

@ByTidyHelper why do you think home made toys can't be nice? With the exception of my teddy bear and two Sindy dolls, I don't remember my parents ever buying me any major toys until I was seven or eight. My mum made absolutely everything for me, and I was the envy of all my friends. I had a collection of about 30 tiny dolls, none more than two inches high, which she added to for every birthday or special event. Some of them lived in the dolls house that she made, with working lights, some lived in the farm house that my much older brother built. She also made me a zoo, circus, and school. She made school uniforms for my dolls, and a horse drawn cart foe my Sindy dolls. She didn't have any special skills or training but she made unique and wonderful toys for me for next to nothing.

That's really nice of your mum and all, but I'd imagine with OP being the main breadwinner at the moment she doesn't have tonnes of time to make homemade doll houses between trying to work, take care of an almost 1 year old, and sleep lol.

In these times it's hard to avoid "stuff", whether it be toys or clothes.
Both are either free or virtually free on Facebook marketplace in abundance, not to mention the plethora of WhatsApp groups and acquaintances with people desperately trying to offload outgrown toys often in mint condition. I think social media has changed everything and in that small area, for the better.

If that isn't available, charities abound and have full warehouses. If that fails, churches / community centres have initiatives too.

Poverty affects the essentials such as accommodation and food provision far more than it does access to toys / clothes.

Recently on the occasions I have heard of a situation of need, I couldn't get there soon enough as prams / baby baths / virtually unused car seats / cots / clothes / toys etc had already been provided by people desperate to both help and declutter.

Each era has its issues but due to both the fast fashion industries and the materialistic society of the past 30 years, there's such an oversupply of toys and clothes in the country's attics and spare rooms that they currently can be secured very cheaply indeed.

@ByTidyHelper It really doesn't take loads of time to make toys like that. My mum used to make a tiny doll in under an hour in the evening when she was watching TV. I made quite a lot of toys for my daughter when she was young and it wasn't too hard to manage inbetween other responsibilities. But toys don't need to be really well made like the things my Mum made - you can make all sorts of things cheaply and quickly.

Why do you care? Just put them away and don’t use them. Not worth the energy if you’ve made your stance known and they’ve ignored them just keep the labels and sell them

Why not sell the expensive clothes on vinted then?

Seems convenient to direct your annoyance at your MIL and not at your DH. In the current climate he would be better off getting a job. Convenient you haven't replied to any of those comments.

I think it’s really rude to demand certain things for gifts, what people gift you is entirely upto them. If you won’t use it then don’t use it and tell them why if asked but let them buy what they want.

Didn’t wear the new clothes from when he was born..why?

Just be grateful for whatever you’re given…sometimes we have to learn to accept things because it’s the giving of these things that make others feel good! They obviously adore their grandchild and want to spoil him, if you’d rather not have the items, simply pass it on or re-sell it discreetly. No need to make them feel bad for wanting to spoil their grandchild.

Right...you ask for opinions, then get mad when people give them? Yes, in an ideal world, they would have listened to you, but they didn't. It's hardly the end of the world! You're actually coming across as being VERY ungrateful and selfish right now. It may be (in your opinion) £200 wasted, but it's not your money, so who cares? You have clearly made up your mind, so what's the point of the post?

Yeah this! if either of my kids have children I'm honestly dreading being a MIL! Sounds like the OP can't stand hers.

This all seems very ungrateful. I was happy to received gifts for daughter when she was little. It sounds more just a dislike of her MI than the clothes.

I don’t feel this is a hill to die on but many posts on here lately seem to just be about getting angry over nothing.

And the in laws could also choose to buy nothing- which again is their right.

Because MIL has a habit of buying things in the wrong size or for the wrong season, or duplicate items like an £80 coat when OP already has two coats so it probably gets put in a wardrobe and forgotten about.

I agree with you 100%, i would accept the gifts, photograph your child in the clothes, send pics to the family then return them. I don't think there is anything wrong with not wanting expensive clothes, it's a complete waste of money.

In my local area there are lots of facebook free giving sites. People are always giving away lovely toys/books/jigsaws. Maybe look on there OP for free toys? There are also toy libraries. I used to hire slides and ride on toys when my kids were little. Just a thought.

That's literally what the whole point of this thread was. OP asked if it was unreasonable to sell the clothes they receive from MIL that are not suitable. I really feel for OP with the number of people who don't bother reading before commenting!