MIL to constantly disrespect wishes for baby gifts

[Siamesecatlover]

It's my sons 1st birthday coming up in December, and obviously Christmas too. I'm not someone who wants or appreciates expensive baby clothes as I find them extremely wasteful and especially now our son is at a childminder 4x per week there is no opportunity for him to be wearing nice clothes as they get so filthy!! I've made this fact very clear to my family as well as my in laws several times this year and asked that for any gifts people do intend to purchase, kindly not to purchase clothes as I already have everything we need. When he was born my in laws bought what must have been over £250 worth of brand new clothes from the white company some of which he didn't even wear or only wore once. They refuse to buy 2nd hand clothes otherwise I would have said this is an option if they really want to buy clothes but it's not.

I've therefore said for his 1st birthday and Xmas we would really appreciate toys for our son to use over the next year as we dont have too many. I've even shared links to several ideas if anyone is stuck.

Get a message this morning from MIL saying "oh I know you like to just buy things on vinted but I couldn't resist buying some nice clothes from my local shop for his birthday and Christmas". So basically gone against my wishes (for I'd say at least the 3rd time this year) - meaning we will be receiving expensive clothes we've said we categorically don't want, in place of toys that would actually be so appreciated and well received.

AIBU to just accept the gifts and ask for recipts then either go and return them myself or just sell them on vinted and buy what I actually need??! Have asked my husband to land the message of no clothes which he says he has done a few times but it clearly is just not being respected and it's really making me frustrated.

All I can hear is “you will not disrespect my authoritaaaay” a la Cartman in Southpark. You’re upset that your MIL isn’t doing what she’s told wrt your child (who is also her grandchild) - as though she owes you that 🙄. You’re basically asking her for money and nothing else. Just sell the bloody clothes and buy toys instead if you’re that desperate.

This is really ugly behaviour, OP. Very distasteful.

I think in this case, it's likely MIL and DIL are just as bad as each other. A recipe for disaster.

Yep - HER child. Her child, her rules. If she has limits on what she wants HER child to be given by other people that's her prerogative and if people choose to go against those wishes she has every right to sell or dispose of the unwanted items. If it's MILs God given right to buy unnecessary clothes then it's OPs God given right to do with them what she sees fit. End of story.

It would seem not.

Or we have different opinions.

That’s about the size of it…

😳

Does the father get a view? Or does he have to do everything the OP says as well?😂

Why are you arguing with me? I literally said that OP should sell the clothes and buy toys with the money.

The MY CHILD MY RULES thing ridiculous. Yes, when it comes to raising a child right: parents decide what’s in the child’s best interests because parents are responsible for the child until maturity and parents have to suffer the consequences. Grandparents can’t overrule that as grandparents aren’t responsible if parents are around.

This is about too-expensive clothes for a 1yo baby.

Apply some intelligent thought to the situation. Next you’ll be saying “I told MIL I only want DD to wear yellow and blue, she’s disrespecting me by buying beige and lilac - my child, my rules”.

OP can continue being stroppy and making demands on what people spend their money on when it comes to HER child and wonder why people stop buying stuff altogether or she can chill out a bit, not see everything as being DISRESPECTFUL and live happily ever after.

Just wait for the teenage years - the op will learn a whole new meaning of disrespect!😂

Look I get you my ex mil was kinda like this she would say I want to get him clothing for Christmas I said please don't buy anymore tops he has DOZENS of tops he really needs bottoms etc what does she buy? Tops lots and lots of tops cuts the labels out so I can't return or exchange them what size clothing does he take? 5/6 (he was almost five but tall) she bought him 4/5 because that was his "age" of course they didn't fit! Again no labels no exchange the best one was when she fixated on a winter coat for him he had three at the time (various gifts from friends) she asked I said no need he has three her husband said don't buy one Christmas day comes not only has she bought him one but she got others to buy him one too who needs SIX COATS 😂 she told people they really need a coat we really REALLY didn't

It's been baffling

I think OP would be pretty happy if MIL stopped buying things as it would give her much less of a headache!

Yes, child sized coats are such a headache!

It all sounds like a crushing burden.

A pile of White Company Clothing…

What toys does a one year old "need"

Plenty!! When my daughter was one all she ever wanted to do was play with toys. We had loads - musical ones, ones that helped them develop gross and fine motor skills like crawling and standing, light up ones that would just keep them entertained for hours. Toys are a wholly better gift for a one year old than designer gear in the wrong size or for the wrong season like OPs MIL insists on buying.

Unfortunately you can't really dictate gifts unless they ask. I would also see this as something DH should be dealing with if he is in agreement with you.

OP’s family are obeying her and buying toys.

I would try to take them to the shops they were bought from to exchange for toys or something else..obviously depending on where they were bought. I don’t think you can get cash refund nless you have the receipt and they paid cash. Most people pay by card .

She’s no doubt had them trained for decades.

Got to be the most stupid thread on here for a long time. Sounds like most of mumsent are selfish gift givers who think wholly about themselves and never about whether the recipient of a gift will appreciate it! The irony of this statement 😂

There's a balance - they don't need loads at the age of one, you might get some perspective one day.

I think that there are an awful lot of people on here who haven't had to make the choice between which child gets new waterproof shoes and which has to continue to wear ones with a split sole, who then get given a pair of summer sandals for each child for christmas that will be outgrown by the time summer comes around

Is that what you think is happening here? Honestly?

The OP has already said that her husband has lost his job and that money's very tight - to get something that is useless when they've asked for something useful, yes I do have every sympathy with the OP, having been in a similar situation