MIL to constantly disrespect wishes for baby gifts

[Siamesecatlover]

It's my sons 1st birthday coming up in December, and obviously Christmas too. I'm not someone who wants or appreciates expensive baby clothes as I find them extremely wasteful and especially now our son is at a childminder 4x per week there is no opportunity for him to be wearing nice clothes as they get so filthy!! I've made this fact very clear to my family as well as my in laws several times this year and asked that for any gifts people do intend to purchase, kindly not to purchase clothes as I already have everything we need. When he was born my in laws bought what must have been over £250 worth of brand new clothes from the white company some of which he didn't even wear or only wore once. They refuse to buy 2nd hand clothes otherwise I would have said this is an option if they really want to buy clothes but it's not.

I've therefore said for his 1st birthday and Xmas we would really appreciate toys for our son to use over the next year as we dont have too many. I've even shared links to several ideas if anyone is stuck.

Get a message this morning from MIL saying "oh I know you like to just buy things on vinted but I couldn't resist buying some nice clothes from my local shop for his birthday and Christmas". So basically gone against my wishes (for I'd say at least the 3rd time this year) - meaning we will be receiving expensive clothes we've said we categorically don't want, in place of toys that would actually be so appreciated and well received.

AIBU to just accept the gifts and ask for recipts then either go and return them myself or just sell them on vinted and buy what I actually need??! Have asked my husband to land the message of no clothes which he says he has done a few times but it clearly is just not being respected and it's really making me frustrated.

"Disrespect wishes"? Oh, get over yourself!

Just send him to the childminder in expensive clothes and don't worry if he gets them dirty🤷‍♀️ she obviously enjoys buying them so let her.

As her son has lost his job and started his own business that isn't bringing in any income, if I were MIL, I would be more worried about how my son and his family were managing on just my DIL's wage, rather than spending £80 on a North Face jacket for a 1 year old who couldn't care less about designer labels.

Yup lol. Madness how so many people on this thread don't seem to understand this. If she can't bear to listen to her poor DILs polite requests for toys if MIL is so desperate to buy things for their son then she really is a totally selfish and thoughtless woman who only cares about what she wants.

If I knew my son and DIL were going through a tight period financially while they got their new business off the ground I'd be raring to help them in any way possible rather than burdening them with unwanted gifts that benefit absolutely no one.

No that's so so mean. Why rob a granny of the joy of buying a cute baby outfit. Your husband can be responsible for dressing baby in mil bought clothes when he visits her though and he's also responsible for sorting through and taking them to charity shop when they're outgrown.
I think buying plastic toys new is worse tbh I'd get these off marketplace or a charity shop

But the baby is the receiver, not you. If for YOUR birthday she was buying you clothes you didn't like I'd understand.

I can't stand my ex mil (see my post 'aibu to reduce contact with ex mil) but even I wouldn't tell her what to buy or not buy the baby. I even try to put the baby in her clothes when he goes out with the dad (and the dad sends me angry messages saying that the clothes are unpractical and hard to change baby's nappy 🤦🏼‍♀️)

This

Put them on Vinted. My Mum does the same with clothes and gifts for me and the kids - they just don't get worn or I regifted. Now I say either you take the items back or I will be selling them on Vinted. The world is too full of stuff and waste. It took a while but the message has got through she asks now or does experiences. I would also passively aggressively take pictures with the gifts from people who did listen and say - Oh X loves his toy! Good Luck.

You can't always change things but you can change how you react to them.
Don't get worked up, just sell the clothes and don't feel bad about it.
If MIL asks where specific clothes went, just say they already grew out of it so you've passed it on.
Maybe take a photo of them posing in it before it disappears and keep one or 2 items to trot out when they visit to maintain deniability. (You'll still get some money on vinted if its without tags afterwards)
But I would make sure to take some videos of your child being very excited to receive a present they enjoy like a toy from other family members and share how lovely it is in a group chat & see if they take a hint that children actually like being gifted toys... not many care about clothes!

I also remember when I was a young rich auntie my brother and SIL used to send me shopping lists of things like new trainers they wanted me to get their child... she needed new trainers anyway. So to get that for their child felt more like I was saving money for the parents than to actually buy a fun treat for my niece (which is what I wanted to do). They worded it as suggestions that sometimes I did follow and sometimes I didn't but to think they would sit and stew that I was disrespecting them sounds outrageous

Chill, dude. It’s really not worth getting het up about.

Yes my kids' uncle will give us some money at the end of summer towards uniform and that's for us to spend on "boring stuff" as we see fit. When he takes my son shopping or buys them stuff, it will be fun uncle stuff. We wouldn't dream of telling him not to get what he wants for that and he's under no obligation to help with the boring stuff, he just does.

If my relatives bought my child hundreds of pounds of white company clothing I would be ecstatic.

Yes I agree. It’s entitled and it’s actually being a bit of a user to decree what people can buy.

No one is missing the point. You are missing the point. MIL likes to buy lovely clothes for her Grandson. If your family is buying toys, as instructed, I don't see the problem. First-world issues, or rather DIL issues. There is no need to get so worked up about it,

I am so grateful daily that all 4 of my DILs are not like this.

I don’t even think it’s really about the gifts. It’s about control.

I think these posts are always about something deeper than a gift ( surely?!). She wants the mil to feel that she has to “obey” if it’s her Dc involved.

If you bothered to read all the OPs posts on this thread you'd start to get a better picture of who the MIL is. She is the one who clearly likes to exert her control and ignore everyone else's wishes regardless of the situation (even at someone's birth when she showed up despite being asked specifically not to until they were ready). It's clear it's not just about the clothes. If it were I doubt OP would be posting on here. It's most likely because this is just yet ANOTHER thing the MIL is doing that disregards her DILs wants and needs and she's had enough of it.

Op it's not worth the fight.
Use the clothes, even if you keep them for weekends. And sell move them on when you are done with them.

When you say “ if you bothered” I’m not sure I have that function. I don’t pay anything for MN. But people need to include what is necessary to understand the situation in the post . It may well be the mil is controlling too, but that doesn’t come across to me on the face of this thread.

YANBU to try to stop these unwanted gifts, but MIL is determined to buy them and I don't see how you can stop her. Unfortunately.
I would probably keep one item for the sake of peace and regift the others to someone who will enjoy them. And not tell MIL you've done it, but not hide it either if she asks.

Smile, say thank you, and return or sell the things that baby doesn’t wear.

You don't need to pay anything. At the bottom right of any of OPs posts you can click "see all" to see any updates or replies she has posted since the original post.

Oh well I have “ bothered” to read all of those, and I’m afraid, like many other posters, I just have the impression op is getting stroppy because she’d like MIL to spend her money differently from how MIL wants to spend it. You can’t tell people what they are “allowed” to buy.
OP is actually getting stroppy with posters not agreeing with her on here as well.

We clearly aren't reading the same thread then