To ask if you think I was rude?

[oldwornstuff]

Mortified if so.

Took my DS (16 months) to a swimming class this morning. We normally go to a different one but he was unwell last week.

A woman was there who was in the same swimming class when DS was a baby with her DD. I greeted her and she seemed pleasant and smiley.

in the changing rooms I went, said goodbye but then realised I’d forgotten something so went back in and heard her talking about me to her mum saying ‘she was so rude when I invited her to (DDs) party.’

I looked back through my messages and she did invite us to a party which was run by a baby sensory lady. I had replied saying ‘thank you for inviting us but we are busy.’

Was that rude?

More polite would have been
"Thank you for the invite, we would have so loved to come but unfortunately can't make it"
But I don't think you were rude.

Doesn't sound rude in what you've said. Was there any other interactions with ehr over the party? If not then no I don't think you were rude.

It’s maybe a bit blunt?

I think it was a bit brisk, to be honest. It wouldn't have taken much longer for you to at least to say how nice it sounded and you were sorry to miss it, for example.

It's not rude as such but it is a bit brusque, but I think text communication can be like that if you aren't careful, especially with people you don't know.

I'd have said something more like the PP:
'Thanks so much for inviting us! Really sad we can't make it as we have something else on, but hope she has an amazing time and see you guys soon.'

I don't think I'd be offended by it at all but I might just think 'Oh right okay then!'

It was to the point you don't need a lot of waffle to say no. Honestly I wouldn't give it a second thought. :-)

You weren't rude

I also think it was a tad brusque (but definitely not 'so rude').

"Oh that sounds lovely, unfortunately we can't make it. Hope Lily has a lovely time!"

I think if this lady is still holding grudge over this you're probably best off out of it tbh.

It was direct, I can see how some could perceive it as rude.

Some people need all the waffle, I prefer it when people are just straight to the point.

Sounds like she prefers the waffling.

I don't think it's rude, but if she's a gushy sort of person who expected "that sounds amaazing😍would have lOVED to come ❤but I'm having my toenails waxed that day 😩GUTTED 💔. See you soon hun, have a FAB party 🍰xxxx" she might have found it abrupt.

Nah, you weren't rude. She sounds a bit of a drama llama.

Not rude.
She is rude talking behind someone’s back.
Don’t worry about it.

I wouldn't say it was rude, but it was a bit abrupt - however, it's bonkers to still be holding a grudge about it now!

It was abrupt and straight to the point, it wasn't particularly rude but it also didn't sound like you were sad to be missing it or that you hoped they had a good time etc.

thank you for inviting us but we are busy

Yes, I can see why she could construe that as short
I'd text her now and say "I wasn't eavesdropping deliberately but overheard you tell your Mum how rude you thought I was over a party invite. Having read it back, it does sound abrupt and I'm sorry. I didn't realise how short it was."

only if you want to/it's causing you anxiety/you wanted to stay in touch

If not, don't worry.

Did she see you overhear her? You have a great opportunity to mess her about in revenge

but it also didn't sound like you were sad to be missing it or that you hoped they had a good time etc.

Sad to be missing it? It's a kid's birthday party and they had something else to do. Nothing to be sad about.

It’s not rude per se but it does convey the impression that you’d rather eat your lunch off the pavement than go anywhere near that party. So not rude but also definitely a bit of a put down and if I thought we were friendly and I received that from you I’d probably think again!

Do you like her? If so you could always message something like “Lovely to bump into you and X at the pool. Can’t believe how big/good at swimming/whatever X is getting!”

Depends how long ago it was really! Could have been last week.

It's not exactly hard to say "Hope Lily has a lovely time, we would have loved to be there!" though, is it?

I can see why OP's response seems a bit rude.

Shouldn't you be at school?

OP says she hadn't seen this lady since the children were babies - and as we're talking about a birthday invite and her DS is now 16 months, it obviously wasn't last week...

Personally I wouldn't have taken offence at that at all. I would think it was a bit direct but I'd be most likely glad to have had a RSPV as often people don't even respond at all.

Are you sure she was talking about you?

Hell, I've responded to yes and then forgotten all about it and not showed 🫣 she's being way too sensitive imo and probably doesn't hold many good friendships and relationships as a result

That’s not rude, OP.
she sounds hard work. Avoid.

I've learned that when dealing with people I don't really know I am a bit more flowery.