To ask if you think I was rude?

[oldwornstuff]

Mortified if so.

Took my DS (16 months) to a swimming class this morning. We normally go to a different one but he was unwell last week.

A woman was there who was in the same swimming class when DS was a baby with her DD. I greeted her and she seemed pleasant and smiley.

in the changing rooms I went, said goodbye but then realised I’d forgotten something so went back in and heard her talking about me to her mum saying ‘she was so rude when I invited her to (DDs) party.’

I looked back through my messages and she did invite us to a party which was run by a baby sensory lady. I had replied saying ‘thank you for inviting us but we are busy.’

Was that rude?

It takes all of 30 seconds to type “thanks for the invite, unfortunately we already have plans but hope she has a lovely birthday”. It really is just basic politeness.
Please do enlighten me where I would be “falling over myself” or “using all these extra words” - I’ve hardly written an essay!

In terms of gracious refusals, I'd probably include a bit more of a reason for the business (having lunch for mum's birthday etc) and then close off with wishing them a lovely day. Just softens it a bit.

Again, it's not "falling over yourself" to be polite and friendly to someone who was kind enough to invite you/your child somewhere.

If someone responded to me in the way OP did, I'd not bother with them again.

Well said. So many people who think direct communication is rude but are quite prepared to let people down at the last minute or lie about being ill to get out of things they weren't sufficiently assertive to decline in the first place.

Don't bother, you'll just be told you're gushy or flowery or "overly polite" for showing an ounce of basic kindness, lol.

Saying thanks for the invite is basic politeness. Adding more isn’t necessary.

So where’s the “falling over myself” as I asked but you ignored?

And if someone responded to me in the way OP did, I wouldn’t think anything of it. It’s short and to the point, which is what I’d want over a kids birthday party. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Great. OP's acquaintance clearly thinks differently, as do a lot of the people responding to this thread.

Op said she’s busy which is the same but just a shorter way of saying unfortunately we already have plans.

Lots of things aren't necessary but they're still basic courtesy.

What people need to bear in mind is that some people can be sensitive or a bit insecure. As you can't hear tone in a text message, a blunt text message might be read as quite dismissive by some people.
So being a bit more effusive spares feelings.

and others don’t. I’m not the only one who thinks there’s nothing wrong with it.

But it’s not gushing or falling over yourself as you seem so determined to try and make out it is. You’re being deliberately obtuse now.

Agree maybe not rude but definitely blunt and I would have worded it better

Surely people also need to bear in mind that if they are known to be sensitive and/or insecure, to try not to take a text message about a birthday party so personally?

It is if you wouldn’t usually talk like that. It would be incredibly out of character for some people over informal text message. One of the points of text messaging is so it can be quick, short and to the point.

Bit blunt and I definitely wouldn't bother texting you again!

It's not rude it's just direct and not full of fluff and smiley faces. Some people perceive directness as rude

@ohyesido "Some people perceive directness as rude"

Because sometimes it is.

And that's your inference @CurlewKate

Rude is "no we don't want to go to your kid's boring party"

Thanking them for the invite but truthfully saying they can't because they're busy is very polite

Exactly. Like you said, no fluff and smiley faces doesn’t always = rude. Some people are also more sensitive than others.

Surely better to err on the side of caution? "Thank you for the invitation. So sorry we can't come- we've already got plans. I hope you have a lovely time."

But this is Mumsnet, where "no is a complete sentence."

Some people don't mind blunt and others do - you make your choice of words and you pay the price - do you care? If you care you choose your words carefully, if you don't you get what the op got, but don't be surprised.

And if you are a drama llama and take offence at totally normal communication and accuse people of being "rude" for no reason then people will conclude you are a high-maintenance PITA and avoid you.