Would you expect an apology in this situation?

[TheGruffalochild]

About half a year ago we visited my db in another city with ds2 and dd6. We had a long day looking around busy museums, walking around the city and then a meal at a pub. By the time we arrived for the meal the kids were exhausted. I always try to sit outside with the kids because they behave better and it doesn’t disrupt others if we are a bit loud chaotic and to be honest try not to eat out too much with them because it can be challenging. However db insisted we sit inside because he wanted it to be nice and he had invited his gf. (They don’t have kids)
As predicted, inside ds2 fell asleep and woke up as the food was arriving, crying confused at where he was and just general post nap grumpiness. Dd6 food came and wasn’t what she expected so she was a bit grumpy about that. Then, while trying to sort out ds, my Dh knocked over dds drink and spilled it all over her clothes. Dd started crying, got up out her chair and I was trying to dry her when db came over and started to clean the table. Dd was starting to enter meltdown mode, and seeing db sat in her chair raised her voice at him and told him hey, get out of my chair. My db told her off for speaking to him that way.
Noticing the situation was escalating I asked dh to remove the kids and take them back to the hotel room, which he did swiftly.
My db then started laying into me about my parenting and kids behavior and I told him he was out of place. Some back and forth went back about who was right/wrong and then I also left.
We didn’t speak for six months, but recently I reached out to make amends.
DB is insisting I should have immediately apologized for dds behavior and he felt disrespected and I crossed his boundaries by allowing her to talk to him like that. He won’t move on until I apologize.
My take on it is:
He already told her off himself
I was too focused on dealing with the meltdown unfolding and sorting everyone out to apologize immediately
I was tired and hungry myself and it wasn’t the best moment to start attacking my parenting
Kids will be kids. I don’t expect apologies from other parents when their kids meltdown and I’ve seen much worse (biting hitting swearing etc.) from other kids meltdowns
I warned him the pub setting wasn’t right

He was sitting in her chair and in her space while she was in stress. He should have just let me and dh deal with it.

AIBU?

Sounds like you need to apologise for your child's behaviour if I'm honest. I wouldn't expect a 6 yr old to act like that

I wouldn't expect a grown man to still have the arse over a 6 year olds behaviour months later.

He sounds more immature than the 6 year old.

I would say to your brother

"I won't be apologising, I have a different perspective on it. However, I am happy to put it behind us and move on if you are. "

I think if he does have DC, he will either show himself to be a total hypocrite or will have a very difficult time of it.

Tell him that you were a perfect parent too before you had children.

Seriously though, it sounds like he has unrealistic expectations and doesn't know what is age appropriate behaviour in young children. They are not 12 and 16.

A 6 year old telling an adult relative to 'get out of her chair' is not 'assertiveness' OP and please don't tell yourself that it is, its downright rude, theres no sugaring that pill

She was rude. Hey get out of my chair … by a child or adult is just plain rude.
kids really don’t benefit when you dilly Sally on manners

Your 'd'b sounds like an arrogant moron.

He's still trying to bully you, and now your DD who sounds lovely and just had a bad evening (due to your brother being unreasonable in the first place).

I'd leave it another 6 months to be honest, he needs to realise he's not the centre of the universe.

I really hope he doesn't have kids, he doesn't sound like a nice person at all. His kids will have a shit time having him as a Dad, and so will the mother of his children.

So many patronising comments. What happens if his children at 6 can control themselves in a restaurant? Mine were certainly fine at this age.

Maybe the ops kids have put him off for life anyway.

This is good advice.

I'm incredibly petty though and would be reminding him of this incident when he is knee deep in toddlers and struggling to get them to behave in an adult environment…

in fact, to really piss him off, have a significant celebration meal in a stuffy restaurant with no kids menu when he has very young kids. ( make
sure you give them lots of chocolate and high sugar drinks first…because you’re such an indulgent auntie)
Then sit with a bemused look on your face when they inevitably kick off and your now older, wiser children sit quietly, eating vegetables without a fuss.

Then remind him of this incident. It’s a long wait, but what a meal that would be 😂

Haven't got further in the thread yet but this was my thought exactly.

I bet OP is so nice she'll help him out and not remind him what a knob he was before children. 'D'B will never own it.

I can understand why your brother was mortified, but he should have realised that was why you were right to suggest eating outside, quietly resolve not to attempt to go anywhere civilised with your family again, and let it go.

What's your problem?

How did the girlfriend react ? I think what happened here is your dB didn't get things his way , he was embarrassed in front of his gf . He'd want to wise up kids will be kids forcing them to be mini adults doesn't work . I wouldn't apologise for what happened he needs to apologise to you for his over reaction

This nailed it.

getting my son to revise!

I was on the fence about this - as my kids always behaved well in restaurants/ cafes (they liked their food)
And last week we took ds, DIL and 4 and 1 year old out for Sunday lunch.

No problem at all.
So maybe we were the exception.
But now I see there are many others from pp.
the 6 yr old was rude
Uncle sat there to help clear up the drink and would have retuned to his own seat.....

but his reaction is still massively over the top - his behaviour in how he is handling it is far worse than what the 6 year old did in the first place

I was hoping someone else would say this. Nothing worse than uncontrollable children. Sorry raised 3 between us and u never ever tolerated my children being rude to an adult in any situation. Th😜is leads to smart ass teenagers who I swear are the devils punishment on us

Lots of conflicting replies to the op. I think the responses very much depend on when you think the day went wrong .

Day not suitable due child - brothers fault for planning to much, op for not advocating her children?

Eating inside - as above?

Dh spilling drink - accident , child gets upset

Op cleans up child, brother cleans up soup K t drink

Child shouts at brother - rude or assertive

Brother answers back - overstepping or responding rude child

Husband removes children

Brother angry with op - upset his day was ruined, or intolerant to children

Whoops wrong thread

The thing is we're only getting your side of the story here, your DD shouting at him could have been the last straw if he had been putting up with your kids being demanding and controlling the whole day. I wouldn't really expect a 6yo to have a meltdown because of a pub meal (barring any SEN). You are coming to the defence of your kids but not owning up to their bad behaviour.

I really don't understand this at all, I wouldn't even tolerate my 4yo speaking to someone in this way let alone a 6yo. I have 5 children, one has ASD and one has ADHD and they have all been taught from a young age what kind of behaviour is acceptable when we are eating out and that has included long days out. It's been hard work don't get me wrong but they don't learn these things by me excusing their bad behaviour, they need to be taught it's never ok to speak to people like that, especially someone who is trying to help you out.

I totally agree with you, and I wouldn't have let a 6 year old dictate what she wanted to do in a museum ie colouring either!