To be kept awake by class scoring system?

[PurpleRains]

I’ve been lying in bed crying, so I think I might be being ridiculous, but here goes…

I have a lovely DS, aged 7, Year 2. At parents evening a couple of weeks ago I was told there were no concerns academically, some of his maths is at mastery level, and he is a good role model to his classmates, he is calm, sensible and friendly to others. When he has play dates at other people’s houses I’m told he’s been a pleasure, and he’s invited back. In other words, I’m confident my child is a good kid.

Here’s my problem… 3 weeks ago, the school introduced a new points system. Previously it was some kind of chart at school, and when they reached so many points they were allowed to choose something from a range of stationery items. I don’t think my child got loads of points, it didn’t really rate high on my day to day life unless he wanted to tell me.

The new system is an app. I can log on at anytime and see throughout the day whether my child has been awarded any points. Points are awarded for “demonstrating excellent learning behaviours” in things like listening, curiosity, risk-taking, perseverance, independence, cooperation, and resilience. I can also see whether he’s been awarded them as an individual or if the whole class got the point.

So far my child is receiving 3 to 5 points per week, 2-3 points have been awarded to the whole class.

The child who scores the most points in each class each week, receives recognition in assembly and a certificate I think. So far the top scores in his class have been 18 and 24!

I’m taking this far harder than my child! (who doesn’t mention it unless I ask). I can’t decide whether to
a) feel upset that my child’s obvious brilliance is being overlooked 😉
b) feel I’m failing as a parent as clearly my child is not demonstrating sufficient excellence at any of these 7 key qualities
c) be annoyed that the teacher must be awarding around 150-200 points a week, which I take to be one every 10 minutes, when they could be focusing on other children.

I think mostly I’m taking it personally and feel my parenting is being scored every day, and it’s stressing me out more than anything!

AIBU to be upset and stressed by this scoring system?

You sound way too invested. Yeah, I genuinely mean this if you are crying over this seek professional help no this is no way normal

C. It's a silly system and not a good way to teach, plus a waste of time too. I wouldn't really see it as a judgement on your parenting, I just don't think children should be being rewarded for behavior that should just be expected

Shouldn’t I be invested in whether my child is doing well in school?

I think some of these systems are put in place to encourage students that struggle with some things, to boost them and reward good behaviour. A well behaved child may not need that sort of encouragement.

I suspect the children that are getting all of those points are the PTA chair’s kids and are also about to play Mary and Joseph in the Nativity for the next five years. It’s probably better that your child is not that child, and they sound lovely anyway. Also, I expect probably some points are being awarded to some kids as positive reinforcement, and your child is probably good nearly all of the time so doesn’t need that, if that makes sense. Yes, that is unfair too.

Thank you. I think what is also annoying me is that the class did a practice SATS test the other day. My DS wouldn’t have thought to tell me about it and that’s fine. Except his classmate ran out and told his parent “guess what, I only got 2 wrong and I got 2 points for that!” Clearly he did the best in class, good for him. I asked my DS how he got on in the test and he’s said he didn’t know, only his classmate knew as he’d done the best.

I don’t necessarily need to know my son’s result at this stage, but I’m annoyed I know someone else’s test result but not my own DS.

You are being ridiculous. There are (likely) 30 children in the class, the teacher will be working hard to teach the new learning, meet all the different SEN needs, deal with the ever increasing paperwork. Just be grateful your child has previously received good reports and is obviously doing okay. It's not a reflection on your parenting and not everyone can be top of the class. I know this is rude but why don't you have better things to worry about? Honestly I'm beyond sick of parents.

What the hell are you on about?
How on earth would you suspect that the kids being awarded points are children of the PTA? That is absolute garbage.

I’m not surprised by the kids who scored well, they’re nice kids who my DS is good friends with. I don’t think they received points as positive reinforcement, I think they got them on merit. I’m more surprised at the vast difference between my son (4 points) and 24 points. I think I don’t really understand why, and I can’t question anybody without seeming odd!

OP if the points are being published to everyone, in a list, you could gently ask the teacher if there is anything they would like your help improving upon at home. You could say "Clearly they aren't regularly getting points so they must need support in some areas"

I didn’t say it was my only worry, but I know how to deal with other things in my life. But in real life you can’t turn to the other parents or teacher and say I don’t understand why my child isn’t getting more points, should I be worried!

No, they’re not being published in a list. You can see what your own child got. Then I might ask “who got the most points this week?” but that’s it. I don’t know what those children are getting their points for. I don’t know if one child is getting 24 and the others are all getting 4 or 5. I find that frustrating because clearly you can’t ask everyone or show that you care that much!

But yes, you’re right, that is a way I could approach it, thank you.

I do feel though, if I interfere, and then my child gets more points, I won’t know whether it was because I interfered or not! So I probably won’t say anything to the teacher…

What a load of utter bollocks!

If it makes you feel any better, I was so say at the 'top' for English and Art, and never received a single ''team point'' for this, and used to get them deducted for talking in class.
My classmates in the Red Team would get cross and say 'Oak's been talking and lost us team points! - whereas the kids who struggled were awarded loads!
''Blue Team has won the Cup this week!''...

Stupid system. This would fuck me off massively.

Op - you are right in so much as you are concerned for your child and their achievements, but the system is bollocks and you need to happy in that your child is doing well, popular and contented in day to day life. This ‘reward’ system is nonsense.

It really is a wankerish system.
Teachers trying to get kids to behave via points.

Years ago there used to be silver stars- or gold stars! 🌟 these were stuck in exercise books, and WERE worth having.

They were given for 'good work'..Still love a gold star.

Here, @PurpleRains ,these are for your son! ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

Thank you. I normally love an App, but I hate this one! Stupid thing right there on my phone every day.

❤️ thank you x

If I disappear it’s because my phone battery is about to die and then I’ll try going back to sleep. Thank you all for your comments, I need to get this in perspective x

Could you delete the app?

No, it’s cleverly designed for the child to interact with it 😡 Plus I do want to praise him when he gets a point, and ask him to tell me about his risk-taking or whatever. You know what it’s like, you get so few insights into their school day, any in road is good!

I take it this is ClassDojo?

If you are really bothered, speak to the teacher. If your child is bothered speak to the teacher.

The worst thing our school did was give parents access to it for this exact reason. I simply don't gave the time to explain to parents the whys and wherefores of their child's point tally.

The truth is, it's not an exact science nor a completely accurate reflection. It can't be because it's only one of millions of things we have to do so they end up being given out to recognise a specific focus, eg times when we want to encourage a particular skill eg showing curiosity; to motivate a particular child; to recognise group effort or co-operation.

They can't always be given immediately. So, if a child is given an ad hoc point by a member of staff because they opened a door for them when they had their hands full without being asked, the child has to remember to tell their teacher and some children are more bothered about them than others.

Some children are more motivated by extrinsic motivations than others and simply won't make a good choice unless there is the promise of a dojo. For those who think that is 'wankerish' or dine to control their behaviour, well, yes. Presumably, you want your child to learn? Sometimes, we have to find a way to encourage some children to behave in a way that enables your child to do that.

Unfortunately, it is a bit of a shit system. It can't possibly accurately reflect the efforts and achievements of every single child.

Ultimately, don't worry about it. If you want to speak to the teacher, do. If a parent asks me how their child is doing, I don't mind. If they ask if there is something they can do better, I don't mind. I wouldn’t award more points just because a parent had asked about it. Scrutinising point awarded is fruitless.

Kindly, you're over thinking.

PPs have explained it. The system isn't perfect but it works for some.

Next time you see the teacher you could ask about what you can do to support him getting more points.

The thing about him not knowing his score, had he forgotten and the other child hadn't? Wouldn't they all have seen their papers? __

I think it’s one thing being peeved that your well-behaved, bright child isn’t getting many points and wondering why - and quite another lying in bed crying about it.

Kindly, that’s just a bit bonkers.

School systems often aren’t fair and I totally get the feeling of burning injustice. But do yourself a favour and try to forget it - you are lucky to have a child who is performing well in school, has friends, and isn’t getting himself in a tizz about trivial nonsense.

My DD is autistic and has additional and significant language processing difficulties. Every half term a Champion was awarded. She never, ever got it. One form entry so by the time she reached the last year of primary, more or less every other child in her year had received it at least once. She was performing well academically, friendly, worked well in groups, cheerful etc. The reason - apparently- that she wasn’t picked was because she didn’t speak up enough in class. The fact that it takes her much longer to process verbal instructions so was often struggling to keep up with whole class discussions was apparently irrelevant. She was very vocal in small groups as she could keep up with the pace more easily. Literally refused the award because of her (officially diagnosed) disability. Fucking arses.

Also, I was deputy chair of the PTA and a school governor - so I clearly missed those perks that a PP alluded to 😂🤷‍♀️

Save your tears. Your DS isn’t bothered and that’s the main thing. I promise you that there will be other things that crop up that will be far more worthy of being upset about! Your lad sounds cracking.