To be kept awake by class scoring system?

[PurpleRains]

I’ve been lying in bed crying, so I think I might be being ridiculous, but here goes…

I have a lovely DS, aged 7, Year 2. At parents evening a couple of weeks ago I was told there were no concerns academically, some of his maths is at mastery level, and he is a good role model to his classmates, he is calm, sensible and friendly to others. When he has play dates at other people’s houses I’m told he’s been a pleasure, and he’s invited back. In other words, I’m confident my child is a good kid.

Here’s my problem… 3 weeks ago, the school introduced a new points system. Previously it was some kind of chart at school, and when they reached so many points they were allowed to choose something from a range of stationery items. I don’t think my child got loads of points, it didn’t really rate high on my day to day life unless he wanted to tell me.

The new system is an app. I can log on at anytime and see throughout the day whether my child has been awarded any points. Points are awarded for “demonstrating excellent learning behaviours” in things like listening, curiosity, risk-taking, perseverance, independence, cooperation, and resilience. I can also see whether he’s been awarded them as an individual or if the whole class got the point.

So far my child is receiving 3 to 5 points per week, 2-3 points have been awarded to the whole class.

The child who scores the most points in each class each week, receives recognition in assembly and a certificate I think. So far the top scores in his class have been 18 and 24!

I’m taking this far harder than my child! (who doesn’t mention it unless I ask). I can’t decide whether to
a) feel upset that my child’s obvious brilliance is being overlooked 😉
b) feel I’m failing as a parent as clearly my child is not demonstrating sufficient excellence at any of these 7 key qualities
c) be annoyed that the teacher must be awarding around 150-200 points a week, which I take to be one every 10 minutes, when they could be focusing on other children.

I think mostly I’m taking it personally and feel my parenting is being scored every day, and it’s stressing me out more than anything!

AIBU to be upset and stressed by this scoring system?

The problem with the App, is that the parents who care read it and worry, the parents that should read it care and worry don't bother looking at the App.

Silver star for guessing whose children the Dojo system is aimed at.

Gold star for correlating that to the children who are always late, whose parents square up to the teacher and who park like entitled cunts.

Behaviour in primary schools currently should shock the pants off ALL parents.

The reality is that Schools have children for 6 hours a day. The kids of the non-App readers go home and are unparented for 18.

You are not being a bad parent by deleting this app. You dont need this granular level of detail about your sons day. Parents evning or the odd check in over a term will be enough. I promise you. Delete and move on.

We did points in high school. We all started on 100points and earned points for good stuff and had points taken away for bad behaviour or similar. I went through the hole school year with the same 100 points! I was good achedmicly and helpful and friendly but mainly just consistent, so my normal day to day effort was not recognised. The girl and boy who had the most points were not the brightest in the class so got points when they did extra well on a task and also were very people pleasing personality. The naughty kids also did well cause they would have points taken off one week and then extra points the next week just for behaviour that was expected. It pissed me right off. Just a stupid system.
Praise your little one for his effort and support his internal reward system and work ethics rather than chasing rewards from others.

As others have said, many of these systems are intended as behaviour management tools and of course they do seem unfair. But if the less well-behaved and well-regulated children can be managed successfully it does benefit the whole class to have a calm and productive room.

That said, it is very unfair to always overlook the consistently well-behaved and sensible children.

You're looking at it all wrong. It's a whole CLASS behaviour management tool rather than individualised to your child or a reflection of him as a pupil/person.

The problem with the App, is that the parents who care read it and worry, the parents that should read it care and worry don't bother looking at the App.

No, the problem with the app (like so many other apps) is that it is a massive distraction amd time waster for parents who have no context of the wider goings on in the classroom.

Yes to all of this.

You do sound way too invested in this op. I mean that in the gentlest way.

I’m a teacher and if you came to me crying about a class point system I’d politely suggest that you see our family support worker because I’d be concerned for you. Not in a “that parent” way, genuine concern for your well-being.

It’s a stupid system. My dd had similar in the class dojo app last year. But I’m not sure if the winner got anything at all- she seemed to forget about it really so I stopped looking at it.

shes in the juniors now and they seem to have a much better system. When the class collectively get a certain number of points (which aren’t on this app anymore), they get a whole class treat.

Soeaking as a mum who was inclined to obsess over these things, I look back and wish I had given it less headspace. The DT’s prep put a big emphasis on house points, which were awarded for any and everything. Kids recorded them on cards which they kept in their desks and the teachers added points daily. When rhe class were dismissed they would trot over and announce Five house points today! Or a sad No house points. One mum commiserated with her child who hadn’t scored many and he responded ‘But mummy, that’s what we go to school for!’

But the ‘winning’ child gets an award?

Hilarious that people think teachers give a shit about the PTA and seek to reward their children with house points and parts in the nativity 😂

I feel your pain.

They do in our school! 🙃

School awards are always engineered so that all children get one eventually- the teachers keep a list! No doubt the teachers at this school are engineering the Dojo system to manage behaviour- the best children might be getting less at the moment because they are trying to reinforce positive behaviour for the worst behaved, but no doubt everyone's turn will come.

Have a listen to Dr Naomi Fisher on why these classroom systems can be so demotivating.
Work with your child on developing his own value system rather than expecting external validation - this might require more work on yourself not to put these values on your child.

Absolutely stupid and horrible system. And we wonder why our kids are growing up so anxious. I'm glad to hear your DS isn't bothered, it sounds like he's a lovely little chap and doing really well.

Schools are in the difficult position of having to try to motivate a large number of children, with differing abilities. It’s great that your child doesn’t seem particularly bothered- I would follow his lead if I were you. The feedback you’ve received about him individually sounds great and is much more relevant.

Our school have, among other things a handwriting certificate that they give out weekly. My eldest never got this, despite having lovely handwriting. My second has received it a few times- he struggles a lot more with his writing, so I can see they are using this to encourage him in weeks where he tries hard with this. I think this is fine. There’s probably a better system where children are rewarded for effort in things they find tricky- and schools do try and do this to an extent, but fundamentally it’s not possible to come up with system that suits everyone.

I think it’s so important to be able to separate yourself from the arbitrary systems that people will always put in place to measure your worth and value- in all walks of life. Of course they have their place, but retaining a sense that, even if you struggle with something, or are good at another thing- neither thing is crucial to your overall sense of being a decent human.

Well , a mum that cries herself to sleep over class dojo points is very likely to end up with an anxious child. That's not because of class dojo though.

I thought these points and stickers for the whole class and especially publicly had been stopped years ago. But clearly not.

An only child?

Shouldn’t I be invested in whether my child is doing well in school?

He is doing well. You know that. You don't need this stupid points system to validate him.

These kind of behaviour policies are rubbish and not the way to go; there’s loads of evidence around this now and very backward thinking, for exactly this type of reason. It’s great your son isn’t bothered by it. My DD at that age, would have been devastated about not being recognised despite trying hard.
⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

I work in a school and see first hand how the PTA works. Parents who join the PTA are usually the type of parents who are well organised, outgoing and mix well. They help their child's school raise money for the good of all the children. They are supportive of the school. There's little to be gained for themselves. Their children often have similar qualities which makes them the best children to be lead roles in school productions- I see teachers choosing and auditioning children for plays and whether their parent is a PTA member never enters the arena- suitability for the role and whether the child can learn the lines, has the confidence to stand up on stage and is unlikely to crumble at the crucial moment is always priority.

Parents who hang back, don't join in and bitch about the PTA on anonymous forums usually have children who are like them- less confident, lacking social skills and struggling to support others.

Oh please . Judgemental much .

You don’t know me. You don’t know my school ( I presume ) so please stop with the lecture.
I am not a PTA member. My child was head girl, if that has any context in your judgmental opinion.

I have seen first hand how some, not all, PTA parents are and how some, not all, teachers respond to this.

Jeez. 🙄