To be kept awake by class scoring system?

[PurpleRains]

I’ve been lying in bed crying, so I think I might be being ridiculous, but here goes…

I have a lovely DS, aged 7, Year 2. At parents evening a couple of weeks ago I was told there were no concerns academically, some of his maths is at mastery level, and he is a good role model to his classmates, he is calm, sensible and friendly to others. When he has play dates at other people’s houses I’m told he’s been a pleasure, and he’s invited back. In other words, I’m confident my child is a good kid.

Here’s my problem… 3 weeks ago, the school introduced a new points system. Previously it was some kind of chart at school, and when they reached so many points they were allowed to choose something from a range of stationery items. I don’t think my child got loads of points, it didn’t really rate high on my day to day life unless he wanted to tell me.

The new system is an app. I can log on at anytime and see throughout the day whether my child has been awarded any points. Points are awarded for “demonstrating excellent learning behaviours” in things like listening, curiosity, risk-taking, perseverance, independence, cooperation, and resilience. I can also see whether he’s been awarded them as an individual or if the whole class got the point.

So far my child is receiving 3 to 5 points per week, 2-3 points have been awarded to the whole class.

The child who scores the most points in each class each week, receives recognition in assembly and a certificate I think. So far the top scores in his class have been 18 and 24!

I’m taking this far harder than my child! (who doesn’t mention it unless I ask). I can’t decide whether to
a) feel upset that my child’s obvious brilliance is being overlooked 😉
b) feel I’m failing as a parent as clearly my child is not demonstrating sufficient excellence at any of these 7 key qualities
c) be annoyed that the teacher must be awarding around 150-200 points a week, which I take to be one every 10 minutes, when they could be focusing on other children.

I think mostly I’m taking it personally and feel my parenting is being scored every day, and it’s stressing me out more than anything!

AIBU to be upset and stressed by this scoring system?

I am a teacher and my school uses Dojos. I’m not too keen on them but SLT and some parents like them. When a child ‘earns’ a Dojo, I tell THE CHILD to put it on, using the interactive screen. I can double check if this has been done correctly and the children know I can check so there’s no misuse. However, I have a handful of children who don’t bother to put their Dojos up because they are not interested in them. I feel this is their choice and it’s healthy not needing the external motivation but being self-satisfied on doing a good job or being a kind person.

Teacher here. I find those ideas really archaic and useless. The middle if the road kids get overlooked, high achievers get lots (or less as teacher is used to their excellence), and children with behavioural issues either get massively rewarded for a basic task, or feel crap because they never get enough points.

I'm genuinely surprised to hear schools are still doing this.

P.S if your DS isn't bothered, definitely don't bting it up and just keep being your good self and reward/praise at home for effort and attitude.

These types of systems are crap, and usually put in place to support the children who can't do all the things your son can.

Unfortunately, those naturally well-behaved hard-working kids tend to get over-looked because they don't cause the dramas in class that some other children do.

My two both sound like your son, just nice kids. They have moaned a bit in the past about the system, and I just said what I've said to you. I've also emphasized to them that they are very lucky to be bright, kind and well-liked, and are likely to have easier, simpler lives when they're older than their classmates who struggle.

So much here to take in!

Firstly, we were (mostly) all parents once for the first time, navigating new stages in life. I accept that I am over-reacting to this, but I took it at face value - by implementing this new system, I believed the school wanted me to see how many points my child was getting and somehow as a parent act accordingly. Should I be praising him? Encouraging him to get more? Working on things he didn’t get points for?

In amongst full-time work, another child under 1, Christmas, life admin, etc, I couldn’t work out what my response should be. We do the homework, we do reading, we do interesting stuff. I know the children who were getting top points, they’re not the naughty children, they high achievers. Yes they may well be better academically than my child but the point system is not set out like that, so I couldn’t understand the discrepancy.

For those who think I’m that parent, narcissistic, and have made this all about me.… I know my child is his own person, what he likes, dislikes, his personality is all down to him. But surely our role as parents is to develop good behaviour such as listening, resilience, perseverance and independence etc. So yes, it is about parenting and what I can do help him develop those skills. If I’m doing the wrong thing then I want to know about it now so I can change/improve.

But I really respect my child’s teacher and the job they have to do. I had no intention of this being a thread to criticise teachers, and I have no intention of going crying to his teacher over the points system, or actually taking up any of their time when there is so much to do.

I will quietly sit it out and see how it develops. It might be that every child gets their turn at being top. If I still feel this way by next parent’s evening I will gently raise the subject in a considered way.

Thank you all for your time and considered responses.

And to all the teachers out there, this really wasn’t a criticism. You do any amazing job for our children, thank you.

Haven't read the full thread, but as an ex teacher I can say, it's usually the ones that have their hand up answering questions all the time, scoring well in tests, doing amazing homework etc that get the most points. Also, the naughty ones tend to get a lot as they are rewarded for being good. It's the quiet ones that just get on with their work that tend to get missed. Sounds like your son falls into this group in the class. It takes a while for a teacher to recognise these ones but when they do they start rewarding them for being consistently good. I suppose as he's not yet a full term in he's not being noticed yet.

Maybe encourage your son to put his hand up to answer questions? Maybe you can ask the teacher how he can improve. This will put him in the teachers mind and they will start noticing him more and start awarding him etc.

It’s just one big ol game. Daft and unrelated to real life but that’s school for you unfortunately. Teachers, kids and parents are equally at the mercy of these silly systems.

PTA stands for parent teacher association, the whole concept is that it's parents and teachers working together, in our school 2 teachers from each school (infants and juniors) come to pta meetings and many teachers help out at pta events. Like the governing board, it's a joint effort to make the school a bit better. So tra hers should definitely 'give a shit' about the pta. Although they shouldn't give their children preferential treatment

There’s a similar system at DC’s school, they call them ‘house points’. DS currently has 7. DD has 33 - because she’s learnt how to ‘play the system’ 🤣. She figured out early on it’s about offering to help put chairs away, tidy up pencils etc it’s a bit of a sport for her. But in the grand scheme of things, it really doesn’t matter, and DS with his 7 points completely takes the piss out of DD for sucking up to the teachers!

But this isn’t about how well he is doing in school, it’s about who has recieved points in an app.

Yes, you should. But these points don't seem to equate with doing well at school - so they are best ignored, unless your child is upset. In which case, you reward him yourself for his hard work. You will see no end of unfairness right up through the school system. But rest assured - GCSEs are obviously externally marked so your child will receive a fair grade for what he writes.

It's unimportant, I wouldn't worry about it. From my experience working in classrooms, they are often awarded to the children who struggle to follow instructions the most, as an incentive. This obviously has an effect on children who generally behave well and try hard all the time. I would just let it go, but if your child is upset by it you could explain that to him.

But do you think this benefits the children who isn't focusing? They are just learning that they are rewarded more for doing less than others. As adults we can reason that 'their less may still be harder work than the other for whom it comes more naturally'. But thinking that a 6 year old can get their head round this concept and rationalise that its fair is very unrealistic.

My oldest had a disruptive but bright girl in her class last year (year 3) she would boast about being naughty in the morning but then good in the afternoon so she would get extra points for 'improving' ' self regulating'.

It's a rubbish system, built on children needing external validation rather than developing inner confidence and pride.
OP, the fact your child isn't bothered is credit to you in building his inner self worth, and you should be proud.

My DS doesn’t get many points. They tend to give them to the children who need motivation/ more positive praise. Your DS is doing really well. Some other kids will be struggling academically and the teachers are trying to keep their chin up. Don’t think about it

I would be just like you Purple, but try to drop it out of your mind and not let yourself look as it could get addictive in the way looking for ‘likes’ is!

Actually it seems pretty cool for your dc to be not particularly needing pats, yet rolling along and getting on so very well with classmates, teacher and work. Slipping under the radar of too much attention can leave a person less burdened. Well done to your dc.

@PurpleRains I was meaning your dc is getting on well at school. Forget the school reward points.

My ds soon worked out (year 3/4) that the points went to the handful of very eager children who put their hand up for everything and to the naughty and disruptive ones to reward them whenever they weren’t naughty for a short while. The ones who go on with things quietly were missed.

OMG. I think you are seriously over invested in a school star system. It’s okay to be invested but to be at home crying? Please get some perspective.

Thats life. You get rewarded or you don’t. There are specific things the teacher is looking for and your kid didn’t do them - but this doesn’t make them a bad kid or not paying attention or performing poorly. Your kid doesn’t seem to care and honestly crying about a reward chart is worrying.

Teach your kid resilience, working toward what is being asked, that life sometimes doesn’t go the way they want, that they can’t be awesome at everything, that sometimes they can be overlooked but it doesn’t make them wrong etc. That would be a far better spend of time.

I think you need not to give this any importance. I have worked in several schools and also am a parent. These things rarely work fairly and often over time, the DCs ignore them. At my last school, we had nothing except house points and I preferred this. One rogue teacher unilateral started using dojos and that was a disaster. She let kids add their own points and the naughty kids added loads they hadn't earned. The head told her to get rid of it.

YABU. Chill out. They had a points system at my DS's secondary school, it's not a big thing.

The system is a total pain.
What happens is SLT and random adults around the school tell the kids they can have a Dojo, who then tell their teacher, who then has to add it on to the system. To do a whole classworth at the end of the day can take at least 10 minutes. It's open to abuse by the DC, the children argue amongst themselves, the adults are inconsistent ( as in, one adult gives 1 point for being helpful, but another gives 10,) and the well-behaved quiet children are still overlooked while the noisy "lively" ones jostle to get on every bandwagon there is.."I did that too, so I get a Dojo too" or " Miss said that everyone who helped gets 5 dojos and I was there so .."
The winning class then gets extra play, while their teacher still has to get their class to the same place as the parallel classes, but with 15 minutes less to do it in.
The system sucks, same as most reward charts.

This 😂 couldn’t tell you who is on our PTA tbh!

In my school only one member of the senior leadership team attends meetings, and we see the PTA Mum squad at the Christmas fayre. They definitely do not improve the school and 99% of the staff couldn’t name them unless they are a parent of a child in our classes. I’m not a fan as either a teacher or a parent - in the schools I’ve worked in they have been mostly ineffective and it just all seems a bit wet to me, like you don’t have enough to do to fill your own life. Maybe they are invaluable in other schools.

your dd isnt playing the system, she is being manipulated into complying exactly the way the system intends!

Do you know what the PTFA do?