To be kept awake by class scoring system?

[PurpleRains]

I’ve been lying in bed crying, so I think I might be being ridiculous, but here goes…

I have a lovely DS, aged 7, Year 2. At parents evening a couple of weeks ago I was told there were no concerns academically, some of his maths is at mastery level, and he is a good role model to his classmates, he is calm, sensible and friendly to others. When he has play dates at other people’s houses I’m told he’s been a pleasure, and he’s invited back. In other words, I’m confident my child is a good kid.

Here’s my problem… 3 weeks ago, the school introduced a new points system. Previously it was some kind of chart at school, and when they reached so many points they were allowed to choose something from a range of stationery items. I don’t think my child got loads of points, it didn’t really rate high on my day to day life unless he wanted to tell me.

The new system is an app. I can log on at anytime and see throughout the day whether my child has been awarded any points. Points are awarded for “demonstrating excellent learning behaviours” in things like listening, curiosity, risk-taking, perseverance, independence, cooperation, and resilience. I can also see whether he’s been awarded them as an individual or if the whole class got the point.

So far my child is receiving 3 to 5 points per week, 2-3 points have been awarded to the whole class.

The child who scores the most points in each class each week, receives recognition in assembly and a certificate I think. So far the top scores in his class have been 18 and 24!

I’m taking this far harder than my child! (who doesn’t mention it unless I ask). I can’t decide whether to
a) feel upset that my child’s obvious brilliance is being overlooked 😉
b) feel I’m failing as a parent as clearly my child is not demonstrating sufficient excellence at any of these 7 key qualities
c) be annoyed that the teacher must be awarding around 150-200 points a week, which I take to be one every 10 minutes, when they could be focusing on other children.

I think mostly I’m taking it personally and feel my parenting is being scored every day, and it’s stressing me out more than anything!

AIBU to be upset and stressed by this scoring system?

It’s a shite system. Carrot on a stick to bring lower achievers up and control behaviour with point scoring bribery. Your child is already doing everything asked of them so unfortunately they won’t be getting as many points as the lower achievers and the more boisterous of kids. Had two kids go through this crap. Teachers need to learn how to manage their classes better rather than setting kids against each other.

Look he's probably a good sort who flies under the radar a bit. Don't ask him who got the most points, or you are likely to indicate your disappointment. Just ask him what one thing he did well/enjoyed that week, write them down on a chart and do him a points based system where you can reward him for little things you notice he does well. Your approval means the most!

The point systems are ridiculous. My child always well behaved/pleasant to have in class etc and would get average. One of his friends got loads...because he'd offer to give out worksheets/offer to help the teacher as his parents told him to etc.
Some children respond well to points and others less so.

Is there any chance this point scoring is discouraging him?

We had a points system at my primary school and it had the opposite effect on me. I was quite an anxious child, which I tried desperately to hide, and the thought of getting a certificate in front of everyone in assembly terrified me. I didn’t want to tell anyone I was scared of it, so I just didn’t try to get any points.

This is quite simple, the children with the most points are the ones that are difficult or badly behaved. From experience, the points are awarded if they sit still, don’t shout out, wait their turn etc etc, it has very little to do with how the child is performing academically. Think of it like a sticker chart at home to encourage good behaviour. My son now 20 and diagnosed ASD would receive many points for things listed above, however my very well behaved daughter, didn’t receive that many. I never questioned her academic ability, because I knew how it worked. All changed when my dd went to secondary school, she really made up for all that good behaviour 🙄🤣

Maybe the teacher is awarding them to kids who are showing progress rather than just sputtering along. It sounds like your DS is doing really well and if the points are for academic achievement etc then maybe he doesn’t get points because he can’t improve any further in his current class. If it’s not bothering him that he’s not getting many points, why is it you? If his achievements are being recognised outside of the points system at parents evenings etc and you are rewarding him what’s the issue with him not getting stationary off the school? We had a merit system in primary school and we only had two kids in the whole time my year the whole time I was there get 30 and they were the proper brown nosing kids. I’m not unintelligent, I just did enough to get good marks and that was good enough for me. My parents rewarded me if I got a certificate or did well on a test so I didn’t feel like I needed the merits

OP if it's anything like my kids school you only have to worry about this in year 1 and 2, by the time they reach yr 3 everyone has given up on this system 😂

What a rubbish system? The problem with any system is that it can embarrass a struggling child. Many children after a sustained period will think, "Sod it.", and struggle. Stars in workbooks are so much better. Far more personal, and not pushing it in the face of kids who struggle. With your son receiving low marks it probably shows that the app is a dud.

We recently went to an open day where two reception children got points for holding the door open (she said one child’s name gets a point and the other waited, still holding the door open until she said their name too). She then asked a girl and a boy to come stand in front of us to show us the uniform and they both got a point. So maybe the points are just for random things like that?

I think you need to be really careful not to let your DS see you are feeling so invested and anxious about this.

It is daft. I hate our school for attendance awards, maths awards, times tables awards and then there’s 4 awards which should be given per class per week, but actually it’s mostly just the two awards and they’re given to the same girls (occasionally they will throw a boy in there for good measure but always one of 3 PTFA mums) and the other awards always go to the kids with SAHMs who can sit with their kids whilst they do their homework and have extra time to perfect their times tables scores on the app. All these things do is just make my child feel stupid.

I suspect that this system is flawed because your child is one of those pupils who demonstrates these qualities all the time and so it doesn’t stand out as much as say, little Johnny who is a total nightmare, but suddenly decides to focus and scores points!

I'm a former primary school teacher and I DESPISE these points systems. For the most part they're an attempt to get the children with behaviour problems or learning difficulties to try harder/comply. What ends up happening is that the challenging children (for whatever reason) and the really bright stars get loads. Those amazing kids who hover along in the middle, no bother, getting their work done and keeping their heads down, tend to get overlooked. The teacher isn't at fault, the system in place is.

I also would ask them to stop publicly putting the points up there as there's the potential for other parents to judge kids unfairly. That's wildly unacceptable.

I'd also tell you that it sounds like your child is wonderful and part of the reason that his teacher is still upright at this point in the longest term in creation.

The Occuplaytional Therapist has a thought provoking perspective on this kind of reward system - this is part of a longer post, but what stood out for me is this part:

This is not “classroom management”. This is desperation; this is a lack of relationship connection with students, a heart-to-heart bond being replaced with a carrot and a stick. This is what you do if you believe—if you know—that school isn’t already inherently a place of connection and delight, that the adults aren’t already on the kids’ team. You pit them against one another and you hold tight to the ability to selectively leave them out, in hopes it will make their brain kick into enough of a fear-driven response to be able to push themselves further than their mental health would typically allow for.

www.facebook.com/occuplaytional/posts/pfbid0dA5iLsivcyHARMvsyWcG7Z4tiFoqNbu8bq5vaBPxhpm118WyRNAfvpM5sQSNpvYRl

Wow! I haven't heard about those in a while.

Are you a Resilient Rosie? Or an Independent Ian?

Unfortunately these types of systems tend to reward the students who are failing or who have the worst behaviour because they get points for acting as they should be already. Because your child is hard-working and well-behaved he won't get points.

You could explain this to your DS unless you think he will go into school and say exactly that.

I'd create a Reward System at home. I'd also talk to the teacher about the bias created by the App and explain how de-motivated your child is becoming. How he no longer sees the point in doing his best or working hard when it's not acknowledged... (I do love a bit of emotive language. Extra points for Direct Address and Rhetorical Questions such as "How would YOU feel if this was happening to you?")

We use dojo and have points, I don’t know if there is a leaderboard but they do have an assembly where all the children get a certificate if they get a certain amount of points, 25,50,100 etc. They then get their name on the wall.

I do feel like they just hand these points out for anything, when I went for a 25 certificate literally every child in their class got one. We were there for ages.

I don’t check daily or ask what they got the points for, I will check from time to time if another message pops up. We can also give dojos for stuff at home so I tend to give one for homework or good reading or behaviour. I don’t know if home points are included in the overall total.

Don’t stress, when I was younger I was given “merits” in school and my parents didn’t have a clue 😂

@LimeYellow is your ds who does well competitive?

I have one that is competitive and he actively listens to the instruction on how to gain the points and plays to the system. This isn't a criticism, but that is what the system is for.

I have one that is very charming and always puts in great effort and he doesn't do as well. He cares about the points just not as much, he is never top or bottom of the table.

There isn't a chance my second ds would come home from school and be looking at a list of bones in the body and their length so he can do well on a random test... he just wouldn't be that motivated.

It really sounds like a shitty and unfair system. I would write to the school and object to the system. They won't listen though.

Hear hear.

With all respect you are going to need to work on your resilience. Unfortunately you'll experience worse set backs for your children as they get older so if you can't deal with this, you are in for a rough ride. Save your emotional energy for the things that actually impact your kids. This is complete nothingness.