To not date him any more?

[kay770]

Wasn't really looking to meet anyone but met a nice man through work.

We get along well, he seems very nice so far, funny, we have good chat etc but I haven't felt that "wow" feeling yet.

Been on 3 dates.

Date 1- split the bill, absolutely fine no issues with this. Pub meal and drink around £30 total for both.

Date 2- small restaurant and the waitress was being awkward about splitting the bill, I had my card out so just paid and said we would sort it later. He said "I'll get the meal the next time we go out". This was around £60 for both.

Date 3- lunch deal in a small local bar/restaurant. £20 for both of us including drink. When waitress approached to take payment I was expecting him to pay given the previous conversation, however when she asked he said "we will split it" so we each paid half.

It's given me a bit of the ick and I'm not sure I want to go on any more dates.

I'm fine with going halves, it's fair after all. But it's put me off that I've paid for a far more expensive meal out, and then he couldn't even get me a cheap lunch on return? It still wouldn't have been "even" as such but it's just the gesture would have been nice!

I don't know his financial situation, but he's in a more senior role to me.

AIBU not to date him any more? Or is this normal in this day and age (haven't dated in a while!)

YANBU! Meanness is unattractive.

Is it possible he said to split the third date because it wasn't like for like with the one you paid?

I'd wait to see if he suggests dinner for the fourth date. If not, bin him. If he does, let him pay/don't split. Gauge how proactive he is about paying it all too. If he's reluctant at all, bin him.

Is it possible he said to split the third date because it wasn't like for like with the one you paid?

I'd wait to see if he suggests dinner for the fourth date. If not, bin him. If he does, let him pay/don't split. Gauge how proactive he is about paying it all too. If he's reluctant at all, bin him.

No you are right. You're seeing the very best of him now at the start of the dating process and it's never going to get better than this. If he is senior to you and earn more money than he should've paid the more expensive bill. I'm thinking of all the really nice guys I know and I can't imagine them sitting there and letting someone who earns less pay the bill.

That's no explanation! he owed her a £30 meal so instead of getting her £10 meal and saying 'I will get drinks next time as well' or something to acknowledge it wasn't equal he just let her spend even more of her money? Rubbish.

I wouldn't have even been bothered about it not been "even", and thinking he still owed me or anything, I'm not like that it's all about the gesture to me.

In the beginning, to come across a bit "mean" or "stingy" is just giving me unattractive vibes.

I suppose you could ask when he’s treating you. See the reaction?

I won’t too … trust your gut instincts

Chill out. I would do it like you said but some people are quite rigid in their thinking I.e. I owe her dinner, and this wasnt dinner. It doesn't register or they think it gets too messy/like score keeping. Sometimes it's easier to do like for like.

I'd be interested to know who suggested the third date venue though which would poke holes in my suggestion!

We also had to drive into town centre and had to pay for parking. I offered to pay for that and did so as we went in his car and I think that's fair and a nice gesture.

I am chill, I'm just disagreeing with you. I also think you should raise your bar if you think this would be a reasonable excuse for a man to behave this way!

In future if you're 3 dates in and £30 down on a man don't offer to pay for anything else! 3 dates in is no investment at all so stop being overly generous.

Like I say he's senior to me but I of course don't know his full financial situation. I know he will earn more but that's it.

He rents and I have a mortgage. I have dependent children and he doesn't.

My ex earned more than me, he'd always insist on paying but we mostly would alternate when we went out because I like to pay my way. Sometimes he'd get the more expensive ones and maybe the next meal that I got would be at a cheaper place but I think it's just the gesture that means more to me... I'd never want anyone to think I was mean or stingy!

My bar is fine thank you. I just accept that some people think in different ways to me. I've already said I would watch what he did next and the situation would either resolve itself or I'd dump him.

But you are certainly not chill, overreacting to my innocuous comment and trying to insult my bar/self esteem for no reason whatsoever.

@TheSilkWorm I suppose I'm a lot more down than that. As I've also had to pay for childcare/babysitters for dates! But that's my problem not his

I wouldn't date him any further as I would have been completely turned off when he didn't pay on the 3rd date (that was much cheaper anyway than what you had paid). And anyway when I started reading your thread I thought to myself the way you described him doesn't exactly sound like there any kind of chemistry between you two, and then sentence later you said you haven't felt 'wow' yet.

You're three dates in. If you're unhappy, I would stop; otherwise, the whole exercise is a waste of time and money.

I doubt you are ever going to get the wow feeling with this man.

I'm a bit worried that you have a mortgage and he rents. If he moved in with you he would see that as a financial benefit I think.

If he was a female friend who you'd just met and "she" was not being fair when it came to paying, you'd probably take a huge step back from the friendship.
You'd think she was a CF.
As you are actually going on dates with a potential new partner, you're more invested.
You may feel you want to give it more time to see how it plays out.
At this stage of your dating him, he should be 100% showing you all his good points, he isn't.
I don't think it will get any better.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

dont you feel able to raise it with him?
he cant be that forgetful can he?

I wouldn't raise it with him, because I think that would come across that I'm bothered about the money. Might make me look grabby.

I don't think I know him well enough either.

I said I haven't felt the wow but because he seemed nice and we do get on well, have a laugh, I thought I'd give it a chance.

I think I would have confronted him on date 3 when he said to split the bill, and remind him that it was his turn to pay. Then he could have rescued everything by saying, oh no, the meal you paid for was much more expensive, I'm planning on treating you to dinner at Posh Restaurant next week to make up for that.
However, he sounds a right stingy git, so I would be inclined to throw him back in.

He’s showing you his “best” side now. Bin him! That would have given me the ick too.

I've thought about the house thing too just in theory if it ever went further (I really don't think it will!).

I don't think I'd want someone to move in with me who didn't have their own asset as such or wasn't as financially stable as me... but I don't know if this is me being mean?

My ex and I both had houses and sold and combined together to get something better, which enhanced both our lives?

But I guess if I really fell in love with someone maybe I'd overcome those thoughts?

Maybe he thought it wasn't high enough to be equal.

But he should say that then.