To not date him any more?

[kay770]

Wasn't really looking to meet anyone but met a nice man through work.

We get along well, he seems very nice so far, funny, we have good chat etc but I haven't felt that "wow" feeling yet.

Been on 3 dates.

Date 1- split the bill, absolutely fine no issues with this. Pub meal and drink around £30 total for both.

Date 2- small restaurant and the waitress was being awkward about splitting the bill, I had my card out so just paid and said we would sort it later. He said "I'll get the meal the next time we go out". This was around £60 for both.

Date 3- lunch deal in a small local bar/restaurant. £20 for both of us including drink. When waitress approached to take payment I was expecting him to pay given the previous conversation, however when she asked he said "we will split it" so we each paid half.

It's given me a bit of the ick and I'm not sure I want to go on any more dates.

I'm fine with going halves, it's fair after all. But it's put me off that I've paid for a far more expensive meal out, and then he couldn't even get me a cheap lunch on return? It still wouldn't have been "even" as such but it's just the gesture would have been nice!

I don't know his financial situation, but he's in a more senior role to me.

AIBU not to date him any more? Or is this normal in this day and age (haven't dated in a while!)

He sounds really awful.
When dating I think it is wise to be hyper alert to any hint of meanness.
He should have transferred £30 to you.
The fact he didn't is not good.

Dates should've cost you.
He is mean and was nasty in his response to you when you declined further dates.

Meanness goes to the very core of a person.
I have NEVER known a genuinely lovely person who was tight with money.

Nice, kind, decent are incompatible with tight and mean IMO.

For women, we know there will be a chance there's a period in our lives, post kids, when we may well be financially dependant on a man. Finding out early on that a potential suitor is a bit stingy is something to consider. Yes I know there's lots you can do to make yourself less dependant but the child rearing years can make you financially vulnerable. Knowing he will share is important.

Not really a third date conversation obvs

You have definitely dodged a bullet.

Least you know you made the right decision .. stingy and nasty!

Omg what an absolute arsehole ( having read your updates)!!!

I'm glad you've ended it and no harm done. Better luck next time, op.

Wow, he's super rude and I obviously way out of line. The single moms comment, wtf.

Yeah, he's cheap and it's not a good look.

That's his pride talking, they always get defensive.

You're well out of it.

Please don't send any of these responses people are suggesting calling him stingy et cetera. There were a couple of acceptable responses.

No response, says a lot.

Or

👍🏻

@kay770 If he messages to arrange the next date . Make it a place like for like for the one you paid . Once it’s agreed say can’t wait as this one’s on you . 😊

You will get your answer from there .
It was maybe that it was a cheaper meal.
Sounds off putting but I’d have the convo I mentioned then decide. .

Isn’t it interesting , as soon as you say ‘no’ to a man you find out what he’s really like.

Well done @kay770 for trusting your instincts here.

I’ve always been someone who wants ti split the bill on dates.

however, I’ve noticed when dating the nicest guys always insist on paying. The ones who are in the slightest bit stingy always end up being arseholes

What a cheeky sod! Lucky escape OP imagine if you had a child with a man like that.

Ds2’s dad was stingy from the off go despite being a very high earner. He doesn’t contribute at all towards our child.

He used to use the same single mum insults when we split up but is still chasing single mothers. 😂The best response is no response. He wants to rile you up and will get a kick out of it. Block him!

You were spot on with your gut there - what a loser to send such a pathetic reply.

”Best of luck 👍” is all he needs back.

Good that you rejected him. Being treated a £30 meal from a stranger isn't something you should just forget.

What a nasty response from him - hitting you where he ‘thinks’ it’ll hurt you - really ‘negging’ you. What a petty, misogynistic creep.

Well done on binning him off.

I definitely didn't send anything nasty or negative in the message.

When we first started speaking I did say I hadn't been dating and not looking for anyone due to my personal situation (alone with kids, not much time/energy to date).

I just said along these lines- you're very nice and it's been lovely getting to know you however it's made me realise that as I knew, I don't have the time to put into getting to know anyone properly due to my personal situation. I hope things aren't awkward at work and we can still be friendly etc...

And that's the responses he sent

Even Ickier!

You were far too polite. Should have called him out of his tightness.

Gives them a chance to what pay for his dinner!!
what an absolute wanker.

Ooooooo, I would've have fun with him before blocking him 🤣🤣🤣.

I do hope he swerves single moms indeed- stingy, untrustworthy fucker 😆.

I think he is giving stingy vibes OP, but don’t stop seeing him yet, be aware and perhaps give him one more chance.

In terms of him not paying for the £20 lunch, he probably thought that as you’d paid for a £60 dinner, him paying for the lunch wouldn't balance out, so he agreed for you to split it, on the basis that he expects to pay for your next dinner.

Perhaps stop offering to pay for stuff, or split things if you don’t really want to, if he’s a bit stingy he’ll gladly accept the offer rather than politely declining and you’ll resent him and invariably dump him.

At least you know why he is single OP. What a prat.

Yep, what a nasty bellend alongside being tighter than a gnats arse. You e had a lucky escape there OP - bravo 👏

Send him a 🤣 in response and block.