To not date him any more?

[kay770]

Wasn't really looking to meet anyone but met a nice man through work.

We get along well, he seems very nice so far, funny, we have good chat etc but I haven't felt that "wow" feeling yet.

Been on 3 dates.

Date 1- split the bill, absolutely fine no issues with this. Pub meal and drink around £30 total for both.

Date 2- small restaurant and the waitress was being awkward about splitting the bill, I had my card out so just paid and said we would sort it later. He said "I'll get the meal the next time we go out". This was around £60 for both.

Date 3- lunch deal in a small local bar/restaurant. £20 for both of us including drink. When waitress approached to take payment I was expecting him to pay given the previous conversation, however when she asked he said "we will split it" so we each paid half.

It's given me a bit of the ick and I'm not sure I want to go on any more dates.

I'm fine with going halves, it's fair after all. But it's put me off that I've paid for a far more expensive meal out, and then he couldn't even get me a cheap lunch on return? It still wouldn't have been "even" as such but it's just the gesture would have been nice!

I don't know his financial situation, but he's in a more senior role to me.

AIBU not to date him any more? Or is this normal in this day and age (haven't dated in a while!)

After his outburst I think I would have to let him know why.

Urgh, no, get rid of him.

Oh what an awful man OP you can do so much better than him - nothing worse than being with a total prat.

Surely you made that last bit up 😱

Showed his true colours didn’t he. You’re well rid.

You should just drop the link to this thread in a reply and then block him 😂

That's really disappointing behaviour from him in so many ways!

You deserve better OP and I'm glad you moved on.

Wow! That’s not a bullet you dodged, more like a nuclear missile!

One thing that upsets me about this is that he sounds like a nice, 'normal' sort of man on paper but you really didn't have to scratch the surface too deeply to see a real unpleasantness. I honestly don't think I could face dating ever again if I was widowed young or got divorced. I just read too many stories like this on MN and it makes me very cynical about men in general.

I'm hearing you and understanding the money situation... But what about the attraction? You say you haven't felt the 'wow' and he basically sounds like he's 'OK' and that's about it.

Regarding the money, you have your way of being and that entails you hate reminding people it's their turn to pay, you find it uncomfortable. It doesn't seem like it really bothers him, he's very happy to say "we will split it" so this is going to be a discomfort throughout your relationship if you carry on.

I just don't think you're compatible.

Honestly, I found myself hanging over a guy and wondering if I should carry on or not. To fix it, I went on a date with someone else and then suddenly it became so clear to me that the first guy was really not someone I should be with. It was like I was under some weird spell and the other guy broke it.

I didn’t. Honestly I read the thread and it was hysterical. It was actually one about awful dates and it’s the most fun I’ve had in years.
Another one was someone had stayed over with a man who was part of a house share….
The fella’s housemate came in and shook him at 6 am and said…
Come on Brian, get up! You are in court at 9.
Brian was going to get sentenced in court and knew he was going to prison as well.
And the threads about stinginess. One poor woman had been with someone for 6 months and every date they went somewhere and she paid, his turn they went to his house, she took the ingredients and cooked. Turned out he was absolutely loaded.
Or the coffee drinker who let the lady pay for three coffees but refused to buy one. Said he never turned down a free coffee, but never bought one.
Or the gent who brought to the date a much younger woman, and a baby. Says he was some sort of mentor to her. The lady posted was expected to pay for the young girl’s snacks and coffees, whilst the man and the young woman argued for an hour in a foreign language. The poster left, £s down and hadn’t even had a talk to the man. He was very rude to her and said she hadn’t made his young friend welcome,
These fools walk amongst us!
(Had to love the funeral director who turned up in an empty hearse after his last job of the day!)

YANBU.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

OMG, I'm about to get friendly with the MN search button now. Lord knows when I'll re-emerge from the rabbit hole I'm about to go down, but I have to go and find these 🤦🏾‍♀️🤣.

It depends. Some people give these types of situations a lot of thought, some do not. Some people just forget - instead of trying to avoid paying!

Eg I’m quite lax about money and can easily forget to transfer someone £20-30, equally if I would have paid for said meal, I wouldn’t be in a hurry to recoup the money, I’d probably forget about it.

If it’s a big deal for you, why don’t you just casually send him a link to pay you amongst normal chatter and see how he reacts?

Maybe I live in a different world but I don’t really pay too much attention to who pays for what in early dating, eg the guy may pay the first couple of outings, I might then pay one, we may split at some point… Not everyone has the same etiquette!

I recently went on a first date where the guy spent maybe £40 on drinks for us both, I’d have then paid for whatever costs 2nd date would have involved.

Nah ditch him. It's a red flag that you'll regret not acting on later.

This should be the fun and exciting bit. If you're irritated with him now, it's not going to get better.

Ffs he's tight and I'm sorry I'm happy to pay my way but no way would I want to see someone again who behaved like that.

And on top of all that you've had to pay for childcare? You need to raise your bar.

Just rtft and omg lucky escape!

Ugh I haven’t RTFT Op but read all your responses and has anyone pointed out
this is classic red pill podcasts /incel tactics? He got you to pay for him, now treating you poorly and then insulting you especially the negative focus on you being a single mother.

You’ve had a lucky escape! I’ve got some friends like this and as a former people pleaser I used to let it slide and ignore the fact that it was either me paying the whole bill or we’d split it - but they’d never pick the whole bill up in return.

I never tolerated that from men but weirdly enough put up with it in platonic female friendships.

YANBU

It sounds like you dodged a bullet, I'd say £60 well spent, rather than wasting more time and money eating out with a creep.
You should of replied "well this us a good day for all lone mum's having you off their radar" I'm glad you are leaving them alone!
He's an idiot!

You don't have to scratch the surface much to see how deeply unpleasant this guy actually is @kay770

As PP said - thank you for your service, bullet definitely dodged!

His ego got a tiny dent and he lashed out in a really rude and uncalled for manner. Total git.

Huge red flag tight with money. He should have paid and even if waitress was difficult I would have asked for the manager. Would cool off ASAP.