To not date him any more?

[kay770]

Wasn't really looking to meet anyone but met a nice man through work.

We get along well, he seems very nice so far, funny, we have good chat etc but I haven't felt that "wow" feeling yet.

Been on 3 dates.

Date 1- split the bill, absolutely fine no issues with this. Pub meal and drink around £30 total for both.

Date 2- small restaurant and the waitress was being awkward about splitting the bill, I had my card out so just paid and said we would sort it later. He said "I'll get the meal the next time we go out". This was around £60 for both.

Date 3- lunch deal in a small local bar/restaurant. £20 for both of us including drink. When waitress approached to take payment I was expecting him to pay given the previous conversation, however when she asked he said "we will split it" so we each paid half.

It's given me a bit of the ick and I'm not sure I want to go on any more dates.

I'm fine with going halves, it's fair after all. But it's put me off that I've paid for a far more expensive meal out, and then he couldn't even get me a cheap lunch on return? It still wouldn't have been "even" as such but it's just the gesture would have been nice!

I don't know his financial situation, but he's in a more senior role to me.

AIBU not to date him any more? Or is this normal in this day and age (haven't dated in a while!)

I would have one more date....nice restaurant but don't be too liberal with your food choices.......and when the bill arrives....."oh dear! I've left my purse at home"! Sorted.

I think you dodged a bullet there, op.

And he absolutely didn't 'forget' that you paid for the whole meal on the second date. He was trying his luck to test your boundaries and see what you would let him get away with.

I think you've already had enough of him

I'd have pulled him up on it it and said, 'No, it's because you insisted I pay £10 for our lunch date after I treated you to a £30 dinner last week. Stinginess is deeply unattractive."

Send the tightwad a bill for the money he owes you for the meals .

This paying issue aside, it doesn’t seem like you really like him anyway so personally I wouldn’t bother going forward. Some people are just cheap like that - I’ve got a few friends who are like this. I don’t mind as I enjoy their company, don’t see them that often and paying more for dinner is worth it to me but I would be very hesitate about dating someone who was cheap in this way. It sounds like you would like someone to sweep you off your feet (don’t we all!) and someone who splits bills is very much not going to do this. If everything else was perfect and this was the one issue I would probably let it slide if his company is worth it to you though.

Gross. Youre well shot of him

Ewww what a dick. I’d be inclined to be petty and say your only commitment issues are that you’re looking for the right person and don’t need someone so tight fisted!

Even in my friendship groups we all fight over who is paying or getting the bill, we are all generous in turn and I’d hate to date someone who just sat there and let someone else get it. It’s much nicer and less awkward to treat each other each time or ‘I’ll get drinks after as you’ve got that’ kind of thing!

Don’t waste your time…..he’s a bit tight or thoughtless, it doesn’t matter which, but they’re both red flags. You have a lot to juggle, with work, children and a home to keep, move on .

You should say “No love, it’s because you’re tight you pathetic cheapskate.”

He also said something about it being "the only and last time he ever gives a single mum a chance again" 🤣

Yes I agree for me it's nice to just take it in turns to treat each other, that's what my friends would do or split when needed, some of us are better off than others and can afford more- I'm not that pedantic.

I kinda do what someone to "sweep me off my feet" in the beginning anyway!

If this is his best side I'm not interested in the rest.

Ooofe, that's some ego he's got there OP. All those poor single mothers that are having to miss out on this prince among men as a direct result of you making a decision and politely informing him of it. Bad you!

Wow you’ve dodged a bullet there! Reply and say ‘and this will be the first and last time I date such a stingy man child’

Thank you for your service op.

Blimey @kay770 you’ve dodged an arsenal of bullets there.
So this is a well educated man in a good job with no dependants. I cannot get over his behaviour. Honestly, I am all for equality but any decent man would not have let you pay for that expensive meal. Anyone with a half a brain could work out that a lady on less income with two kids might not be expecting a hit like that in one go.
While paying for the parking was fine I’d still think - ick!
And the last cheap lunch - ick to infinity.
Then he adds insults to injuries. How vile. He’s shown himself who he is.
I first came on MN because I read a headline about a stingy dater and there were so many threads about the same subject. My favourite was a man who asked his new girlfriend to stay over, cooked a whole cooked breakfast for himself and for her, nothing! Told her there was a nearby supermarket if she wanted to get her own ingredients.
At least you can tell the story to your friends and cheers the miserable git. His poor hurt ego! 😂

YANBU. Few things less attractive than stinginess. Even if he did just forget, it's not a particularly good sign either - clearly he's not that focused on you or your relationship.

You said about him not being a homeowner - I agree that if you were really in love, it wouldn't matter. But clearly you're not! It's not ideal, especially considering his ungenerous nature.

I've been with my fiancé 3 years now but when I was going on dates, I had 2 rules. The first was that I liked a guy but wasn't sure there was a spark, I'd give it 3 dates. If after 3 dates a spark hadn't developed, it wouldn't. The second was that I would offer to split the bill on a first date but that if the guy let me, he wasn't that interested. I might have seen him again but I've yet to get beyond a second date with a man who didn't pay for the first. I just think men who are interested pay on the first date...

You've given it 3 dates, you're not sure and he's not paid once even though you have. It's time to cut loose.

😱

I agree with you, wouldn't date him anymore.
I mean he could be a nice guy, just clueless and cheap, which is not the end of the world. My husband is not very generous (and I didn't see it on first dates), but at least he works hard renovating our 2 houses, so I am winning in another way.
But yes, it is unattractive and if you're young and have other options, I wouldn't bother anymore.

I think I would be put off - as you said, not because of the money as such, but because I'd like a man to be generous, caring and thoughtful. This guy knows he is dating a single parent, he must know you get a babysitter etc to go on dates; as you know his position, he must know yours -- and roughly, must know how much you get paid. So he is aware you have less money than him and have kids.

Knowing all this, he made you pay for the dinner, and did not offer to pay for his half. And made you pay again next time. This is completely unacceptable. He is either completely thoughtless, or - even worse - tight verging on greedy. He is not going to be a supportive, kind and caring partner - he is showing he is the type of guy who will count out every penny and will never contribute to anything, and will begrudge you every penny pent on you. You might continue seeing him for fun (though I find lack of genericity and thoughtfulness very off putting), but I would not be "promoting" him to anything else. Be a bit choosier.

He said something along the lines of "I knew you'd do this, you've clearly got commitment issues given you've been single for so long and alone with your kids 🙄 it's quite funny actually 🤣"

He also said something about it being "the only and last time he ever gives a single mum a chance again" 🤣

Interesting how fast the hidden contempt rises to the surface when they're suddenly not getting what they want.

Bullet well dodged, @kay770 .

Ohh, that is bad. Well, it's great that he showed who he is!

I would 100% respond to say it’s nothing to do with commitment or being a single mum, but you’re bar is higher that a tight stingy little man that’s happy for his date to pay his way for him! Then block.

No way OP he is a tight arse! This would put me right off so black and white about splitting everything why would he not offer the third time. I always offer and I take it in turns he pays one time me the next and if one is more expensive we will say to each other oh I will get xyz because you paid more for the meal. This is a real turn off and embarrassing on his behalf in my opinion very petty