To not date him any more?

[kay770]

Wasn't really looking to meet anyone but met a nice man through work.

We get along well, he seems very nice so far, funny, we have good chat etc but I haven't felt that "wow" feeling yet.

Been on 3 dates.

Date 1- split the bill, absolutely fine no issues with this. Pub meal and drink around £30 total for both.

Date 2- small restaurant and the waitress was being awkward about splitting the bill, I had my card out so just paid and said we would sort it later. He said "I'll get the meal the next time we go out". This was around £60 for both.

Date 3- lunch deal in a small local bar/restaurant. £20 for both of us including drink. When waitress approached to take payment I was expecting him to pay given the previous conversation, however when she asked he said "we will split it" so we each paid half.

It's given me a bit of the ick and I'm not sure I want to go on any more dates.

I'm fine with going halves, it's fair after all. But it's put me off that I've paid for a far more expensive meal out, and then he couldn't even get me a cheap lunch on return? It still wouldn't have been "even" as such but it's just the gesture would have been nice!

I don't know his financial situation, but he's in a more senior role to me.

AIBU not to date him any more? Or is this normal in this day and age (haven't dated in a while!)

Could possibly be that he wants to return the dinner rather than a cheap lunch, or could be that’s he’s as tight as a hens ear.

I had a date like that too one time. Dithered over the bill, I paid because it was embarrassing and the next dinner date he asked if I wanted to split! Tight fucker. It was a Tinder date so I had no ties. I said no I don’t want to split thank you and I don’t enjoy dating tight men. He did pay and was shocked I thought he was tight. He thought because I had previously paid it meant I wanted to pay again. The mind boggles. Anyhow there were no further dates.

Based on what you've told us I'd say "dump him before you end up paying out more". But I obviously don't know him. Is he worth spending money on?

Yuck meanness is not attractive. I'd certainly not be going for a 4th date. Best to spot the red flags (even small ones) early and duck out.

This!!

Might he have forgotten that you paid for that second date? It's not impossible especially if he's not too bothered about money, which is very different from being mean.
Why don't you suggest having another meal out in the same pub, and if he doesn't offer when the bill comes around, say 'Oh, I think it's your turn, didn't I pay last time.' If he argues, that's the end, but if he nods and pays it, you might want to keep going.

Op what is the updated

So the update is that I've politely told him that I don't want to continue things any further, he hasn't taken it well.

He's in his 30s.

He does talk about money a lot such as so and so has lots of money, calling people "money bags" and things like that.

At the end of the day I don't like him enough to continue anymore any way, this has just been the extra thing that has put me off.

I think if I progressed with him or someone like him, he'd be putting his own food in the corner of the fridge and counting the pennies with the electric bill and saying things like "well I don't use the hairdryer".

It just gives me mean and tight-fisted vibes and I don't want that.

How do you mean he hasn’t taken it well? Sad? Angry?

Not angry or upset, just a really really arsey and immature response.

I think your estimation of him is right, sounds like you dodged a bullet, onwards and upwards op.

Holy hell. Immediate dumping. Letting you pay for the second date, then saying you’ll split the next 🤮🤮🤮

When I got with my husband, I had children, he didn’t, although I offered to pay/split the bill on the first few dates he absolutely wouldn’t have it.
If you’re having a bad feeling then bin him off!

How's he not taken it well? Did you tell him it's because he's as tight as arseholes?

Sadly some people forget (I’d say men but I do too), this is where you joke about “ah but do you remember last time”, remind him anyway and see how he reacts, that’s the real test.

You've definitely dodged a miserly bullet with that one OP 😱

I would have told him to get the next one and then booked afternoon tea at the Ritz. And not taken my card because he was paying.

Think you should reply to his arsey message asking him if he needs your bank details to transfer you his half of the bill from Date 2…since he’s being a dick about things 😉

Absolutely not being unreasonable. Anything that gives you the ick is valid for you.

Very glad you dumped him- you've dodged a bullet. You'll find a proper gentleman soon.

To clarify, I am not a gold digger in any way shape or form and would always take in turns to alternate paying the bill in the early dating stages. But his reluctance to be forthcoming shows how well he would look after you, and that's not good enough.

Does he make your legs tremble when you see him, does your heart miss a beat when he texts, do you wake up excited that you will see him later or do you just think about who paid what?
if the former then you should be able to laugh and say “ hey you cheeky beggar don’t forget you owe me a meal! “
If the latter, which it seems from this post I don’t understand why you are seeing each other. You do not seem to have a spark for him.

He said something along the lines of "I knew you'd do this, you've clearly got commitment issues given you've been single for so long and alone with your kids 🙄 it's quite funny actually 🤣"

Lol.

No he doesn't make my legs tremble 😬 but when I've gone for that feeling before it hasn't worked out! He seemed nice and we had some common interests and similar background so I thought no harm going on a few dates, some of my friends said the spark and attraction isn't always instant.

Maybe he thought that as it wasn't a proper meal, just split this one and he's obviously going to pay for the really expensive 4th meal. I'd have to go on the 4th meal just to see.

Ick. Definitely.

I would prefer a bit of a tremble to being out of pocket! 😂